- Gender and Relationships
How to Calm Her Down During A Fight
Calming Her During a Fight
Even the most harmonious pairs get pissed at each other sometimes. But if you know how to handle your girlfriend's emotions during a tiff, you can prevent a full-scale screaming match from ensuing. To defuse a blow-out, follow this advice.
Don't Try to Hug It Out
- So maybe she's overreacting a little, but trying to gloss over the problem by physically engulfing her will just make it worse. According to Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.d, author of Make UP, Don't Break Up "When you try to solve an argument with physical contract [alone], it seems to her that you aren't listening.". So even if you hate hashing things out, the fight will cool down faster if you assess her concerns.
Be The Bigger Person
- When you've wronged your girl, you just have to come clean....and soon. "Being stubborn will only aggravate the situation" warns psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D, author of Emotional Fitness for Couples.
- So what if you're innocent? Try this alternative to an apology: "I didn't do that intentionally, but now I can see why took it that way." In some ways, it's better than "I'm sorry," which can sound like an easy out.
Stay On Course
- You know how it goes: One minute, you're fighting about whose turn it is to do dishes, and the next minute, she's harping on how you missed her sister's birthday party..six months ago. "When a person feels like they're not being heard or realizes they're wrong, they may dig up old baggage to bolster their point" says Weil.
- Your job: Steer the conversation on the immediate accident. If she brings up the past grievances, say "Wait, can we just talk about what happened today? We can discuss the other issue later, but I want to finish this first."
Reassure Her That You Want To Fix It
- Often, fight spin out of control when woman worries that relationship is at stake. That's why you should show her that you care enough about the union to mend the problem. "Rather than just focusing on what either of you did wrong, tell her that you want to find ways to prevent the same issue from popping up again" says Weil. It shows you're in it for the long haul.