How To Get Over Someone You Love That Doesn't Love You
It Isn't Easy to Spend Years Loving Someone Who Doesn't Love You
How Ending a Bad Relationship Will Make You a Better Person
When we start dating someone, we all have expectations of the other person. Over time we get into a routine and the expectations start to deteriorate. We put ourselves out there when red flags have been there the whole time.
I get it! We have all been there at one time or another. I have made horrible choices for partners and after three marriages the last one I finally got right. My first husband was abusive. It took me 14 years to get away from him and when I did I couldn't believe how free I felt.
It was a draining relationship for sure. It was mental abuse, physical abuse, monetary abuse and just plain scary for me. I was a whole 22 years old with two kids in tow. He drank like a fish and was on drugs but I was going to change him.
No one ever changes a man or woman in a relationship unless they want to and most of the time they won't. Its like an addiction trying to change them. Its exhausting and hurtful.
Once I was free from him I became such a better person. I had spent so many years doing what he wanted I never had time to be myself. I started spending time with my family, my kids were happy and I did what I wanted to do. It was liberating for sure. I was always afraid of being alone but at what cost? I went to sleep at night not worrying anymore about that 3 am fight when he would come home drunk and want to argue with me or hit me just because. I no longer was depressed or had anxiety and I loved life and the people who loved me.
I was no longer responsible for someone who did not love me. Guess what? He went on with his life without me. I wasted 14 years of my life.
How to End a Relationship
Freedom Saves Your Sanity
When you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you, you try to keep it going. Stop trying to please that other person. Stop spending hours crying and being unhappy. It's not your fault and you know it.
Pull up your boot straps and go. There is nothing worse then trying to figure out what you can do to make it right so stop trying.
As humans we expect certain things out of people. You know you would get rid of a friend in a heart beat if they acted like your partner did. You wouldn't tolerate it for a minute. So why do you think you have to tolerate that behavior from someone you live with?
Someone who is abusive tries to make you feel like its your fault and its not. They will always be that way no matter who they are with. You can't change them so stop trying. Your brain will thank you.
If you feel any other way then in pure blissful love then its time to look at things. Stop staying up wondering where they are all night. Go to bed with a clear head and get some sleep. They aren't up all night worrying about you.
Get yourself dressed and go do what you want to do for once in your life. Stop sitting home waiting on them.
When they are around say the least amount possible and plan your escape. Even if you have to use a friends couch for a time being then do it.
You are not responsible to anyone but yourself and your children if you have them. If you don't have kids then leaving them will be easier.
Block them from your cell phone so they can't call you.
Stop doing things for them that you usually do such as laundry, cooking or anything that requires you to do something for them.
Learn to Walk Away
Don't Look For Another Relationship to Get Over This One
Most of my life I have hated being alone but age has solved that problem. I have a loving husband but we both have me time and I am okay with that.
People want to dive right into a relationship after a break up because you are hurting and want someone to help you get over the breakup. Put on your breaks because that is the worst thing you could ever do.
The last thing you need is to be responsible for another person right away. I know its hard but you have to make yourself happy and you can't do it trying to please someone else.
Give yourself a year before making a decision to date anyone. Over that year learn to love yourself and respect yourself. You don't realize how much you really don't love yourself until you are free from the person who is making you miserable.
You have a right to be free. You have a right to be loved. You have the right to go out and enjoy yourself.
Keep yourself busy. Take some classes, go dancing, see a movie, take yourself out to dinner without a tag along. Love you for you. You don't need to change yourself for anyone. If you have put up with baby mama's or baby daddy's then go and forget about all that.
Their kids were never your responsibility but you feel it was because it was their kids.
Going into another relationship quickly will turn out to be a disaster. You will find out the hard way that the person you picked up was just like the last.
Over the year make a list of qualities you are looking for in a partner. Stick to that list when you finally feel like dating again. Don't fall head over heels in love with someone before you see the true person. If they do something you don't like and keep doing it then call the whole thing off. This is the behavior that put you in the last relationship that you tried to get way from.
Your Decision to End a Relationship
Things You Should Never Do
First and Foremost never vent your feelings about your partner on social media. Its not becoming of you and it doesn't help when people are just going to tell you to leave.
Social media has been the end of a lot of relationships. You find someone in your past and think you can pick up where you left off 40 years ago. Umm no you can't. You broke up with them 40 years ago and they have not changed.
Do not accept any form of bad behavior from someone. It may sound petty but if they do one thing wrong end it because they will never stop doing it.
Don't accept promises that the person will change because they won't.
Don't fool yourself into believing that this is the way love should be because it isn't.
Don't believe everything they tell you in the beginning because we all try to impress someone until we get them.
Don't change for anyone. It's not your place to let someone decide how you should behave.
Don't take abuse from anyone even if he has never hit me. One day he will.
Don't change your appearance for someone else. If you like tattoo's and piercings then find someone who is okay with it.
Don't spend a dime on another person when just getting to know them because they will always expect it.
Don't move in with them right away or let them live with you. If they are interested in being with you then they will understand. If the other person doesn't have their own place and rents a room, they are looking for someone who has a stable home environment for them to move into.
You have to look out for you. Its not petty to have expectations. If you don't like people who smoke then don't date a smoker. If you can't stand the smell of alcohol then don't meet for drinks. You have to set the stage for the play and see it through.
Always be true to yourself and someone will find a way to be true to you also.
Loving yourself beats any love you can obtain from another person.
The Truest Statement
Everyone wants to be loved and we deserve to be loved. You have to know the difference between lust and love. Once the in love feeling ends you still love them but the difference is you are in real life now and can you live with their behavior. Have you argues in the first month that you have dated? Bingo that should be the first and last argument especially if its about doing something you enjoy to be shot down by your new love.
When red flags pop up pay attention to them. It's the truth listen to it. Your gut feeling is your true feeling of knowing when its wrong. Listen to your gut instinct. Be happy alone and enjoy your freedom. Loving you is never wrong.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.