How to Forgive Others
How Do I Forgive?
The word forgive can be so powerful and healing. To #forgive based on Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary means, "to cease to feel resentment against (an offender): to grant forgiveness: pardon (one's enemies): to give up resentment of or claim to requital for willing or able to #forgive." As an imperfect person, forgiving another person who has hurt you is not easy. After putting so much time and effort into the relationship and then the person turns against you for no reason, can make forgiveness difficult. So what can we do to get past this feeling of imperfection that may hinder #forgiveness?
When we look at ourselves carefully and in an honest light; #forgiveness is not as difficult as we may think. Due to our imperfections, we continuously have so many faults. These faults can accumulate before the true God. We go to Jehovah God in prayer, and he is ready to forgive us for all our shortcomings. All we have to do is forgive each other of the sins others have committed against us. Jesus taught this lesson while on earth that we should, "Forgive our #DEBTS, as 'we have forgiven our DEBTORS," as stated at Matthew 6:12 based on #The Emphatic Diaglott. If we want forgiveness, we must forgive others of their sins against us.
The forgiveness we receive from God is conditional. How can we pray for forgiveness if we have not forgiven our offender? It is vital that we forgive others before we can receive forgiveness. In a video presented on jw.org entitled, Do l Forgive Others? This Bible based discussion revealed such vital questions as: “Can we be like Jehovah forgetting in the sense of putting it behind us? Can we put it behind us just as Jehovah God forgives our trespasses?” Jesus Christ masterfully taught us these points in the model prayer, “As we forgive trespasses of others so God will forgive our trespasses.”
A North America, Monthly Teleconference mentioned how "Forgiveness can cause a great allowance of new, it can be a release from the bonds of the past, we can say forgive ourselves or forgive others. We can explore the quality of forgiveness, individually and collectively within the theatre of our daily lives." Seven pillars are then explained such as, "Understanding, Freedom, Remedy, Warmth, Enhancement, Hope, and Continuance."
Should We Forgive Those Who Sexually Abuse Others?
The frequent discussions and revelations of sexual abuse continue to be disturbing. Is there room for forgiveness of individuals who #sexually abuse others? Let's review a few of the circumstances, to ascertain what our answers could be to this current question. Gayle King, of #CBS This Morning, adamantly expressed, "It is a very difficult day for us here at CBS News, has suspended our co-host #Charlie Rose over claims of sexual misconduct." Gayle went on to express how "Charlie does not get a pass here. He does not get a pass from anyone in this room. We are all deeply affected. We are all rocked by this. O'Donnell, who is also a co-host remained adamant as she stated, "Let me be very clear, there is no excuse for this alleged behavior. It is systematic and pervasive."
News Correspondent Biana Golodryga of CBS This Morning revealed her source concerning Charlie Rose's alleged actions, "#The Washington Post reports the women accused Rose of 'unwanted sexual advances toward them, including lewd phone calls, walking around naked in their presence, or groping..." One woman gave salacious details about how she was also sexually abused in Rose's Long Island, New York home where she thought he would help her obtain a job. Instead, "... Rose appeared before her in an untethered bathrobe, naked underneath... attempted to put his hands down her pants." Although the woman explained how she tried to avoid this profane encounter, she just wept through it.
During a TMZ interview, Charlie Rose admitted, "I have behaved insensitively at times, and I accept responsibility for that, though I do not believe that all of these allegations are accurate." Rose continued by stating, " I always felt that I was pursuing shared feelings, even though I now realize I was mistaken." CBS News stated that Rose is, "suspended immediately while we look into this matter. These allegations are extremely disturbing, and we take them very seriously." The writers of The Washington Post article were Irin Carmon and Amy Brittain. They will continue to pursue additional leads regarding sexual abuse by Rose and others as they become available.
Within days, breaking news about Matt Lauer's termination from NBC News. Lauer was "Let go for inappropriate workplace behavior." One news correspondent who works at NBC studios revealed how she felt about this development of Lauer's termination, "It is like a death in the family, is the mood around #NBC." This type of inappropriate behavior will continue to be practiced by specific male figures in powerful positions for years. Finally, they are being held accountable for their actions. Their victims have been silent; now they have an opportunity to reveal these horrific experiences.
