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How can I mend my broken heart?

Updated on July 9, 2010

 Upon joining hubpages, I found myself browsing among the various topics and blogs posted by our fellas blogwriters and one thing that somehow surprised me was the copious amount of “how to mend a broken heart” articles. Typically they look almost like one of those recipes you’ll find in the back of a Betty Crocker devil’s food cake mix, stating all about what you need (ingredients), what to do (instructions) and what to expect out of the mix. I found myself surprised in the sense that I wasn’t expecting people to be so naïve to think that there is indeed some special combination of tutoring and events that will help you cure a broken heart. The depressing and at the same time nasty truth is that nothing and nobody will help you healing your broken heart until you are ready yourself to be restored back to health again. That is in the case that your heart is truly broken, however, and usually the way to distinguish minor injury from a broken heart is the amount of time that it takes for you to feel like you’re back in business. If you are capable to get back in the dating market and develop some kind of genuine and true interest towards a romantic prospect within a month or so, then let me tell you, your heart was never broken to begin with. If, still after a month, you don’t find yourself moping around the house looking back at every single happy memory you have spent together like in a movie screen but just inside your head, you don’t have a broken heart. If after time has passed, you don’t constantly look back at the last time you argued trying to figure out what you could have done differently and what’s to blame in the things you’ve said, once more, that’s good, because that means you don’t suffer from a broken heart, maybe some minor dislocation, or even just a few bruises, but definitely not a broken heart.

In my research of the “How To” for the broken heart case study I have had a chance to gain some unexpected yet insightful feedback as to what to do exactly, such as: read a book, go out and meet other guys, talk about it with your girlfriends, or do *not* talk about it at all; go watch a movie; start a new blog; make new friends; move to another city (lol!); work double shifts; have sex with random strangers; try bungee jumping; learn how to belly dance…The list could go on and on, but I will spare you from it for the sake of your attention. I believe that ultimately the truth of the matter is that the only absolute master that will gradually help you healing from a broken heart is named Mr. Time, nothing else. You (and I) will be left mourning in the meantime someone who just couldn’t care about us enough to want us in his life bad enough to make the necessary compromises to be in a relationship with us. Until Mr. Time, one day, will decide that the moment to shake the blues off has arrived, and that our perpetrator has been gone long enough to leave very few traces of his presence in our mutated life.

I mean, by no means, go ahead and try to throw yourself from a 700ft. bridge 700ft. in the effort to forget your long gone lover, if you think that after the jump the memory of him will have left your mind and your heart forever, but my best guess is that it will not be the case. The reality is that we are so concentrated on the lacerating hurt that comes from breakups that we don’t realize how therapeutic a stage of solitude and contemplation of our inner strength can actually be. Obviously, that doesn’t mean that you should confine yourself in some Buddhist Japanese monastery indefinitely in the attempt to find your inner self; as a matter of fact your inner self can actually be gathered and explored even in the presence of your most intimate and trusted friends, you know who I am talking about, the ones you have been knowing for a lifetime, the ones you’ve shared your most private secrets with and of whom you know things that are hidden from the rest of society (and probably for a good reason). Now, if you don’t have that type of friends, then we definitely have a problem, but I want to assume that if you’re a regular, middle class, not too terribly weird individual, then you do have at least one friend that belongs to the above mentioned category.

So, ultimately if I had to write my own “Hot To” guide on how to heal a broken heart, it would probably contain only three elements:

1.       Time, lots of time. Don’t be impatient, don’t be anxious. What’s to come will come.

2.       Friends, lots of friends. Remember though, good friends, the ones that know you like the palm of their hands and will be there to catch you when you fall.

3.       Solitude. Be alone; understand what you want for yourself. I know it hurts, and I know it gets extremely lonely, trust me, but solitude helps you discover aspects of your inner self that you will be amazed about, and it will help you loving yourself, which, along with forgiveness, is the first step to heal completely from a broken heart.

Finally, there is no special recipe to get over someone who has deeply hurt you in the core of your inner self, but the good news, and I do deem this to be the good news ladies, is that the power of healing your broken heart lays within your own self; look no further than a mirror to find a way to cure your lonely heart; there’s really no sweet escape.

© 2010 Roberta S


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    • tom hellert profile image

      tom hellert 7 years ago from home


      Glad to be of service


    • robertaharden profile image

      Roberta S 7 years ago from California on the rocks

      Beautiful and inspiring advice Tom. Thank you, I am glad you found me :)

    • tom hellert profile image

      tom hellert 7 years ago from home

      It seems you know what you must do- as I said on the last hub allow the universe to come to you allow the course of nature to flow around you. do not fight it Stop looking and you will find what you seek- If you lost your keys what would you do?

