The Right Way To End A Long Term Relationship
The Right Way To End A Long Term Relationship:
When you've been in a long-term relationship, you have years of sharing personal moments, memories, and experiences, and often shared friends and possessions. Your lives have been inter-twined over time even if you haven't been living together. So when you realise the relationship really isn't working for you, and you want to end the relationship, you need to be sensitive to this, especially when the other person may not feel like you do now, and could still be madly love with you.
Before you end the relationship you need to consider a number of things - on your own:
- Do you really want out of this relationship?
Because this is not the kind of relationship you end on a whim.
- How will you really feel when this person is no longer in your life?
And how you feel about them eventually finding another relationship? Whether you realise it or not at this point there will be a 'gap' left that the other person used to fill after you end the relationship, and they may fill the gap you left quickly with another person.
- Have you already tried to make this relationship work better for you?
Have you communicated about it? If not, the other person may have absolutely no idea about your unhappiness and therefore has not had the chance to work on improving it.
- Have you considered that when you end the relationship, you may not be able to get your partner back if you change your mind later?
When you break up with someone who loves you it generally causes them pain, heart-break and a loss of trust which cannot always be gained back.
If you've already thought through all of these things, and want to end your long-term relationship, the best way to do it is to be respectful to the other person (no matter what your feelings are for them at the time).
- Plan a time to tell them where you'll be able to talk to them face to face for more than just a few moments.
Because you've been together so long, they deserve a proper explanation, and a chance to ask you any questions. And by doing this it also saves you having to possibly endure another meeting with your ex so that they can discuss their feelings about the breakup with you (or their frequent phone calls about it).
- Be prepared to discuss and organise the seperation or collection of any of your possessions.
It could become a drama trying to organise and retrieve your things down the track, after the initial breakup discussion.
- Be clear that your feelings for them have changed, and explain the reasons for you deciding to end the relationship.
Be prepared to spend time talking to them about each of your reasons for breaking up, if they need to understand more about it. Answer any of their questions as honestly as you can without being nasty.
- Don't be overly affectionate.
If you're ending your relationship and kissing and cuddling them at the same time, it sends mixed messages and can cause confusion. Keep any affection brief as otherwise they may want to cling on to you.
- Stay calm.
You may be confronted with wild emotions from the person you're ending the relationship, try not to let your emotions go this way too. It's important to remain calm, even if the other person is angry at you because of your decision.
- Realise it's normal for you to feel emotional too.
You're ending a relationship which has in the past been important to you too, so it's natural to feel upset about ending this part of your life. It doesn't necessarily mean you have doubts.
- Stand your ground.
You may know that you've hurt your former partner by ending the relationship, but you don't need to agree to any 'compromises' out of guilt. Agreeing to be 'friends' or 'lovers' at this point only pro-longs the emotional side of the break up - it's not a clean break and can cause heartache for many months to come.
- Don't involve friends in your breakup.
Don't attempt to discuss your reasons for ending the relationship in detail with the other persons friends especially. This can cause a 'nasty' breakup, as it can become a topic of gossip.
- Delete them from your online contacts:
If you are 'friends' online as well, you're best to delete them from your contacts after you've ended the relationship, it can cause some distress reading eachothers 'Status Lines' and comments online after a breakup, a 100% clean break is the best breakup.
- Switch off your phone.
Because you've already spend some time talking about the break up face to face with your ex, you're not required to answer all of their further phone calls about it. If you do respond to their calls, keep your responses brief or you could be in for an emotional war. This is because the other person once knew you well and will know how to 'play' at your emotions if they want to try to get back together with you. Provided you're satisfied that you've discussed the breakup face to face and respectfully, and you have no personal property to collect it's best to ignore the calls.
- Plan something nice for yourself.
You are starting a new chapter in your life, so instead of moping around feeling guity, plan something nice for yourself after the breakup, like a little getaway or activities with friends or family. This also gives the other person space to deal with the breakup without knowing you're around.
How did you end your last relationship?
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