How to Catch a Cheating Lover

Not much in life is as painful as discovering your partner has been cheating on you, but almost as bad is not knowing for sure if your suspicions are founded. Having had more than my fair share of boyfriends who have cheated on me over the years, I have become very adept at spotting the danger signs, and finding ways to prove their infidelity. Although finding your hunch was right is very traumatic, there is at least comfort to be had from knowing you can now dump them and get on with your life, (leaving your ex to probably do the same to their new partner at some point in the future).

To make this easier to follow I have firstly listed danger signs to look out for, then followed it with ways to prove your partner is being unfaithful, (or not, as the case may be).

1) When your partner suddenly loses all interest in kissing you. Strangely enough most unfaithful or bored partners will continue having sex far longer than they will kissing, so this is one of the first signs they are going off you.

2) When they stop wanting to make love/have sex with you, (a more advanced stage than above).

3) When they start saying they are working late every night, or on specific nights of the week, especially if there is no significant change in their wages to indicate they are being paid for doing overtime.

4) When they spend all their free time claiming they are "out with their mates", yet you are never invited.

5) When they don't seem to want to take you to "Work Functions", as you have to ask yourself, are they taking someone else instead?

6) When you start receiving phonecalls at home where the person hangs up as soon as they hear your voice, and the number is withheld.

7) When your partner leaves the room every time their mobile phone rings and takes the call elsewhere.

8) When your partner seems to be getting text messages on their mobile phone at incredibly late times of night, and always quickly deletes them after reading them and often claims they are only a mate.

9) When they start leaving for work at least an hour earlier than they used to in the mornings.

10) When they seem to suddenly have to go away on business alot, often at short notice, but you are not allowed to accompany them.

11) When they suddenly start taking a great deal more care with their appearance out of the blue.

12) When they begin to wear perfume or aftershave daily when they rarely bothered before.

13) When they regularly come home after work not hungry like they used to be, as it may well be their lover has already fed them that day.

14) When they suddenly seem to be sending a lot of text messages, and/or their mobile phone bill has risen dramatically.

15) When the mileage on the car or the petrol consumption has risen significantly for no explicable reason.

1) Whenever the opportunity arises and your partner is in the toilet or having shower, check the contents of their pockets, wallets etc. Look for receipts, for anything, be it meals, jewellery or generally things you would not expect them to be buying normally.

2) In the same circumstances as above go through their mobile phone and check for "dialled calls" and "received calls". Make a note of the most frequently recurring numbers so that you can check them out later.

3) Check their mobile phone for text messages that have not been deleted yet.

4) If they say they are working late, make a point of going to their work and hiding up somewhere that you can watch the building to see if they leave work at the normal time (in which case you know you are probably on to something, in which case plan to borrow a friends vehicle on a later date so that you can follow them the next time this happens).

5) If they say they are going out with mates, ask where they are going. Claim to be happy to stay home, but instead drive to the venue, or get a friend to, so you can see if they really are where they say they are.

6) If they claim to be going on a business trip out of state or town, do your best to find out when they are due to be returning home, and if you are able to, which flight they are on. Then watch the appropriate arrivals hall to see if they come through alone or with someone else.

7) Make a note of the mileage on their vehicle on a day you know they are claiming to be going to work. When they come home make a note of the new mileage, and later drive the trip yourself and compare the miles it actually is. If their mileage is different, or higher, they have no doubt been somewhere else too.

8) If they start to leave for work an hour earlier than usual on a regular basis, then consider phoning their work around the time they should have arrived, to say you need to speak to them. If the colleague says they are not in yet, innocently ask what time they expect them to arrive. You can always claim later that you forgot to ask them something before they left home.

9) If they have claimed to be spending a lot of time with mates it is often very easy to trick their mates into landing your partner in it. Try asking trick questions, such as, "Mike said you had a great laugh over the beer getting spilled on him last night", (even though 'Mike' never said anything about any beer getting spilled). A mate trying to cover for their friend will probably pause slightly, before saying something like "Oh yes, it was hilarious".

10) If you can access their emails or guess their password, this is a great way of catching them out. Quite often they may well forget to delete certain emails, or even if they have deleted them, they may not have emptied their "Deleted Items Folder" yet.

11) If you have a suspicion as to who your partner is committing infidelity with, try to find out their address. Once your partner goes out, head for this address yourself, and look to see if your partners vehicle is either in the driveway of this suspect, or parked in a nearby street.

12) Invest in a basic phone-bug. I borrowed one of these once and it was very easy to wire into the telephone socket. The way it worked was that whenever the handset was picked up, a hidden tape recorder would be activated. This meant that once I returned home I could check out what phonecalls and conversations had taken place on my phone whilst I was out.

13) It is fairly easy to buy very small cameras that can be secreted around your home. Spy Shops do these, as do various online stores. Strategically place the camera in a room where your partner is most likely to commit any act of infidelity whilst you are out, e.g., the bedroom or the lounge/living room. Most of these cameras are now small enough to be hidden in a clock or a toy, and would never be spotted unless you were actively searching for them.

14) Jam a tiny piece of cardboard between the passenger door to their vehicle and the frame. If when they come home the cardboard is gone, it proves they have had someone else in the vehicle. You will need to try to establish if they had anyone in the car legitimately before you give away the fact you have been checking up on them.

15) Don't be afraid to hide in hedges, put on disguises or borrow friend's vehicles in your quest, as if for one moment your partner thinks you suspect they have another lover they will be doubly on guard.

16) Check through your phonebills and call up any frequently repeated numbers pretending to be someone else and attempt to establish who it is you have phoned. If your voice may be known to the mistress or lover, get a friend to phone the number for you.

17) Get hold of your partner's mobile phone and send a text message to your suspect as if it came from them asking to meet up now. Stake out the meeting place and see who turns up, either that or wait to read the reply that comes back via text.

18) Consider hiring a Private Detective agency to follow your partner for a day or two and see if they are where they say they and with who they say they are with. If you can't afford one, there is the always the option of calling "Cheaters" the TV programme and seeing if they can help.

19) Wait outside the work function you have not been invited to, but make sure you are out of sight. See who your partner is with when they leave and what kind of body language they are displaying. If you don't want to confront them then, wait until your partner gets home and ask specific questions about who was at the function, what it was like, who they spent time with etc., be casual, as if you are simply interested, but see if they admit to being with the person you saw them with, (assuming you saw them with anyone that is).

20) Check out their car really thoroughly, and look for unfamiliar hairs, e.g. If your hair is short and dark and so is his, then you might find it rather strange to find long blonde hairs dotted around the car.