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How To Stalk Someone and Get Away With It

Updated on December 2, 2011

Confessions of a Stalker

No one wants to be stalked because it feels like an invasion of ones's privacy.Aside from that, stalking is a crime. Let's get that straight. However, because we are human beings, we seem to have been born curious about how things work, how other people live and what's going on in the lives of other people. There are times that we get extremely curious and we are drawn to wonder about this person -- then we begin to think of him about three times a day, usually while eating --must have something to so with our need to 'eat'. Perhaps, it's the plain appetite of wanting to know more.. and more.. and more. Then, we begin to get caught in the mind trap of associating not only eating -- but everything with this person. For instance, you're looking at the most beautiful sunset and you begin to wish that person was with you instead of admiring the glorious scenery. Soon, the thought of a person becomes an obsession and one can do funny things like actually dropping by uninvited or looking for the slightest reason to see, call or visit this person.

Believe me, I've been there and got away with it. I got away with stalking by applying Sun Tzu's The Art of War principle. First, never make the person feel that he is being stalked. Bump into him 'accidentally' but say something like 'excuse me. do I know you? '. If you do he'd reply 'yes, remember I was that one in.. '.Your reply should be 'I see, goodbye.'. Then leave. Your heart will tell you to stay and hang around, but DO NOT FOLLOW YOUR HEART when it comes to stalking. Wait for a week or two (swim it OUT, gym it out or take some Valiums) until you accidentally 'meet' him again, preferably in a common friend's place though if you have no choice but some restaurant or library 'make a face' right away and say ' YOU AGAIN?' and give him the blank stare. There is nothing as delicious as making the person you wish to stalk want to stalk you -- so be ruthless, merciless, even a bit rude - but do not overdo it. Say something like, 'why is it that every time I see you my car breaks down?' No kidding, this works, usually the stalker will prove that he is not the bad luck in your life by either volunteering to fix your car or talking you home. On the ride home, decline any offer to drop by any place he suggests to eat or have a cup of coffee.. tell him you want to watch a UFO movie or that you have your Flying Spaghetti Monster Fellowship and do it with a straight face. POINT : you begin to intrigue him because there is NOTHING you've told him about yourself except that you're into something 'mysterious'. Of course you know about his life (you're a stalker remember?) and if he happens to be interested in the paranormal, for instance, say you have some appointment with your séance group but NEVER give details. Probable response: 'Oh I am also into that' but your response should be something like 'I see.. well mine (my interest) is a bit different I am sure'. Sounds snooty but if you smile, that will intrigue him more. (Like, as If you know something MORE about his interest that he doesn't). Thus, he takes you home and he would know where you live right? After being all that mysterious, you can bet that he'd also 'accidentally' drop by turning him into the 'stalker' out to stalk you.

The whole secret of wanting to stalk anyone, no matter who he is -- is how you present yourself. Make him perceive you as disinterested but intriguing ; a bit amusing ; NOT too mad about him. Sure, ask him questions but never intimate questions.In fact, it is best to listen to him and allow him to ask you the questions. This will give you the chance to say 'what about you?' or 'before I answer your question let me about this first..'. Get my drift? People are just people and are born curious. Men are naturally inclined to be the aggressor (remember the stone age?) and making a man believe that he's doing his natural primal role, is the best way to stalk him.

All wars are fought by deception - Sun Tzu. And heck, everything is fair in love and war!

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    • profile image

      Chris 

      18 months ago

      i like a girl named Abby Corria so hot

    • profile image

      ericrocks 

      6 years ago

      i like a girl named liana salvador so hot

    • TJenkins602 profile image

      Moses Jones 

      6 years ago

      That ain't going to work on me. LOL!!!

      Stalking by making the person stalk you, LOL!!! Bad idea actually, because then the tables will turn on you, and it is not a good feeling. :p

      In all actuality, being stalked can really change your life...

    • debugs profile imageAUTHOR

      debugs 

      6 years ago from Odessey777, Umbris

      Go aheaad but do it intelligently and do not break any laws :)

    • profile image

      Chocoholic 

      6 years ago

      Cool, this stalking thing sounds fun I might try it.

    • profile image

      bob 

      6 years ago

      This really does help. And I really did enjoy reading it, it was humerous and creepy

    • debugs profile imageAUTHOR

      debugs 

      7 years ago from Odessey777, Umbris

      @vinsanity, why thank you. I try to make the creepiest things sound as pleasant (lol!) as can be.

    • profile image

      vinsanity 

      7 years ago

      I actually like this hub. it is a bit creepy but i see how it can be humorous. Great Job! It's very unique!

    • debugs profile imageAUTHOR

      debugs 

      7 years ago from Odessey777, Umbris

      It's TRUE but it was meant to be told in a funny way really :)

    • QudsiaP1 profile image

      QudsiaP1 

      7 years ago

      Ermmm... Okay. :P

      Interesting but creepy and yet very funny.

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