- Gender and Relationships
How To Date The Single Mom
Finding Love At The Jungle Gym
As if dating wasn't hard enough, a few more obstacles have been placed in your path. Sweet little Suzy and Joey are finally at a point of acceptance in dealing with the fact that mommy and daddy are no longer going to be together. Maybe daddy was actually never even really in their lives to begin with. In either case a mother has to finally come to the point where she is ready to move forward. Your journey begins now. This isn't a learning process just for the recently single mom, however; it can also be a new experience for her potential beau.
A 'typical' relationship can be summed up in fairly simple terms. Man meets woman, woman shows interest, man pursues woman, relationship ensues and both either live happily ever after or both of them make a b line back to the dating pool. Simple right? Sure of course there's a lot lacking here, but had I listed out each and every possible scenario and placed it next to that of dating a single mom, the latter would seem much less simplistic by comparison.
Will You Be My Friend ?
So where would a man start with a single mom? Simply put, by befriending her. Single mothers do not have the option of reliving the carelessness of their youth by simply jumping into a relationship. So take your time, slow and steady wins the race here.
I suggest all insecure men leave this site immediately! If you cannot handle the possibility of not being able to go to her house, or even worse only going there after 9:00 pm and promptly being shown the door at 6:00 , dating a mommy is not for you.
Men do not run away just yet, because surely you can accept that this beautiful, intelligent, responsible woman you're eager to spend time with, has respect for herself and her kids. The kind of respect that only comes with being responsible and putting the child first. Remember, in the world of a single mom, men essentially can come and go, the family unit, however; must forever remain unchanged.
So be thankful that she isn't trying to push her kids on you. Personally, I would think that being called daddy after the first date, would quickly make it the last one. So try to accept that her time and loyalty are to her children, while she nurtures and grows the delicate bond that can only be formed between mother and child.
Will You Play With Me ?
So you were finally allowed to meet her kids and you're not really sure what to do next. Just have fun. Getting to this point may have taken days, months or with the most cautious mothers-years. So you have to first consider the situation from the child's perspective. Maybe they see their dad often and so they are in no way looking to you as a replacement. In a situation like this, your role is simply to play with the child and be a friend. There is a lot that happens when you play with a child. You are able establish boundaries with them by also finding out what their boundaries are with you. The most important thing here is to not force things, just allow them to happen naturally.
A Message To Mom......
Please note that sure he may be a great guy, you may feel some special connection to him almost immediately. You may even feel that all of your dreams even right down to the white picket fence have been answered. If at all possible, try not to let such feelings dictate how you proceed with the introduction between Mr. special and your little special guy. Just as moving slowly can be beneficial to your relationship together, it can also be useful when weeding out unhealthy individuals as well.
My intention here is not create fear but only to allow you, mom, to wrap your mind around the sad reality that scary people do exist. So why not take a few simple precautions in the beginning of the relationship to help you avoid a costly life altering mistake in the future.
Can You Lift Heavy Baggage?
If her kids are a bit overweight that isn't the issue here, although maybe it should be? No, instead its about a little known thing called Baby-Daddy-Drama. Yes it really exists! Some women would like nothing better than to do awful things to their childrens' father's and resisting that temptation may not be easy for them. Other's may not want to hurt their ex's simply maim them a little bit. In either option it doesn't end so good so many women toughen up, get stronger and keep on movin'. This is one of the greatest skills of the single mom species, because they are able to adjust and readjust just like that, right? Ok, not always right, but for most its a lot easier to deal with things when you can pretend like they are not even happening. Some may not see this as a skill at all, but rather 'baggage'.
Whatever you call it, single mom's rock! So moms and guys please remember to check all baggage at the counter. You are allowed one carry on, not 20 and 15 bags in the overhead compartment is totally unacceptable. Just let the past go guys and girls and don't beat up your new partner for your ex's old mistakes.
Please know that not all women carry any type of regret or ill will towards their ex and for those individuals the term baggage doesn't apply. So find out where she is in her life, is she over him? Is she ready to move on? Has she let go of the past? (This rule applies to men too!) If so then you're ready for the next step.
Wanna Have a Play Date?
Of course you want to spend time with this new man in your life and get to know him better, and adult interraction is always a nice break from your well rehearsed parenting role. So live a little. Explore what's out there and don't feel guilty in the process.
For the guys, its important to be understanding if something should come up in her world like. That's just life, it happens so don't be overly dissappointed if she has to change plans on short notice. Most women mean well when it comes to scheduling time to be with the person they are interrested in. Of course if duty should call, she's off-off-off and away to be super mom!
Rules for Mom Replay......
So your almost ready to begin but here is a quick recap before you get in the game!
1. No hitting
2. No biting
3. Play fair and give the guy a chance!
Rules for Guy's Rewind......
1. Be patient
2. Take it slow
3. Assess the situation carefully and ask yourself;
- Are you ready to date a woman with kids?
- Can you accept her ever-changing schedule?
- Do you have extra storage for a little baggage?