- Gender and Relationships
9 Tips to Tell if Your Guy is Gay
"But I Didn't Know He Was Gay!"
I have this friend Mridula who succumbed to the come-ons of a young Englishman and landed up in bed with him. She was in for a surprise. He kissed her like he wasn’t gay at all and he didn’t even act like most gays do – you know, delicate, ladylike gestures and eyeing the guys and that sort of thing – but he didn’t go further than the kisses. “Maybe he was bisexual or something – or how could he kiss me like that? Or maybe he was too young to realise he was gay. I never did ask him if he was. I just stopped seeing him.” So what would you do if you found out your boyfriend is gay? Here’s what some girls think:
Says Sabrine, “I’ll really admire the guy if he tells me the truth. It’s not easy to confess I’m sure, to being gay. I might feel a bit stupid about not being able to tell myself, but I’ll also feel flattered that he found me attractive enough to lure him away from the boys.”
Rosy says that she’d feel angry with him for not telling her earlier: “I’d feel cheap. I’d feel like I was being used and disgusted at the thought that he must have been thinking of boys all the time and maybe even kissing them or more. I think I could feel guilty too – maybe I put him off girls.”
“First of all I’ll be really shocked and disgusted too at the thought that he could have been with boys,” says Amita. “I think I’ll keep it to myself. I wouldn’t want people to laugh at me for being taken for a ride. And I’ll be suspicious of all guys after that.”
He’s Not Gay Just Because…
What the Experts Say:
- He doesn’t want to sleep with you. There are guys out there who’re not lusting all 24 hours of the day every day.
- He doesn’t want to kiss you. He may want to talk instead.
- He refuses to touch you in front of others. Lots of guys don’t like public displays of affection.
- He went to an all boys school.
- He thinks some guy has a great body and he wants to have that kind of body too.
- He doesn’t eye the other girls. Are you really complaining?
- He doesn’t get drunk like the other guys you know.
- He has lots of girl friends, but they’re only friends.
- He cried in your presence once.
If Your Guy Is Homosexual
If your guy turns out to be gay, it's not your fault anyway, because:
- It’s nobody’s fault.
- It’s got nothing to do with how you look. Looks don’t change basic emotions.
- He liked you enough to go out with you, didn’t he?
- Some guys will never enjoy heterosexual relationships, no matter who their female partner is.
- If he blames you, he’s really got a problem.
- Not every maybe-gay guy is waiting for some sex goddess to change him.
- It’s difficult at times to spot a gay guy.
- You’ve not failed and neither has he.
Advice From Agony Aunt Tricia Kreitman
Agony Aunt, Tricia Kreitman says, “It’s easy to assume that all men or boys are after one thing. In fact, many of them regard sex with the same fears and apprehension as women. They may be more comfortable with the emotional (as opposed to sexual) side of a relationship or they could be totally inhibited by the pressure to perform and ‘score’.”
Keep that in mind, ladies, when you suspect your boyfriend is gay.