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How to Catch a Cheating Spouse or Partner

Updated on February 17, 2015

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Reasons to be Suspicious of a Cheating Partner

Most of us have either been through or watched someone we know have to deal with a cheating partner/spouse. This is a very heartbreaking and detrimental occurrence that we are scared to go through once or multiple times. Sometimes we overreact to these suspicions but sometimes they are real facts that need to be faced. Sometimes the causes of suspicion are effects of other things besides cheating. Either way, if something/things that your partner is doing or not doing gets to the point of making you feel insecure, you need to look into what is going on.

Here are some of those legitimate reasons to wonder what is going on with your partner and may mean that they are cheating:

  • Suddenly your partner is being secretive. This is a huge clue that something is going on. Your partner is now locking everything with passwords, not sharing information with you, carrying their phone/computer closely and not leaving things alone with you. Although some people like their privacy more than others, if your partner has always done these things or has just started to do them it may mean they are hiding something. With social media and technology being so popular it is getting easier and easier for people to hide things. There are even apps and websites that may be aiding your partner's cheating.
  • They are spending more time away from you. It is healthy to have other activities and interests outside of what you do in your relationship. However, if you feel that your partner is avoiding you or making excuses to be away from you more than usual they could be up to something.
  • There is a decline in your sex life. If you feel your partner is suddenly losing interest in physical activities with you they may be getting it elsewhere. Their sex drive could be slowing down due to other factors but, if they haven't talked to you about this issue you may want to bring this topic up for discussion and find out what's going on.
  • There are changes in their behavior or feelings toward you. Does it seem like your partner is pulling away from you? Are they picking fights or finding things to be mad at you for? Sometimes when we no longer want to be in a relationship or are preoccupied we find a way out. If your partner is seeing someone else they may not be as affectionate toward you or even become irritated that you are preventing them from being with someone else. This can cause them to have mood swings that start arguments with you so that they have a reason to push away.
  • Your partner is defensive when you ask them questions. These can be questions about where they've been, who they are around, what they are doing, or even if you flat out ask them if they are cheating. Many people try to place the blame on their partner if they are questioned. They will make you feel like you're being crazy or that you simply do not trust them for no reason. If your partner will not discuss your feelings and be reassuring about what they are doing, who they are around, and are defensive in the way they answer you they might be hiding something.
  • Is your partner suddenly buying you gifts or overcompensating? If they are, this may mean that they are trying to make up for something they did. Even if your partner is continuously, consciously cheating on you it doesn't mean that they won't feel guilty at times. In these moments that the guilt is really eating at them they might go out and buy you something nice, take you on a trip, or pay a lot of extra attention to you to try to make up for what they have done to make themselves feel better about it.
  • Your partner is suddenly spending more time and money on their appearance. In the beginning of a relationship we usually try to dress nice and spend a lot of time on our hair or makeup in an attempt to impress our partner. Usually this fades in time as we become more comfortable with who we are with. If your partner/spouse is suddenly going out to get their hair done more than usual, spending more money on new outfits, or spending more time at the gym trying to look good they may be impressing someone else. This isn't to say that they aren't doing this for you but, when they are taking these new looks out without you it may be a sign of infidelity.

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Catching Your Cheater

There are a few ways you can catch your cheating partner.

The easiest way, though not the most effective, is to ask them. Sit them down and explain to them why you are suspicious and ask them if they have been unfaithful. They may be upset, say no they haven't been cheating and offer explanations to your doubts, or, they might tell you that you are right and they have been cheating. If they do confirm that they have been cheating you have gotten an easy answer. Not easy to digest, but the surest way to know the truth. On the other hand, if your partner offers excuses and tells you that they have not been unfaithful, this doesn't mean that they aren't. After all, cheating is lying and they may just be getting good at it. Which brings us to the second way of catching your cheater.

Catch your partner in the act. There are a lot of ways you can catch your partner cheating depending on where they are hiding the evidence.

  • Look on their social media accounts. If you don't know their password you may have to wait until they step away, ask them for the password, or wait until they accidentally leave something open and look. Look at their messages. This is a sure way of knowing who they are talking to and how they are talking to them. If they have gotten good at this cheating thing they may be good at deleting things and covering up what they have been doing. So check their deleted or archived messages and any history you can dig up. If you do find something take a picture, send it to yourself, screenshot it, do anything you can so that you have the evidence at your disposal.
  • Look at their phones. Look at their messages, calls, emails, etc. If they have deleted messages it may still be under their call/text logs and at least from there you can see who they have contacted. If you are really brave, save the numbers of who they have been talking to and contact them yourself. A lot of times the other person does not know that you are in the picture at all and will offer up honest answers.
  • Look at their bank accounts. If there is a lot of money going out to restaurants, movie theaters, malls, etc. look into them. Are they spending enough to cover two people when they are out? Or are they not paying for things they said they did at all? If they went to dinner and a movie with a friend you should expect to see at least their part of the bill coming out of their account.

There are many other ways you can catch your partner cheating. Some people catch their spouses or boyfriends/girlfriends cheating completely by accident. If you have any doubts about what is going on in your relationship you will have to play detective to find out for sure. Just make sure that you look into these things in a way that won't ruin your relationship if your partner is not doing anything wrong in the end.


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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      Know yourself, Love Yourself, Trust yourself.

      If something doesn't feel right to you then it's probably not right for you!

      When it's all said and done it comes down to changes in a mate's behavior which we (dislike). If we were to find out they weren't cheating but the behavior remained it's doubtful we'd jump for joy!

      Instead of investing time playing "detective" just dump them!

      When you've reached a point where you don't trust your mate the relationship is pretty much over. Instead of thinking in terms of "Us & We" you begin to think in terms of "You & Me" with each person looking out for him/herself.

      Unless you have a history of being paranoid and insecure then just assume you're right about your partner cheating. Even if you are wrong clearly you are "unhappy" with their behavior.

      People don't "change" unless (they) are unhappy.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as (is) or move on. The choice is up to us!

      Thankfully there are more than 7 Billion people on the planet!:)