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How to Approach and Date a Chinese Woman Online

Updated on April 12, 2010

A Concise Guide to Dating Chinese Women Online

The First Email You Send Her

You want to know about her; and to give her a good impression of you. Right?

So the single most important point at this stage is to keep your English as simple as possible.

You can't write Chinese . . . correct? So don't expect her to understand long complicated sentences in English! Use only simple words and only short sentences. Don't use slang, dialect, jokes or colloquial expressions. She can learn all that later . . . when you learn Chinese (just kidding).

Start the email to her with her first name – and be sure to spell it correctly! (Can be confusing as, in China, the surname is written before the first name).

Use the information in her profile to compliment her and to explain why you are interested in her.

Tell her (simply!) about yourself: be sincere and open.

Reassure her by showing you have read a bit about Chinese culture and etiquette (you have, haven't you?) Show some interest in - and respect for - her Chinese culture.

To help find out if this woman is your “Mrs Right”, you'll need to ask her some questions. Perhaps including:

  • Why are you looking for a Western husband/partner?
  • Does your family approve?
  • What things are important to you in a relationship?
  • What do you expect from your future husband/partner?
  • What do you offer your future husband/partner?
  • What are your priorities in life?

As Your Friendship Grows

As your friendship grows and deepens it is important that you keep in daily communication. This could be through a dating website,  by private email, or by phone (cheap calling through Skype or Sipgate).

It is important to a Chinese lady that you let her know she is always on your mind.  Long distance relationships can easily fail if she is not reassured that you care for her.  Speak to each other about what’s going on in your day to day lives.  It will make you feel closer to one another.  Try to show her you care for her by complimenting her and telling her that you do.  Sometimes send a gift to show her your dedication.  Flowers and love notes are a perfect gift.  Show commitment to one another and talk about future plans.

Building a solid foundation takes time: but it is time well-spent - the better you get to know each other the more likely the relationship will last in the long term.

How Do I Court a Chinese Lady

As with all aspects of life, dating varies enormously across the cultures. To help you overcome the cultural barrier with as little confusion as possible on either side, here are ten helpful tips of what to expect.
Whilst this list is not exhaustive, they will help you along the right track to a lasting relationship.

Essential TIps for Courting a Chinese Girl.

  1. Many Chinese ladies are very shy during dating and prefer that you do the chasing. However make sure you do reply the same day if they do email you first.
  2. She will ask about your age, health and family. In China these are not private matters.
  3. She will ask about your financial status and your income. Don't think of this as mercenary or rude. Unlike in the West, in China a person's wealth is neither a big secret nor your private matter. Security is very important to most ladies worldwide: the Chinese are just more direct in asking! Good financial status reassures!
  4. As education is highly thought of in China, expect her to be very interested in your education level. Should she speak good English, this means she is well educated. Be aware though that emails you receive in English may have been translated for her.
  5. If her English isn’t good, speak to her in Chinese. Can't do that? Then don't look down on her attempts in English. Help her practice, be patient and encouraging. She will pick it up very quickly. Learn a few Chinese phrases yourself. Learning 100 common words isn't that hard and is a great politeness towards her. She will highly appreciate your effort and it's amazing how just a few phrases build intimacy and help conversations along.
  6. The Chinese do not lightly say “I love you”. At first, her signs of affection will be more indirect. For example they will demonstrate their feelings by being immaculately dressed / made up and by striving to look after you. They will try very hard to ensure your home, health, clothes and food are perfect.
  7. When you plan your first meeting, be aware that most Chinese women do not drink (or only the occasional glass). So asking her to dinner or a show may be less awkward than going for a drink.
  8. Men are expected to pay for dinners; indeed all expenses when courting. It's a sign of respect which remains a common tradition through most Eastern cultures.
  9. Lastly, and most importantly, Chinese women are interested in finding a secure future with someone who is respectful them and their family. Don't expect "casual flings".

Me with my Partner Shuang

Speaking From Experience

Although I am a westerner I live much of my life in Shenzhen, China with my partner Shuang who is Chinese. Having been through the internet dating process ourselves, which was how we met each other, we possess a great knowledge of how other web sites operate and, although there are some excellent sites, there are also a higher percentage of poor quality sites.

During our time of internet dating, and after a lot of extra research, we have learned of the many bad practices that both website operators and website users get up to in order to extort money out of honest people.

It is partly due to this that we decided to start our own web site solely for marriage minded people, in a bid to help you to find similar happiness to what we have found, but avoiding the pitfalls.

We are very aware that there has been a mass explosion of internet dating sites but know that most have been mass produced and are just another leg of some of the famous scamming “FREE” sites who care nothing about their members, we are not that type of site as you will soon discover.

In operating this site we have a hands on approach and are 100% committed to providing customer satisfaction and can blame nobody except ourselves if this goal is not met.

