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How To Forgive Others

Updated on January 8, 2018
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Claudette Carter has been a writer for more than 30 years. Graduated from Widener University and enjoys focusing on positive things in life.

How Do I Forgive?

The word "forgive" can be so powerful and healing. To #forgive based on Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary means , "to cease to feel resentment against (an offender): to grant forgiveness: pardon (one's enemies): to give up resentment of or claim to requital for: willing or able to forgive." As an imperfect person, forgiving another person who has hurt you is not easy. After putting so much time and effort into the relationship and then the person turns against you for no reason, can make forgiveness difficult. So what can we do to get pass this feeling of imperfection that may hinder #forgiveness.

When we look at ourselves carefully and in an honest light; #forgiveness is not as difficult as we may think. Due to our imperfections, we constantly have so many faults. These faults can accumulate before the true God. Yet we go to Jehovah God in prayer and he is ready to forgive us for all our shortcomings. All we have to do is forgive each other of the sins others have committed against us. What a beautiful lesson. Jesus taught this lesson while on earth that we should, "Forgive our #DEBTS, as 'we have forgiven our DEBTORS," as stated at Matthew 6:12 based on #The Emphatic Diaglott . If we want forgiveness to be granted to us we must forgive others of their sins against us.

The forgiveness we receive from God is conditional. How can we pray for forgiveness if we have not forgiven our offender. It is vital that we forgive others before we can receive forgivenmess. Feminenza North America , A Monthly Teleconference mentions how, "forgiveness can cause a great allowance of new, it can be a release from the bonds of the past, we can say forgive ourselves or forgive others. This is a forum in which to explore the quality of forgiveness, individually and collectively within the theartre of our daily lives." Seven pillars are then explained such as, "Understanding, Freedom, Remedy, Warmth, Enhancement, Hope and Continuance." Dates are given for each session and there is no charge for the classes.

Should We Forgive Those Who Sexually Abuse Others?

The frequent discussions and revelations of new cases where women and men have been sexually abused, is more than disturbing. Based on reality, is there room for forgiveness of individuals who #sexually abuse others? Lets review a few of the circumstances, to ascertain what our answers could possibly be to this prevailing question. Gayle King, of #CBS This Morning adamantly expressed, "It is a very difficult day for us here as CBS News, has suspended our co-host #Charlie Rose over claims of sexual misconduct. Gayle, went on to express how, "Charlie does not get a pass here. He does not get a pass from anyone in this room. We are all deeply affected. We are all rocked by this. O'Donnell, who is also a co-host remained adamant as she stated, "Let me be very clear, there is no excuse for this alleged behavior. It is systematic and pervasive."

News Correspondent Biana Golodryga of CBS This Morning, revealed her source concerning Charlie Rose's alleged actions, "#The Washington Post reports the women accused Rose of 'unwanted sexual advances toward them, including lewd phone calls, walking around naked in their presence, or groping. . .'" One woman gave salacious details about how she was also sexually abused in Rose's Long Island, New York home where she thought he would help her obtain a job. Instead, ". . .Rose appeared before her in an untethered bathrobe, naked underneath. . .attempted to put his hands down her pants." Although the woman explained how she tried to avoid this profane encounter, she just wept through it.

During a TMZ interview, Charlie Rose admitted, "I have behaved insensitively at times, and I accept responsibility for that, though I do not believe that all of these allegations are accurate." Rose continued by stating, " I always felt that I was pursuing shared feelings, even though I now realize I was mistaken." CBS News stated that Rose is, "suspended immediately while we look into this matter. These allegations are extremely disturbing and we take them very seriously." The writers of The Washington Post article were Irin Carmon and Amy Brittain. They will continue to pursue additional leads regarding sexual abuse by Rose and others as they become available.

