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- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
Busy Husband, Tempted Wife
Lead Her Not Into Temptation By Using This Template
Sometimes, bro, you have several weeks' hard work cut out for you, and can't avoid it, and you must tell the beautiful faithful woman who loves you that you will be working too hard to take her to dinner or spare the time for fun lazy weekends and great all-night sex, and too busy for all-day outings, frequent texting, or family time. A relationship without those things is no fun. If you say "Sweetheart, I just won't have the time," she thinks, "Everyone can make the time for what they really want to do." That's true for women, who are multi-taskers. Men know that sometimes there just aren't enough hours in the day.
But she thinks like a woman, not a man. Right or wrong, here are her thoughts when you abruptly announce an absence of "many weeks":
1. He doesn't want to be around me.
2. He's demoted me to last on his priority list.
3. He's hiding something.
4. Is this a preview of how he'll treat me in the future?
5. He takes me for granted.
She's disappointed! It's not rational; she loves you and knows how work sometimes goes, and that you will probably come back. But she's still disappointed and may let you know.
Or, worse, maybe she won't be upset at all. She'll say, "That's nice, dear. Have a good seven weeks." Bro, you have just been dissed to the max.
You can avoid the whole problem! Suddenly declaring that you are so tied up you can't see her for many weeks is undiplomatic, and sets off her warning bells. (Imagine the tables turned.) Break the news gently, with apologies and many reassurances. Tell her she will share in the benefits when your hard work is finished. Tell her you will make it up to her. Keep in touch; take a few minutes to talk with or email her. Understand, dudes, that if you want a relationship, even with the most loving and faithful woman in the world, you must make a perceptible effort to hold up your end of it. A sure way to lose the admiration of a beautiful and faithful woman is to cut back on communication. That leads to an "out of sight, out of mind" effect, a diminishment of love that will first have her weeping because she loves you and you're being so distant, then deciding you might not be worth it. Then she might be phoning her ex or a lawyer, surfing Match.com, or having a drink with that guy who's always saying how gorgeous she is and how lucky you are to have her. Instead, use this template and send her this message:
Write This Note to Show You Care
My dearest wonderful ________, I am so sorry to have to tell you that work projects are going to take up all my time for the next _______ weeks [be as specific as you can about the length of time]. But when these projects are finished I will finally have some breathing room and will gladly make up to you [and the kids] some of the life we will have missed. I'll be phoning or emailing to ask how you are [Never say, "every chance I get"; that's insincere] and tell you how the work is progressing. Who knows, if I keep working hard I may finish the job sooner. I will be eager to see your beautiful face and body the minute the job is over. You know how much I love you and I will miss you, but this job has to be done now, or else _____ [explain. Always explain]. And it won't happen again like this if I can help it.
She will love you and understand. And it's just courtesy. How easy is that?
And remember, love is what you do, not just what you say. While you're apart, send her a loving or sexy surprise: a card, flowers, a sex toy, a funny message, anything you think she'd like. It will remind her of you, and it is evidence that you are thoughtful and caring. That is, if you are thoughtful and caring--and smart. Many will call you a fool for leaving your beautiful woman, who loves you, all alone.