We work a minimum of 12 hours every day and can often be contacted outside of our normal working hours in order to assist our members. As we are a new site we know we have much work to do in building an honest profile database but with your help this will be possible.

We will be introducing new services as necessary but one of our goals is to keep the site as simple as possible without too many useless links, just put there to help with SEO. Customer feedback is always appreciated, be it positive or negative, as it helps us to produce the site that you want.
We hope you will visit and enjoy using our site and also find your lifetime partner as we did.

Please Note: For a short time we are offering free membership to new sign-ups.


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    • lovememarryme profile image

      lovememarryme 3 years ago


      Happy all is going well in your relationship. Hopefully one day it will become more than long distance.

    • profile image

      ronnie Hepner 3 years ago

      She help me with culture and language and I help her with English ..heyyy. I help her with anything she want ..find ways to do things together just try to do them in her culture even willing to change my religion to hers. And I tell her that ..I can't speak for you ...but im very serious about her and some people may say im going to extreme learn all those things like I say im serious about my relationship with her. I give her that respect and for her family ..they become my family ..

    • profile image

      ronnie hepner 3 years ago

      I have been in long distance relationship little over year ..she is beautiful very smart ..I send her love poems I wrote to her my own poems Chinese character ..I talk daily to her. Because of time difference while sh sleep I send message. Photos. Short videos to show my love ..I always always ask about her family. And send my love and best wishes to them. I bookmark places learn culture. Tradition ..I also have phrase books in Cantonese. Yes I use them to greet her and say goodnight. I love you ..I always ask about her day ..what she doing.

      everything ..she not out to take my money ..I offer to buy gifts. Even a cellphone. So I can talk on phone ..she tell me to save money not to spend unnecessary ..she ask about me how and what I do ..I never lied to her about anything. She found this to be true ..I talk about future plans for us hopelessly in love totally ..I love way she make me feel excited and happy I am just to hear from her ..another idea send feng shui symbols and images ..check when sending flowers what kind and the number of flowers you send.this has a meaning also..holidays ..for her Chinese holidays I participate in those by decorations or other things by her cultural because it's a way to do things together even though we are over 7000 miles apart.

      ..autumn moon festival is coming get mooncake ready I spending time under the moon with my beautiful love and future wife my beautiful Lypiao ...luo-ni ..ngoh ngoi neih very very much

    • profile image

      Nina 5 years ago

      I was going through health and found a nice concept "Healthy Dating" at http://beta.iValueHealth.NET

    • lovememarryme profile image

      lovememarryme 7 years ago

      Hello Dan,

      Yes, I could not agree more with you. I know you are well in touch with all the dating sites as I follow many of your never ending hubs about dating. I am in agreement with you that there are many scammers and undesirables on dating sites and the need to rid of them is most important. As you know my site is a run of the mill dating site for ladies and gentlemen who are interested in marriage only with an option for members to verify their identity in an effort to have genuine members only. This actually is not really working which probably goes to show that there are many scammers and undesirables, not just on my site but on all.

      I am doing research at the moment on the best way for me to attract genuine women to my site, all of whom will be verified as to their intentions. Although to be honest, from my experience there is more undesirable males on dating sites, especially when they don't have to pay.

      What are your high quality sites choices in Thailand and Japan for me to look at and do you run a site yourself?

    • DanPowers profile image

      DanPowers 7 years ago from Tokyo

      What somebody needs to start is an honest INTRODUCTION AGENCY in China, like the ones they have in Thailand or Japan. Online dating is a bit hit and miss to be honest. An introduction agency should weed out the scammers, dishonest ladies, golddiggers and other undesirables. There are loads of men like me who have money and no time to spend sifting through the millions of profiles on Asian dating sites. We are crying out for a high quality Chinese introduction agency!

    • lovememarryme profile image

      lovememarryme 7 years ago

      Hello Sacheal

      Thanks for reading my hub and am glad that you found it useful info. Having a Chinese partner myself does give me a slight advantage understanding their culture although believe me I'm learning all the time.

      If you would really like to meet a Chinese woman then I would suggest you join a website like my It will take time to get to know a beautiful Chinese lady but well worth the time spent. On my site I also have some other info you may find useful or you can ask me more here.

    • sacheal profile image

      sacheal 7 years ago

      your experience in this aspect of dating a chinese lady is really owesome,but actually the question is how can i get to chat with one or get to know one i'm really interested.

    • lovememarryme profile image

      lovememarryme 7 years ago

      prince6688, Thanks for reading my dating article and would me more than happy for more of your readers/members to take a peak. Always best to have as much info as possible when delving into the unknown.

