ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How do You Deal With Relationship Problems?

Updated on May 27, 2019
EvieSparkes profile image

Evie Sparkes is a published novelist, content writer, and company director from the UK.

Relationship Troubles

We all have them. Relationships are complicated as are human beings. We all have our own idea about how issues within relationships should be handled and we all judge the way others handle their problems even though we say we don't.

Ignoring major issues and underlying problems is no way to handle things, even though we might like to sweep them under the carpet never to be brought up in the hope that they might just go away. They never do. An issue is something that needs addressing or it wouldn't be an issue would it?

Men and women handle problems in their relationship in different ways, with women preferring to address them and men preferring to ignore them. That's the fundamental difference between the sexes.

Troubled relationships usually have more than one issue going on, and day to day life issues are a different thing again.

Talking is Always Better Than Silence

It has been my experience that talking openly about the big issues is fundamental in maintaining a relationship. When you have been together for a long time, it's easy to build up resentment towards each other if you keep your feelings bottled up. The issue gets bigger and bigger in our heads and resentment continues to grow like a tornado, picking up more and more momentum, and more and more little things as it goes until one day the whole thing comes to a head and things are said that cannot be unsaid.

I'm not saying that couples should have regular relationship assessment meetings or anything so unromantic, but a good chat every now and again is like a Spring clean and good for the soul. You know how you feel way better when you've done over the house. You take all of your hard work in and feel a sense of satisfaction. That is what a good relationship needs. A regular airing.

Talk About The Little Things

Yes, talk about the little day to day things that are bugging you. Although these smaller issues might seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, they can actually aid in ending relationships.

It's the little relationship problems that cause huge angst amongst couples. If your husband constantly leaves the toilet seat up, leaves his clothes all over the bedroom floor, never stacks the dishwasher etc, and generally takes you for granted, then he needs to be told. If it bothers you that is. I don't advocate making any sort of issue out of something that doesn't bother you all that much. If you're happier doing all of that stuff then consider that okay.

If your wife nags about everything under the sun, makes you constant 'to do' lists, doesn't think it's her place to cook tea even though she gets home hours before you or leaves the house in a state and expects you to clear up after her, then you need to talk.

I know someone who's husband checks her weekly shopping receipts and generally keeps her on a tight reign. This gets to her but she continues to let him to do it. I know someone else who never cooks a meal for her husband even though she doesn't work. Again, it gets to him but he doesn't tell her it does. The thing is, that if we carry on not speaking about these daily problems in our relationship then as I said before, we are allowing resentment to flourish.

Talking Over The Bigger Issues Helps Save Relationships

It's a fact that couples who talk about their problems remain together for longer or for the rest of their lives. Gone are the days when we all just put up and shut up. We have choices these days.

It's all too easy to give up on a relationship in favour of divorce and Tinder. Keeping a partnership going and keeping it fun is a tricky business. If there are parts of your relationship that are good, if it's not all bad, then it's worth trying to work out the bigger things between you.

For example, if your partner was unfaithful but you decided to stay together. You both think you've dealt with it, but it's become the elephant in the room. You didn't really analyse why it happened or talk about the implications to your relationship or how you were going to move forward from the point of knowing. You just didn't want to divorce because of the kids, the money, the house....but it's there all of the time and you can't get past it. You need to talk. You need to get your feelings right out there, even if it's hard and you hear things you don't necessarily want to hear.

Does Couples Counselling Help?

I have mixed feelings about this as a way of solving deep routed issues within relationships. Although it's good to talk, it's also bad to keep going over and over things.

I know of couples who have been through this process and in each case, it hasn't been successful. Not because they've been talking about their issues, but because the counsellor has persisted in talking about them to the point of one or other of them feeling as if their resentment is founded. They've come away disliking each other a little bit and eventually splitting up.

It's been my experience that a good talk, tears and maybe a bit of shouting is good. After that though, it's time to move on with a plan of action. How are you going to move forward and how are you going to put these feelings and past hurt behind you? Can you even do that?

When It's Time to Call it a Day

Deep down, we all know when we're flogging a dead horse. When all love has gone then it's often better to part company. I advocate doing that in the kindest and mutually respectful way possible. If it's your decision and your partner doesn't want it then go gently. Suggest a trial separation. It's probable that they will come on board with your decision once you both have some breathing space.

When Kids Are Involved

I have seen too many couples use their kids as ammunition in relationship break-up's, each one denying they are doing so and blaming the other party. Even if your ex is being difficult, keep being the rational, kind and reasonable one. I know this is tough on you, but your kids will remember your attitude and thank you for it later in life. I have a very good friend who in the face of absolutely horrible behaviour from her ex, continues to do the right thing. He constantly said awful things about her to her two girls, but she never backed down. She remained silent where her girls were concerned, preferring to leave them to come to their own conclusions about him as they got older. I have much respect for her for doing this. Her girls are amazing and they remain close.

We all deserve to be happy, but we all have the ability to compromise and make a relationship work between us. We can't always have everything just as we'd like, but we can find a solution to our problems if we really want to.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)