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How To Find True Love | What Is True Love?

Updated on May 18, 2009

The initial step in finding true love is being able to tell what is real love and what is not. Some people think that the melting crazy feelings you get when you spot someone alluring and attractive across a crowded room represent 'love at first sight'. Whilst this may occasionally be true, those feelings are also the signs of 'beginning of a crazy infatuation', 'beginning of an unrequited love' , 'how I met the woman who now owns my house' and 'yes your honor, that is the man who stole my kidney.'

Romance, whilst fun and invigorating, is not love in and of itself. Sweet nothings whispered on moonlit nights are often little more than the verbal expressions of a hormonal dance that has been danced millions upon millions of time since the inception of mankind. As humans, we are incredibly receptive to and defenseless against the first onslaught of attraction. Scientists have proved time and time again that the initial infatuation creates a state like madness in men and women. We no longer see flaws in the other person as we see them in others, our critical thinking skills go out the window and we land ourselves in situations, which when looked back on with a clear and rational mind make us wonder what the hell we were thinking.

Needless to say, infatuated behaviors and feelings are not love in the sense of the word that most people mean it when they refer to true love. They can be the precursor to a life long romance, but in and of themselves, they mean relatively little. This is not to diminish the power or the importance of this stage of a relationship. It can be uplifting, inspiring, and altogether life changing, however it is only a stage, and like all things, it will pass. Those of us who mistake this stage of love for love itself will inevitably be disappointed by true love.

Of course, some of us are primed to feel these feelings of close connection with an attractive stranger more often and more intensely than others. Everyone has (or is) the friend who is constantly falling in love. People who are constantly falling in love are the ones who mistake wild hormonal infatuation for the real thing each and every time. They are often heartbroken and sometimes even end up becoming bitter and angry at the opposite sex (male or female) because they believe that they are evil shallow beings who do nothing but break hearts.

True love, the kind that lasts a life time, is love that evolves beyond that first stage of infatuation. It is love which stands the test of time and the 'drearyness' of reality. True love is that which exists between grimy dishes in the kitchen sink, unwashed clothes in the hamper. True love is that which exists between petty bickering and the way he or she does 'that thing' which drives you crazy.

True love means discovering that your love has flaws, that they can be a jerk sometimes, that they are not as clean as you would like them to be. If you are still in the phase of a relationship where everything they touch seems to turn to gold, then you are still a few steps away from 'true love'.

True love is raw and gritty, but it is forgiving, supportive and kind. True love is the kind of love that accepts a person as a person as they are. That's what true love is to me.

What is true love to you?


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