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How To Forgive Those Who Have Hurt You

Updated on February 19, 2015

Forgiving someone and letting go does not necessarily mean you are going to forget what happened. If someone apologizes to you for something that they have done to hurt or upset you, the better thing to say is "I forgive you", instead of saying "It's okay, or it's alright." It is not okay to hurt someone. So it is better to say that you forgive them, instead of letting them think it was okay that they hurt you.

Sometimes it may be hard to find it in yourself to forgive someone who hurt you really bad. It may take some time for you to calm down and think about the situation. When you learn to let go of those negative feelings and emotions, you might find that it is easier to forgive.


Forgiveness will allow you to heal. It might help you to heal if you are able to repair the relationship with the person that hurt you by forgiving them. Be careful if this person is someone who consistently hurts you or is not out for your best interest. You should think about whether or not you should continue to keep that person in your life.


Do not let this person have power over you. When you are so angry that you can not imagine ever forgiving this person, do not let them win. They win by keeping you in a state of anger. Anger disrupts your life and can cause chaos in your other relationships. Take control of that power and learn to let go so that you can start feeling peaceful and calm again. It feels much better to be at peace than it does to be filled with anger and rage. Anger is a normal emotion and it may be difficult to completely get over the anger, but at least you can control it to the point where it does rule your life or emotions.


You may want to write down your feelings in a journal or notebook. Pretend that you are writing a letter to the person who hurt you. Write out all of your negative feelings and explain how this person hurt you. Each day, release all of those negative emotions out on paper. After a few days of writing it all out on paper, tear up those pages and throw them out. While tearing each page, think of yourself as starting over fresh with a forgiving heart.

After tearing all of the negative pages up and throwing them out, start over by writing a letter of forgiveness. Try to have some understanding as to why this person did what they did to hurt you. Write a letter saying that you forgive this person and keep it until you actually do decide to forgive. You can even send this letter to the person who hurt you to let them know that you forgive them.


Understand that people make mistakes. If you realize that just about everyone makes mistakes, even yourself, maybe you could learn to be more forgiving towards others. There may have been a time in your life that you hurt someone, whether it was intentional or not. In most cases, people do deserve to be forgiven. Especially those who offer a sincere apology. No one is perfect and sometimes people have bad days. Maybe this person did not mean to intentionally hurt you. Think about if you would want to be forgiven for your wrongdoings. If so, then learn to forgive someone else.

Getting Help

You may want to seek the help of a counselor or a support group if you feel so badly affected by what this person has done or said to you. It may help to vent your feelings to someone who can help you to manage your feelings of hurt, anger or sadness. Anger can take control of your life and affect the lives of those around you. You could eventually end up hurting someone else with your anger and resentment.

By seeking professional help, you might start feeling better about the situation and be a step closer to forgiving. You do not always have to let the person know that you forgive them. The person who hurt you could have been a total stranger that you may never come in contact with again. You can forgive them in your mind or on paper. Just get to the point where you are no longer harboring feelings of hate, resentment or anger. Those are negative feelings that will interfere with the process of moving forward.

Let It Go

Do not let what this person did to you consume your entire life. Without eventually forgiving someone and letting go, you will harbor negative feelings and cause yourself a lot of stress. In the beginning, it is okay to feel hurt or angry. Then there comes a time when you should really let go. Once you take a step towards forgiveness, you might start feeling better and you will be able to move on.


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    • Sunshine Days profile imageAUTHOR

      Sunshine Days 

      3 years ago

      You're welcome and thank you for your comment. I appreciate the feedback. I agree, forgiveness is the primary way to heal from past hurts.

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 

      3 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Thank you for writing this article. Forgiveness is the primary way for us to heal from emotional damage and past hurts. It is also very hard to do, but essential for our own healing.

      Remember, you are not forgiving the other person for them, you are forgiving them for yourself. It is an act of surrender and release.



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