Sexual assault continues to rise within the United States Air Force. During a CBS News Investigation, a Superintendent attempted to respond to these allegations. Within a six month investigation, assaults at the Air Force Academy alleged cover-ups as well as retaliation. The report revealed, "Sexual assaults at the U.S. Air Force Academy, since the 2007-2008 academic year. Two Hundred Eighty-Seven reports made by cadets, thirty-two in a 2015-2016 academic year." The source of these figures is from the Department of Defense.
The METOO Movement Has Given Women a Voice
Women, everywhere are now empowered to speak out against men who abuse their power by sexually abusing them. Years ago, I experienced sexual abuse by a so-called powerful man. I was a victim as a young woman entering the business industry. I applied for a job with a lawyer, who sadly mistaken that I was interested in him. This type of employment would have been a source of pride since I was fresh out of high school and community college. It was imperative that I obtained a position to take care of myself. This man knew I needed the job, so he took advantage of my need to be employed. I often regret my ignorance at the time, but I will not allow that sexual predator to hold me as a victim for the rest of my life. Yes, I forgive that man so that I can move forward with my life in service to the true God Jehovah.
Tackled at the Golden Globes
The primary issue and discussion of sexual abuse still fill headlines even at #Golden Globes ceremony. On the television show Good Morning America, "Times Up, takes center stage at the Golden Globes where stars tackle harassment scandal head-on." News correspondent Larry Hackett stated, "Oprah of course, stole the show. I mean her degree of how to tell a story where she set things up about being on the linoleum floor in the apartment in Milwaukee and then citing Recy Taylor, who was of course raped in the 1940's and her fugitives were never brought to justice. It was an incredibly powerful speech. . ."
Oprah Winfrey's speech was the subject matter on CBS This Morning as well. Hollywood's Golden Globe Lifetime Achievement honoree, Oprah, once again took a stand for women everywhere. "I want all the girls watching here and now to know that a new day is on the horizon where nobody ever has to say me too again." Correspondent Kevin Frazier went on to express; "Golden Globe's red carpet became a sea of black, a symbol of the #MeeToo movement. In the wake of sexual harassment scandals impacting Hollywood and beyond, it is imperative that we start to pay attention. Celebrities also wore pins with the name of the movement's new initiative #Times Up. Many stars came with activist involved in the movement including Michelle Williams, with MeeToo founder #Tarana Burke." This event was utilized to express feelings of hope for the future regarding women's rights. Now, how can we make use of these experiences, to forgive and move forward in our lives?
How Do We Forgive and #Apologize
Once we forgive others, it is easier to apologize. "Apologies are powerful. They resolve conflicts without violence, repair schisms between nations, allow governments to acknowledge the suffering of their citizens, and restore equilibrium to personal relationships," explained Deborah Tannen, a best-selling author, and sociolinguist at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. An article in The Watchtower 2002, November 1, page 5 stated, "The Bible confirms that a sincere apology is often an effective way to repair a damaged relationship."
We can all appreciate the point made by Katherine Piderman, PhD., who stated, "Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, forgiveness; you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude, and joy."
When we forgive others, we do not deny that the person hurt you nor do you minimize the hurt you have experienced. The person or offender is forgiven without you excusing or agreeing to the act they performed against you. The forgiveness you give them is to allow freedom to enter into your life. You have to go on. Awaiting their call to say, they are sorry may never arrive. That is why it is essential for you to move on. Forgiveness gives you the peace to move on with your life. An individual desperately needs to do this because you know that it is time because this feeling of #resentment indeed hinders your growth. Now it is just time to move on what blessing forgiveness can be.
Will we be able to forgive and forget easily? No. It may take us weeks, months or years. We are imperfect, and we may play what the offender did to us over and over in our minds. That is why forgiveness becomes such a personal decision. Not based on what a religious instructor, teacher or just someone who loves you advises. Once you do the research and prayerfully consider the situation, you can then make a decision.
In the end, we must let go whatever is hindering us from obtaining #peace. When we hold on to grudges, it becomes damaging to us. Why not let go of these resentments so that we can move on to that peace and happiness that forgiving each other will grant us. When we forgive, there is a certain amount of control we allow ourselves. We can then take that control and receive the freedom of peace and contentment that only Jehovah God can give us based on what Jesus taught us which is to forgive others. What a simple and uncomplicated lesson. Let us all see if we can follow this simple but beautiful lesson of forgiving each other. The link below gives such an encouraging talk on #Forgiveness.
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A motivational video entitled, "The Power of Forgiveness." by Royston from YouTube.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2010 Claudette Coleman Carter