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How To Avoid Blended Families Problems

Updated on January 4, 2014
It is imperative that all adults in a blended family get along. Healthy communication between adults will assure healthy adjusted children.
It is imperative that all adults in a blended family get along. Healthy communication between adults will assure healthy adjusted children.

Step Parent 7 Golden Rules

  1. Honor thy household with equality for all.
  2. Thou shalt not show favoritism between children.
  3. Thou shalt always be a parent first friend second.
  4. Thou shall not put a step child before thy spouse.
  5. Thy shalt never speak ill of a parent in front of a child.
  6. Thy should never take it personal if child likes parent more.
  7. Thy shall always give personal time to spouse and child.

by Darlene Matthews

After having the incredible experience of raising my two step children I can honestly say that the younger they are when you get them the easier it is for them to adjust. I have a sister with a older step daughter that also worked well because she was a little younger than her daughter who was thoughtful and caring.

There were of course ups and downs when dealing with the extended families but a mission to raise healthy well adjusted children will get you through the tough times, and there will be tough times. Raising your own children is a hard enough job. But the added twist of raising someone else's child is a real mind bender when you don't have a plan.

How do you save the closeness of your marriage when taking on the responsibilities of raising someone else's child? Simple, just make a decision to hang in there. If your love is unconditional there should never be an issue.

Unconditional Love

Children are a surprises and should never have the burden to think they control the closeness of adults relationship or how the adults feel about them. I am in the real world and know that love is very conditional in many cases, but it should never be when children are involved.

There are many of us that go into a marriage thinking that love will pull you through, but some marriages have been torn apart from the struggle.

The struggles I am telling you are a bit different from the stress of a teen child that is straying away from their parents.

When two parents are experiencing teen issues from their own child that they share together they are still on the same team. But when a child belongs to only one spouse the team may feel as if it's the child and parent against the other spouse.

When parents lose their connection when raising children the children get the wrong impression and use it to their advantage. Yes, children will use you. They have been doing it since they first began to cry and we been running to their beck and call every since.

My point is this behavior is a natural response and parent have to stick together if they are to survive these trying years together. The best years in your marriage are the years that you work as a team.

Team players can endure every obstacle and become stronger from every experience. In fact they will laugh and enjoy a closer bond from the commitment to work together.

The children will be grown with integrity and respect for being taught first hand what a family unit is all about. It is our duty to teach our children how to be the best they can be from example.

Blended Family Advice:

  1. Plan disciplinary action for children in advance if step parent is watching child on their own. Just in case the little bugger go rouge.
  2. Agree to discuss punishment privately away from child.
  3. Don't let child use other parent as a scapegoat.
  4. Spend together and individual alone time to build bond as a family.
  5. Have regular shared family time everyday such as dinner or breakfast.
  6. Keep step parent abreast of decisions made between you and ex. They are your family.
  7. Respect step parents opinions and listen to suggestions.

The advice will work for any parent child situation. Confusion between parents when raising children will be minimized when a plan is in order and agreed upon.

Raising Blended Families With Steve Harvey

It is very important that all people in the family feel loved. It should be clear that everyone is to be respected as a member of the family. A child that does not feel loved will grow up feeling unwanted and will act out.

Shutting your spouse out and showing favoritism when a child from another household moves in will cause the whole family structure to fail.

It is imperative that a family works hard together and the couple always work as one unit or the marriage could fail. It will take some time to adjust to new blended household rules, but consistency and great care by parents working as a team will help with the success of the new blended family.


Uniting a blended family takes team work and effort from all. A plan to deal with ex's should be deal with to avoid unnecessary problems. Learn how to connect with ex's and don't allow children to play one against the other. Reaching out to the ex's to work with you as a team may not always work. But making the effort will gain respect by the children...eventually.

Children will eventually relax in an environment that is stable and has rules they can depend on.They will have a sense of security which will help them adjust. Making a commitment to raise the best family possible will save your second marriage and enhance your relationship with your new blended family.



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