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How Owning A Cat Is Simlar To Being Married (For Guys Only)

Updated on July 17, 2016

The Marriage Primer

Prior to getting married, I had premarriage counseling. I also read some books on marriage. Soon after getting married I found myself unwittingly in marriage counseling. I also attended marriage Bible studies with other men and my wife and I attended studies with other couples. Certainly there was value in all these activities, but here I am in my 50's and owning a cat (if a person can claim ownership of a cat) for the first time. Upon reflection, I realize now that if I had owned a cat for about a year before getting married, the transition to married life would have been much easier. You can read and discuss marriage all you want, but living with a highly independent individual (albeit with four legs and a tail) can give you unique insight. My target audience is that bachelor who is in a relationship and the question of marriage keeps entering his mind.

What is Great About Cats and Marriage

First, cats are delicate. You really come to realize this if you grew up as a kid with a big dog. You can get pretty rough and tumble with a big dog, not so with a cat. Cats are just plain lighter and softer. Not that a cat cannot hold its own and be tough, you just have to play with a cat on its terms and pace. The cat will be done playing long before you are. Translation: appreciate that your wife is lighter and softer than you - go at her pace.

Cats have great eyes. They can look at you and slowly close them saying, "Yeah, I am glad we are together." Women have the same power with their eyes. In fact, you probably became captivated by her eye signals early on in the relationship and did not even know it. That's how powerful this stuff is. The eyes are great - you will never get tired of them.

Cats don't like to get wet and therefore are generally clean. If you are a bachelor who lived with the fallout of a messy roommate, you probably won't have to live through that again being married.

Where Are We Exactly In This Relationship?

You never question your cat's loyalty and affection for you, but there are infrequent times when you have no idea what is going on in the relationship. What brought purrs yesterday results in a hiss today and if you force the issue and try to fix it, the back of your hand comes into contact with a paw of extended claws. At this point you back off and give her space. Don't leave her at this point, she needs your support, just say very little. Eventually she will tell you what is wrong (with any luck it has nothing to do with you) and will be purring by your side again.

Face It, You Are Going To Blow It On Gifts

I am convinced that the people who design and manufacture cat toys never owned a cat. I've brought countless cat toys home only to have her take at best a passing interest in any of them. What are her favorite toys? Inexpensive stuff not designed for cats such as elastic hair ties and waded up pieces of notebook paper. Actually, she likes nothing more than to be chased around the house, go into hiding, and pounce at me when I am unawares. And so it goes with marriage. You are going to get the big gifts and overall they will be forgotten. Ultimately it will be those things you do frequently and both enjoy that you will remember most. Sometimes things you did spontaneously will make a great memory. Exception! The engagement ring is a big one so don't mess up. She is going to show it to all her friends so get it right. You better have a good idea of what she wants. Also, avoid gifts that invoke having her work - like a cookbook, waffle iron, and heaven forbid, a vacuum.

Cats Are Hunters, As Are Women

Cats by their very nature are hunters. When they have captured something, they want to show you their prize no matter how unpalpable it may be. Women are hunters too, but in a way different context. Their hunting grounds tend to be malls or online stores. When they have scored a bargain and "saved a lot of money", they will want to show you - usually right when you have walked through the door. Take a deep breath, feel your wallet lighten, and say how nice the new purchase is.

Classic two-for-one photo - wife brings home hunting bargain while cat plays in an inexpensive plastic bag.
Classic two-for-one photo - wife brings home hunting bargain while cat plays in an inexpensive plastic bag.

Sex

Unlike women, sex comes pretty close to the top of the list when guys think of marriage. For that I recommend that you get a cat breed that is known for its high demand for affection. Does this translate that you wife will want sex all the time? Hardly. About the only time she will want a lot of sex is when she is trying to get pregnant. If you are lucky it will happen quickly and yet another new chapter in your lives will start. However, most likely either one or both of you will not be as fertile as you believe and it will require a lot of sex. Pretty soon the romance wears thin and the whole process starts to look like work. You will be thinking to yourself, I am tired of having all this sex. I know that this concept is hard to grasp as you are single bachelor, but trust me, the scenario is not uncommon.

Anyway, back to the cat. An overly affectionate cat will demand your attention. Sure, it will be great to give her pets, rubs, and scratches, but about the time you are done, the cat is just warming up. This my friend, really replicates sex in marriage from the woman's perspective. The big difference is that ultimately you can ignore the cat when you have had enough.

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    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 14 months ago from Long Island, NY

      What a funny analogy and so true in many ways. But when I think about it, the same is true for taking care and nurturing any living creature, human or animal. Maybe men who grew up having had pets, make better husbands. Just a thought. Nevertheless, I do see how you relate cats to women.

    • Tod Zechiel profile image
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      Tod Zechiel 14 months ago from Florida, United States

      Thanks Glenn

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