Within days, breaking news was presented about #Matt Lauer, who was terminated from NBC News. Lauer, was "Let go for inappropriate workplace behavior." One news correspondent who works at NBC studios revealed how she felt about this development of Lauer's termination, "It is like a death in the family, is the mood around #NBC." This type of inappropriate behavior has been practiced by certain male figures who were in powerful positions for years. Finally, they are being held accountable for their actions. Their victims have been silent, now they have an opportunity to reveal these horrific experiences.

Sexual assault continues to rise within the #United States Air Force. During a CBS News Investigation, a Superintendent attempted to respond to these allegations. Within a six month investigation, assaults at the Air Force Academy, alleged cover-ups as well as retaliations were mentioned. The report revealed, "Sexual assaults at the U.S. Air Force Academy, since 2007-2008 academic year. Two Hundred Eighty Seven reports made by cadets, thirty-two in 2015-2016 academic year." The source of these figures is from Department of Defense.

The #METOO Movement Has Given Women a Voice

Women, everywhere are now empowered to speak out against men who abuse their power by sexually abusing them. Years ago, I experienced sexual abuse by a so-called powerful man. I was a victim as a young woman entering the business industry. I applied for a job with a lawyer, who was sadly mistaken that I was interested in him. I wanted the job really bad because I was fresh out of high school and community college. It was imperative that I obtained a job to take care of myself. This man knew I needed the job so he took advantage of my need to be employed. I often regret my ignorance at the time, but I will not allow that sexual predator to hold me as a victim for the rest of my life. Yes, I forgive that man so that I can move forward with my life in service to the true God Jehovah.

Sexual Abuse Was Tackled at the Golden Globes

The major issue and discussion of sexual abuse still fill headlines even at #Golden Globes ceremony. On the television show Good Morning America, "#Times Up, takes center stage at the Golden Globes where stars tackle harassment scandal head-on." News correspondent Larry Hackett stated, "Oprah of course, stole the show. I mean her degree of how to tell a story where she set things up about being on the linoleum floor in the apartment in Milwaukee and then citing Recy Taylor, who was of course raped in the 1940's and her fugitives were never brought to justice. It was an incredibly powerful speech. . ."

Oprah Winfrey's speech was the subject matter on CBS This Morning as well. Hollywood's Golden Globe Lifetime Achievement honoree Oprah, once again took a stand for women everywhere. "I want all the girls watching here and now to know that a new day is on the horizon where nobody ever has to say me too again." Correspondent Kevin Frazier, went on to express; "Golden Globe's red carpet became a sea of black, a symbol of the #MeeToo movement. In wake of sexual harassment scandals impacting Hollywood and beyond. Celebrities also wore pins with the name of the movement's new initiative #Times Up. Many stars were accompanied by activist involved in the movement including Michelle Williams, with MeeToo founder #Tarana Burke." This event was utilized to express feelings of hope for the future regarding women's rights. Now, how can we make use of these experiences, to forgive and move forward in our lives?

How Do We Forgive and #Apologize

Once we forgive others, it is easier to apologize. "Apologies are powerful. They resolve conflicts without violence, repair schisms between nations, allow governments to acknowledge the suffering of their citizens, and restore equilibrium to personal relationships," explained Deborah Tannen, a best-selling author and sociolinguist at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. An article in #The Watchtower 2002, November 1, page 5 stated, "The Bible confirms that a sincere apology is often an effective way to repair a damaged relationship."

We can all appreciate the point made by Katherine Piderman, PhD., who stated, "Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy."

When we forgive others, we do not deny that the person hurt you nor do you minimize the hurt you have experienced. The person or offender can be forgiven without you excusing or agreeing to the act they performed against you. The forgiveness you give them is to allow freedom to enter into your life. You have to go on. Awaiting their call to say, they are sorry may never arrive. That is why it is important for you to move on. Forgiveness gives you a peace to move on with your life. This is desperately needed because you know that it is time because this feeling of #resentment truly hinders your growth. Now it is just time to move on. What a blessing forgiveness can be.

