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How To Act, Behave and Be Confident On A First Date

Updated on December 31, 2015

Many individuals find it extremely difficult to converse comfortably with the opposite sex: several different factors may contribute to as to why this is, but the main reason is, indisputably, confidence. Sometimes appearing confident on the outside can help you feel better in general, and there are some wonderfully simple ways to come across as the sexy, confident woman you want to be - even if you aren't feeling like her right now.


Firstly, remember to smile – smiling sends out positive, warm signals and releases hormones that help you relax and feel good. Also, smiling is one of the most simple ways to trick an individual (as well as yourself), into believing you are feeling confident and happy – regardless of how you feel on the inside. It makes you look more approachable, softer and more welcoming than if you have a conversation without smiling. You don’t have to maintain a wide, cheesy grin throughout an entire conversation – that would obviously be false (and possibly a little unnerving), but a small smile – even a fairly shy one – goes a long way.


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Make Eye Contact

Eye contact is vital when you are trying to portray yourself as confident – it can be incredibly difficult for some individuals to maintain eye contact for long periods of time, and looking away is actually a way of showing submission. If you feel you need to look away, that’s absolutely fine – if you are talking you can break eye contact and make it seem like you have done so to think about a point you are making, or if the man you are talking to is in mid-conversation with you, you can simply tilt your head slightly (showing you are listening), and drop your gaze for a few seconds. This may not seem like a very long time, but a few seconds is usually all you need to be able to continue the conversation while meeting his gaze. It is very important to try to relax when talking to men, even if you feel insecure about doing so.

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Talking With Your Hands Is A Good Thing!

When talking, try ‘speaking with your hands’ – small, even irrelevant hand gestures whilst talking can signify knowledge about the subject and precise, clear thinking. Again, this is such an easy thing to do – because it is the habit of so many people, and is considered completely normal, there is no reason for you to feel silly when trying it out. Another hint for hand gestures is to remember that open palms reflect an open attitude – and therefore, once again, can really help you to seem more confident than you are feeling. Turn towards him when he is talking to you – by exhibiting open body language, you are effectively telling him that you want to know what he has to say, and that you are comfortable and confident enough within yourself to stand your ground.

Body Language Is Key

Many women who are not confident talking to men find themselves thinking about their body language – for instance: “what do I do with my arms…” while the person they are talking with is completely unaware of how she is feeling. State of mind is just as important as any physical signals you can put out – remind yourself calmly, that the man you are talking to is just that – a man. By simplifying the situation in your mind, you can shift a little bit of the worry contributing to making it so difficult to talk without questioning yourself and how you are coming across.

Body language plays a crucial role in portraying yourself as a confident, happy individual – which is extremely important when you are talking to members of the opposite sex. Good posture is essential for your general well-being and when you are needing to come across as comfortable in your own skin, standing or sitting up straight (hunched shoulders demonstrate insecurity), with your head held high can make a massive difference.

Remember that crossing your arms or folding them over your chest represents a barrier, and can make you seem less easy-going, so if you’re worrying about what to do with your hands or arms mid-conversation, simply tuck a strand of hair behind your ear (simple – but over 60% of men stated they found this small gesture very sexy), and put your hands in your lap if you are sat down or by your hips if you are standing up. You can also tuck one hand under your chin if you are sitting, with an elbow resting on the chair arm – this shows you are being attentive to what the other person is saying and also shows you are evaluating or sussing the person out.

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Show Interest In The Conversation

This may sound silly – but if you pay attention in work and social situations, very often when someone takes a step forward – or begins a conversation, you will notice the person they have begun conversing with shuffle on the spot, or even take a step backwards, which shows uncertainty and demonstrates a lack of self-confidence. If you are sat down, it will be even easier for you to keep your body turned towards him while exhibiting open, relaxed body language.

An occasional nod in agreement shows that you are interested in what the person you are talking to is saying, and offers encouragement for them to continue with what they are saying. It is a way of participating in the conversation without talking, which you may find comes as a relief at times if you aren’t sure what to say in response. Remember that there are many women who find it almost impossible to talk to men without wanting to run away, and it takes time and practice to feel at ease with, what many people would consider, a ‘day-to-day situation’. Give yourself time to practice the above tips and you’re bound to surprise yourself with how fast you overcome the confidence problem.

One of the most common worries on a first date is that the conversation won't flow easily and the two individuals on the date will feel awkward. If you relax enough and just be yourself (cliché I know, but true), you should find plenty to talk about. Ask questions and then encourage the other person to talk more about Their subject, such as work or a particular hobby that they enjoy.

Pretty Up Those Dry Heels

Wear Something You Feel Comfortable In

Feeling comfortable will make it much easier for you to relax and act naturally on the date, so wear something that you like on yourself. Every woman has one (or more) area that she wishes was slimmer or more toned etc and two of the most common areas like this for women are tummies and thighs.

Knee-length dresses are sophisticated and sexy and they also are a great compromise for women who don't like their legs very much.

In my opinion, leaving something to the imagination on a date is always the way to go - and a dress or top which accentuates your curves or best features without having too much cleavage or thigh on show can actually be a lot sexier in the long-run to a man. Also, if you are trying to start a relationship with somebody you want them to pay more attention to what you are saying than your physical appearance.

Share Your Best First Date Tip!

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    • tazzytamar profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago from chichester

      Thank you Elaine! Yes definitely change the subject onto something new when they are finished and if your date is rambling on about something you are really uninterested in just listen politely for a little while and then try and get them talking about something else... There's nothing worse than listening to someone ramble on for hours about something when you have no idea what they are talking about (happened to me once and I learned from it!) I couldn't get a word in edgeways!

    • Elaine Flowers profile image

      Elaine Flowers 

      4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Voted useful!

      Should you show interest in the conversation if you're not really interested? Is it okay to change the subject once they're finished?

    • tazzytamar profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago from chichester

      Awesome advice. I bet 80% of dates would be more successful if people followed those tips. Thanks for the comment :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      4 years ago

      Very well written. Voted up and useful!

      The only other thing I would add is (be yourself).

      The ultimate goal is to find someone who will love and appreciate (you) for who you are. Sometimes when people try to "win someone over" they are not being their "authentic selves".

      Lastly keep in mind no one is asking you to decide on whether to cut red wire or the blue wire! It's just a date! Relax!

      (Enjoy the meal, movie, play, concert, bowling, sailing, or whatever activity). People want to be with people who know how to have a good time.


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