      Andy from LoveMeMarryMe

    • profile image

      prince6688 7 years ago

      "Hi, very nice article about the subject matter,its really helpful ,thanks for sharing ,Make it as easy as possible for you to contact people around the world by means most convenient to you. All contact that you make with other members is anonymous, whether you are using email or our chat systems. Here you'll find a community of singles who are using site as a tool to make connections and to find romance, dates, friends, pen pals, activity partners and marriage partners. Looking for a friend or relationship where you get to understand the personality of your match with no hassle? To find your match, go to


    • lovememarryme profile image

      lovememarryme 7 years ago

      Sam, Thanks once again for your comments but also be aware that gold digging cliché is prevalent in all women. The difference with , lets say Chinese women, is that they will ask you upfront, what is your worth.

      Your question of what does it set us back (I'm assuming financially) arranging everything, could you be a bit more explicit on your question. Are you asking about the price of getting aquainted with an Asian lady, or the price of marriage or the grand total price of happiness.

      Getting aquainted is relatively cheap, once you have made initial contact via a dating site for example, $25 all in. Marriage is similar to the West, it can a very low key affair with just the official signing of the marriage docs in a shabby office, or followed up at a later date by an extravagant ceremony.

      As for the future cost of having an Asian partner, be aware that you will or may be expected to contribute to the welfare of her family. This is obviously a negotiable figure and varies by culture and location but expect to have to find say $3000 per annum.

    • profile image

      Sam 7 years ago

      Thanks for the quick reply Andy, and it's not a problem I'll definitely be sending people here so they can see the happy side to finding an Asian wife instead of sticking with the typical 'gold digging mail order bride' cliché. Also I'll book mark your dating website and keep checking for up dates and spread the word for you!

      There was another question I did have and I'm sure quite a lot of other men would like this answer too. How much does it actually set somebody back arranging everything, an estimate at least? All though I do know that true happiness is priceless and I myself wouldn't mind the cost but am curious.

      Could you also say thank you to your wife for her help for me.


    • lovememarryme profile image

      lovememarryme 7 years ago

      Hello Sam,

      First may I say thanks for reading my hub and I'm glad you got some info from it. Yes I have started what I would one day like to be a good genuine honest dating site although it is far from there as yet, hopefully one day when I have more members and can be more selective over my members it will be. With a dating site it's extremely difficult to get members to upload photos, never mind going even further and getting themselves ID verified which is how I would like all my members to be.

      As for your question about an acceptable age for a perfect match it's very hard to give an exact answer as all women are different. I have asked my partner who is Chinese and she is of the opinion that older men are a better choice as they tend to have done all their playing in their younger days. That being said, from what I have learned is that marriage is very important Asian women and divorce is not taken easily. Therefore I would say any man of any age who is totally committed to his Asian wife will do very well.

      Hope that helps a bit and feel free to reply or ask further questions.

      You may also contact me using the link at the bottom of my site, membership not required to use the link.

      Andy Admin@LoveMeMarryMe

    • profile image

      Sam  7 years ago

      Hey there mate!

      Thanks for the very interesting hub to read, it's provided me with a lot of information and I'm glad you've started up a genuine site! I'll be sure to check it out one day.

      Did have one question though.. what age do most Asian women find acceptable for their perfect match? I am quite young compared to a lot of people writing success stories but know exactly what I want out of life and how to treat a women correctly!

      Would be glad for anything you have to let me know!

      Look forward to hearing your response soon.

    • lovememarryme profile image

      lovememarryme 7 years ago

      Hi Paulie,

      Thx for reading my hub and hope you found it entertaining. Hope all going well with your Filipina partner.

    • profile image

      Paulie from Syracuse 7 years ago

      Wow, not to be discriminatory, however, I married a Filipina 12 years ago in Sha-Tin which was considered the New Territories then. But as I had some time to do a little exploring on my on throughout the Greater Hong Kong area, by the time we were ready to take our wedding vows in a Civil Ceremony I was ready to hit myself in the head saying "Man, I Could Have Had A V-8).

    • lovememarryme profile image

      lovememarryme 7 years ago

      Hello Not from the Bronx,

      Happy to receive your comments and thanks for the pleasing comment about my Chinese partner. Look forward to reading more of your articles.

    • formerbronxboy profile image

      formerbronxboy 7 years ago from NOT THE BRONX

      love (not mine), It was quite easy to figure out what your girlfriend looked like, nice looking lady. Specifics on dating are difficult, as are women. Find what you like, and go for it.

    • lovememarryme profile image

      lovememarryme 7 years ago

      Hello Keith,

      Thanks for the positive comment. We are really pleased that you enjoyed reading our article and found our site a refreshing change from the usual. And yes, we will be writing new hubs as soon as possible, watch this space!!!

    • profile image

      Keith Winter 7 years ago

      Thanks for the excellent info. Your site makes a refreshing change from the usual. Very useful hub. Keep them coming!!