- Gender and Relationships
How To Keep Dating Your Wife
When you were first falling in love, you did certain things. You made certain efforts. You were getting to know her, asking her questions, listening to her stories. Asking her thoughts and opinions on different things. Telling her your tales. You shared your day, you shared your dreams. You left little notes, you sent cards or flowers. You bought gifts. You made sure your car or your apartment were clean when she was coming over. You spent a little time grooming yourself and picking out clean clothes to wear when you were about to see her. You tried to be romantic. You tried to win her over.
Eventually, you did. You won. The woman you pursued agreed to spend her life with you. You got married.
Now it’s 5, 10, maybe 25 years later. And it’s all routine. There is no more magic. There is no more romance.
It’s not too late to turn that around, recapture the magic you had when you were falling in love, and start dating your wife all over again.
Gifts and Mementos
The thing about a gift is that the recipient knows it took you a moment of your day. That’s basically the anchor of every suggestion I’m about to make: spend some time. Just a little bit of your time that says you thought about her, and you cared enough to let her know.
Gifts don’t have to be jewelry and roses. They don’t have to be expensive and you don’t have to go out of your way.
A few years ago my husband walked in around dinner time from work and handed me a small brown paper bag.
When I opened it, I found two little pieces of cornbread wrapped in wax paper. He told me he had lunch at some new place, and they had the best cornbread. Knowing I love cornbread, he ordered a couple pieces to go for me. Do I need to tell you how that totally made my day?
It really is that simple.
You’re busy – we’re all busy. It’s hard to put a lot of thought into the perfect gift and it’s even harder to find the time to go shopping. So don’t. Let that go. Save that for special occasions. But you can do the simplest things every day inexpensively and easily, that will show her you remember what she likes. You listen. You thought of her. You took a moment and spent it on her.
The next time you’re in Home Depot, couldn’t you spend just a couple seconds and a couple bucks on a new little pair of garden gloves for her? If you travel for business can’t you just stop in the gift shop and grab a little teddy bear with the name of the city you’re in on it’s t-shirt. Next time you’re in Staples, check out the pen sets or the fancy stationary.
Even bringing home a little candy bar or a new flavor of Snapple that you thought she’d like says something. Take a picture with your cell phone of a dog you see, that maybe reminds you of a dog she used to have. These little gifts make all the difference.
Notes. Cards. Texts. Emails. Calls.
Again, it’s all about time. Just a little time. You’re on your computer or your Crackberry all day. Take a moment to send her “I love you.” She’ll love it.
Leave a little note someplace she’s not expecting it. Leave it taped to the fridge or the bathroom mirror. Leave it in her car, or in her coat pocket.
“Thanks for buying my favorite kind of coffee.”
“Thanks for all you do.”
“Just thought I’d say hi.”
“You looked gorgeous today, just wanted you to know.”
“You make the BEST pancakes.”
“Looking forward to seeing you at dinner.”
It doesn’t have to be long, or poetic, or painful for you to come up with. A sentence or two, a thought or two, if you don’t have a notecard any little piece of paper will do. It’s the thought that counts.
We all get comfortable as time marches on. Maybe you don’t go to the gym quite as much, and you don’t have the disposable income you used to have to buy new clothes and get expensive haircuts and professional shaves.
There is a difference between becoming a little comfortable and scaling back on the money you spend on your appearance, and in totally letting yourself go. Of course you still have to shower. And wash. With soap.
You know what I’m saying here. Throw the stained shirts and the worn underwear away. Wash up before you see your wife. Comb your hair, put on a little cologne. If you’re really busy, ask her if she’d pick out a deodorant or body spray for you that she likes.
One thing you may not realize is that any effort you make, might inspire like behavior in her. Hey, maybe she’s gotten too relaxed too. Are you sick of the sweatpants? Tired of the ponytails? Believe me, when she sees that you’re making an effort to look nice for her, she will most likely follow suit.
All of these suggestions will inspire her to want to date you again too.
The Home: Cleaning, Cooking. Help. Notice.
Don’t let yourself take for granted all she does. If she’s the one that does the majority of the housework or the cleaning, make sure you let her know how good the house looks, or how much you loved her pasta salad. Offer to take care of dinner once in a while to give her a break. You can learn how to make one half way decent meal. Or you could bring home Japanese take out. Or, you could do something fun like make breakfast for dinner. People love that.
When you were dating you took her out to eat. You picked restaurants, you handled the arrangements. Do that again. Even if you can’t afford a bunch of fancy restaurants and even if you don't have a ton of time. You can still pick a meal and handle the arrangements. She’ll love it.
You were getting to know her. You aren’t finished.
When you were dating, you didn’t know everything about her. You had to ask her what her favorite movie is. You had to listen to her talk to find out if she believed in the Lochness Monster, or if she ever saw Blink 182 live.
Well, time has passed, and guess what. You don’t know everything about her, again. What does she think about Blink getting back together? Does she watch Dr Phil? Is that show any good? What is the best thing about her job? What is the worst? What does she think about the current president, or the new mall, or the carpet in the living room. Did she hear the neighbors fighting the other night? Does she miss having a dog? Has she checked out that Stupid Pet Tricks youtube video you sent her?
Her opinions, her thoughts, her fears, her dreams, her likes and dislikes, her concerns and her pleasures have all continued to grow and change and accumulate. And so have yours. Tell her how you feel about something. Ask her what she thinks. Just like when you were dating.
All of these things are romantic. Romance isn’t fairytales. Romance can be a little note, a compliment, or a little bag of cornbread.
was written by Veronica for Hubpages. If you are reading it anyplace else, it has been stolen.
All text is original content by Veronica.
All photos are used with permission.
All videos are courtesy of youtube.
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