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How to Break Up the Right Way

Updated on July 14, 2019
LorraineSky profile image

I've just broken up with my boyfriend of 1 year and 4 months and this is how I did it. Easily the smoothest break up I've ever had.

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I've just broken up with my long term boyfriend and while doing it, I got a lot of different opinions thrown at me that made the whole thing pretty confusing. Don't get me wrong, it's good to have a second opinion when making a big decision but too many can overwhelm you and blind you from doing what's best for you.

And at the end of the day, your relationship should be between you and your partner. Everyone else is spectators

So let's begin, 5 simple steps to an easy break up with no tears

1) Do it in person

This one should go without saying. Always in person, unless your partner is an abuser or a cheat, in which case, this probably isn't the article for you.

Meeting in a public place is your best option for two reasons. N.1 You don't want to invite your partner to your house, or worse, invite yourself over to theirs because it's a familiar place. Somewhere the two of you probably 'hung out" and made memories, it's only going to hurt them more if you break up on the sofa you had your first kiss on. N.2 If your partner ends up taking the news badly, then it's safer for you to be somewhere everyone can see.

I know it's a daunting prospect to break up and, like with all things technology, it be easier to just send a text but you'll probably find it goes better when your face to face. Remember this is a person you cared about, maybe still do in a way, and someone you spent a part of your life with. They deserve the respect of being told to their face why your leaving them, and they'll respect you in turn for being brave enough to do it.

So take a deep breath, and arrange to meet up with them.

2) Don't beat around the bush

So, you've met up in person and you're sitting down ready to have "the talk" the last thing you want is to drag the ordeal out with meaningless small talk. Chances are your partner has already figured out what you're going to say after you invited them out, so don't leave them in suspense.

Get it out quickly to get the conversation rolling, that way you can move on to the important part.

3)Explain

This is the big one. Obviously, you can't just say "we're breaking up" and walk off, you might as well of just texted them. You need to explain calmly why you want to break up and I'd recommend going over your points in your head before you see them.

I'll use myself as an example, I broke up with my boyfriend because we were in long distance relationship and I felt we were growing apart. When we first went to university we made an active effort to stay in touch, texts and calls and such. However, as the year progressed we started to distance ourselves from each other. I noticed we weren't trying to see each other when we had the chance. It all came to a head when I visited his house and felt more like I was greeting a stranger for the first time rather than my boyfriend of over a year.

After you've explained, you want to give your other half the chance to process what their hearing and ask any questions. You're going to answer these honestly as that's another good way to garner respect. This is also a good time to slip in your apology. Part of me doesn't understand why we apologize for breaking up as we're doing what's best for us but we do. It shows class.

To be honest, you'll likely find that your ex was thinking the same thing as well.

4) Making deals

Once you're on the same page, you and your new Ex need to make some decisions about what happens next and theirs a couple of things this could include

Possessions, when and how are you going to return any possessions of the other persons you/they might have.

Mutual friends, the best thing for an easy break up is to just be cool if you see your ex at a friend gathering. It makes things less awkward for you two and the people around you

Social media, for me and my boyfriend, we just changed our status's back to single and that's all I suggest you do as well. Maybe change your profile pic if they happen to be in it but don't post about your break up because it looks more like a cry for attention and makes the other person look bad. If your feeling low, which is expected even if it does go well, message your friends directly. You don't want the whole world to see your private life.

Most importantly, photos, everyone says it but not everyone listens. If either of you has sent the other intimate photos then it's important you both agree to delete them. Do it there and then if you can to remove any worries and hopefully they do the same. If they don't do it right away, keep asking them about it until they do, you're not in the wrong for doing so and neither are they.

5)Afterward

After all that hard work you don't to mess up the ending. How you end "the talk" is entirely up to you and what you think it appropriate.

Personally, I went for lunch with my ex, we'd been good friends before getting together and we'd both just got back from family holidays so we talked about those before going our separate ways.

I understand this might feel odd for some couples and maybe a simple hug and a "see you around" is the better option. Whatever you do, make sure to end on a good note.

And there you are, 5 simple steps to a smooth break up. I hope this helps some of you or at least points you in the right direction.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      8 months ago from Chicago

      Some good tips.

      However I believe it all depends on the nature of the relationship and long you have been a couple matters. Naturally if your partner is abusive I would skip the (in person) breakup conversation!

      A breakup is always done at the comfort level of the person ending the relationship. Your safety and wellbeing comes before all else! People have been actually been physically hurt or killed by exes. It's no requirement to have drawn out drama filled night.

      Also if you are in a long-distance relationship don't feel obligated to buy an airline ticket or drive several hours to breakup in person.

      Because you were good friends with your ex before becoming a couple it may be fine to maintain a friendship. However for most people it is probably best to adopt the (no contact rule) for a while.

      Oftentimes the person ending the relationship will offer friendship as a "consolation prize" in order to keep their ex from wigging out completely and it also helps her/him avoid feeling like the "bad guy".

      However it also gives their ex (false hope) that maybe there might be a chance to get back together again. Sometimes exes/friends have been known to find themselves sharing a night of passion.

      The person who got dumped believes they're getting back together and when they realize their ex saw it as just sex they're hurt again!

      Simply put it's (unrealistic) to expect to go from being "red hot" lovers to "instant platonic" friends resembling siblings.

      You are also the last person who can help your ex get over you!

      The no contact rule is designed to each of you time and space to grieve and emotionally move on. It is recommended that you unfriend them on social media, avoid going places you know they frequent, block phone numbers and email addresses.

      Refuse to be lured in by any gifts, cards, flowers/balloons sent to you for any reason or out of the blue. Your ex simply wants you to call and acknowledge them with the hopes of reestablishing contact. Don't feel obligated to acknowledge receiving any gifts.

      Truly the best friendships between exes normally occurs after a large gap in time where (both people) have moved on emotionally and have found new love with someone else.

      Most experts recommend half the amount of time you were together. So if you dated for a year you'd go 6 months without any contact. There is no one size fits all for breakups or anything else.

      Every ending is a new beginning!

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