      Hgo back to the last place you had them- so when was the last time you were single and happy? go back to that place mentally it is easier said than done-If we forget where we have been we will never get to where we are going...TH

    • robertaharden profile image

      Roberta S 7 years ago from California on the rocks

      Ahahahaahh!Ironic you mention "meet people at libraries" because I have been attending the local book store frequently lately, obviously not in the effor to find my soul mate, rather with the purpose to find myself. Nicely spotted, Kristin ;)

    • ilmdamaily profile image

      ilmdamaily 7 years ago from A forgotten corner of a dying empire. OK, it's Australia :-)

      "Despite the fact that this is such a poor truth..."

      Don't be too hard on yourself Roberta - one step at a time. Every bit of truth counts - size or type doesn't matter lol.

      Moving to a new city is tough vis a vis meeting the right kind of people. I like to play a game though. It's called opposites. Whatever you used to do there, do the polar opposite here. Used to meet people in bars before? Try libraries here. Used to shy away from public speaking there? Get into acting here.

      I used this tactic to meet a great circle of friends in one city when I participated in improvisational theatre - kind of like the show "who's line is it anyway" - which is something you might like to try. There's nothing like the thrill of comedy without a script fused with the risk of very public embarassment to forge solid friendships fast! And besides, it was an absolute blaaaast! Just a tip:-)

      Every city is a stage, and every day a show. You get to decide what character to cast yourself as;-)

      Have fun with you!

    • robertaharden profile image

      Roberta S 7 years ago from California on the rocks

      Solitude vs. Loneliness, an absolutely basic distinction to keep in mind when dealing with a lost love. So very, very true. I think my fear of being lonely had brought me to a point where, not too long ago, I was living my life from the perspective of a person who wasn't fully me. It scared the pi$$ out of me to the point that I suddenly decided to turn around and go on the opposite direction for the fear of losing that good in me that I was putting in danger. Looking back, I am so ashamed to have done things that my true self wouldn't have even considered to do. To me, it was like calling cold turkey on some kind of undesired behavior; that is actually exactly what I did.

      I was lonely, oh so lonely. Until a few days ago I realized that I *can* live with my solitude without feeling lonely. See, I just moved to a new city, so I don't know many people in the area, and that made me quite uncomfortable. The only people I was able to meet were men, and, unfortunately those men, rather than helping my case, were taking full advantage of it because I let them, of course, what would you expect?... So I quit.

      I think I feel much more comfortable with myself now that I know I don't have anything to regret. I may have nothing to truly look forward in the weekends, but I have nothing to look back and feel sorry for on Monday morning either. Despite the fact that this is such a poor truth, it is making a difference in my life nowaday.

    • ilmdamaily profile image

      ilmdamaily 7 years ago from A forgotten corner of a dying empire. OK, it's Australia :-)

      So very, very, true!

      Your point about solitude is well made, Roberta. I might add this, also: Understand the difference between loneliness and solitude. In both instances you are by yourself - but it's how you feel in that company that dictates whether or not you are at peace in that solitude, or at torment in that loneliness.

      Concentrate on the relationship you have with yourself, it's the most important - and longest lasting - relationship you will ever have: why not make it "an affair to remember"?

      I appreciate how hard it can be for people to move from that position of loneliness to one of solitude in a break up scenario - everything's still just so raw it even hurts to sleep. But if you can give yourself the space to just "be" - which as you point out takes time - you can detach yourself from that pain in some small measure - and begin to value yourself through your own eyes again, not through the lens of another's affections.

      As hard as a broken heart is to live with - and I say "live with" not "mend" - i'm not so sure it's a bad thing, or something to be avoided. I've always joked among those I love that my one wish is that by the time I die, my heart will be one big lump of scar tissue.

      You can't take your heart with you when you die, so you may as well leave as much of it here as you can while you're alive.

      Live fearlessly. Live in such a way as to be remembered - and to be *worth* being remembered.

      The world will adore you for it.

    • robertaharden profile image

      Roberta S 7 years ago from California on the rocks

      Hi!Thank you Elayne001.Friends and time are the perfect mix.

    • elayne001 profile image

      Elayne 7 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      I think we all have at least one broken heart story. Sorry about yours, but we can survive them with friends and time. Solitude is good too, but not too much or you get depressed. I voted you up and look forward to more. Aloha!