Will we be able to easily forgive and forget? No. It may take us weeks, months or years. We are imperfect and we may play what the offender did to us over and over in our minds. That is why forgiveness becomes such a personal decision. Not based on what a religious instructor, teacher or just someone who loves you advises. Once you do the research and prayerfully consider the situation, you can then make a decision.

In the end we must let go whatever is hindering us from obtaining #peace. When we hold on to grudges it becomes damaging to us. Why not let go of these resentments so that we can move on to that peace and happiness that forgiving each other will grant us. When we forgive, there is a certain amount of control we allow ourselves. We can then take that control and receive the freedom of peace and contentment that only Jehovah God can give us based on what Jesus taught us which is to forgive others. What a simple and uncomplicated lesson. Let us all see if we can follow this simple but beautiful lesson of forgiving each other.

Disclaimer: Angelladywriter, is not responsible for the ads that surround this page.

A motivational video entitled, "The Power of Forgiveness." by Royston from YouTube.

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    • Angelladywriter profile imageAUTHOR

      Claudette Coleman Carter 

      6 years ago from Media, Pennsylvania

      Hi Nina64,

      I truly loved your comment because I have felt the same way. It was also someone close to me that caused the hurt and pain. The hatred of this individual consumed so much of my time and energy. Finally, after a lot of prayer and pleadings for Jehovah God to help me to forgive this person, it happened. This was definitely not an overnight process. Once I understood that I was hurting myself, it was easier for me to listen and see the answers to my prayers. I could then apply forgiveness which totally set me free to forgive. I thank God daily that I no longer have this problem. I try to always remember that I am imperfect and need forgiveness from my Heavenly Father daily. Therefore, I must forgive others if I expect forgiveness. Thanks again for your beautiful comment.

    • nina64 profile image

      Nina L James 

      6 years ago from chicago, Illinois

      I must say, this hub is near and dear to my heart!!!! To forgive someone who has hurt you to the core takes a lot of courage and prayer. I have been in some situations where those who were close to me have hurt me so deeply, sometimes, the hurt seemed so bad to where I actually thought about suicide. In each scenario, it took everything I had within me to forgive the other person just so that I could move on in my life. To harbor unforgiveness in your heart is like a cancer that slowly eats away at your spirit. The longer you hold on to the hurt and pain, you're wasting so much energy. You are so right when you said that how can we ask God for forgiveness when we cannot forgive the person who has wronged us. Everyday, I have to ask myself if I want God's forgiveness, then I must learn to forgive others. Only then will I be set free to move ahead in life. Excellent hub!!

    • profile image

      angelladywriter 

      6 years ago

      Hi Patty,

      I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with such unforgiving people. When you are experiencing such resentment from others, for as long as you have, it can be difficult. It was courageous of you to admit that you have said things that may have hurt them as well. This action of saying hurtful things, must cease. You can get help by praying to Jehovah God, specifically to help you stop saying these things. Pour your heart out to him, for those who have been mistreating you and your husband. Ask God to touch their hearts as well. After you have prayed for yourself and your enemies, ask these things in Jesus name. You will receive the direction from God, as to how you should handle everything from that point on.

      Once you have genuinely accomplished this by going to God in prayer, you must move on in order to gain peace and freedom in your life. By doing things this way, you put not only yourself in God's hands but also those who are not demonstrating forgiveness. Remember such scriptures as Proverbs 3:5,6 which tells us we should trust God with all our heart and not lean upon our own understanding because he can make our paths straight. Allow Jehovah to straighten your life and the life of those hating you. Patty, I will keep you in my prayers.

    • profile image

      patty duncan 

      6 years ago

      i have been in a terrible situation with old friends who continue to blame me for upsetting them by things i say....i know of a few times that i hurt their feelings but this has been going on for 20 years where i think things are ok and than they are not speaking to me or inviting my husband or me to large group gatherings..the last thing said to me by the husband is that everyone hates me and i haven't a clue what once again what he is talking about

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