How to Compete Fairly for The Girl That You Love
Can two guys really be happy when both are dating one girl?
One of these guys will be sad all of the time
All was well with you until
For you, a male with not too many refined social skills, it’s not a matter of wondering “if” your girlfriend is being sought by another male, it’s a fact that you know well.
One day this slick-talking, good-looking, smooth dude so sharp you could get a close shave off of his face, boldly walks up to the table where you and your girl are enjoying a romantic dinner and is so suave as he says, “Hey, pretty thing. You are missing one thing in your life. Me.” Winks and sways to his table with so much swagger that you feel as tall as an earthworm.
Hey, inferior guy, this is how she looks at your competition
A girl can love two guys
For you, it's on
After a struggle to compose what is left of yourself, you say, “That guy, huh? Some nerve.”
When your sweet girlfriend finally takes her eyes off of his athletic butt, she gushes, “Yeeahhhh. Some nerve.”
This angers you. Not what she said, but how she said it in such a smooth, sexy voice.
You look at her with a lofty look of surprise. “You know him?” you snap with insecurity.
“Ohh, no. Silly. I can’t help what other guys do,” your girlfriend says in her defense.
You finish your evening with a good meal, a quiet drive back to her place, a short kiss, and drive home with a burden of worry on your shoulders about losing your girlfriend that if weighed, would surpass one and a half tons.
The other guy showers her with romance
This is not Three's Company
You start suffering for her love
Sleep evades you. Your bed acts like a punching bag at “Louie’s Gym,” and the next morning your eyes look like bags of plasma in the blood bank. You are in trouble and have no way to defend yourself.
This stranger who stepped out of the blue last night and complimented your girlfriend was not a coincidence. This suave GQ model-type is out to steal your girl and is not pretending that she is just his friend. What are you going to do?
Before we design your battle plan, let’s take a look at your plusses and minuses.
- Well, honestly, the only two plusses going for you is your sanity and conservative beliefs.
- You are not cool, debonair, or a “man about town.” You had to beg “Becky Willoby,” to dance with you in the fifth-grade in a dancing activity that your teacher forced your class to do.
- You own the Guinness World’s Record for Most Turn-Down’s for Dating Girls in the Western Hemisphere.
- You are a charter member of Chronic Lonely Men Anonymous and Obscure Bachelors of America.
So how in God’s world are you going to wage war against a man who just walks out his front door on any given day and at least six hot girls are waiting to pounce on him?
There will always be a fight for her attention
Sometimes men like you have to do what they need to do
Easy answer: You are going to wage a clean campaign and exercise good sportsmanship because no good ever comes from playing unfair and underhanded. You are not made from illegal and dirty material. Nobility and humbleness are your best friends.
But there does come a time when you know that the girl you are sharing with a near-perfect male specimen, is the one for you, so you stray a little from the Golden Rule to satisfy your male ego, and win the girl’s heart in the end.
So sit back and enjoy
“How to Compete Fairly for The Girl You Love”
Making plans for the weekend
But talking seriously
I tried very hard to mix humor and the seriousness of two guys trying to win the love of one girl. Let me tell you. It is not easy.
Unless you are the "Mr. Perfect," type mentioned in this story, you are, as Jesse "The Body" Ventura, ex-then WWF wrestler was known to say, "You are in world of pain."
- You dread calling her up afraid that "he" is there with her
- You know each time you and her kiss she is thinking of "Mr. Perfect"
- Since you are a realist, you find it tough to accept your non-athletic body and lack of looks and spiral into deep depression
- You do not trust your girlfriend anymore
- You find it tough to believe it when she says, "Stan, you are the one I love," but she looks off when she says love
I have been in the position of the guy in this piece who has been plagued with low self-esteem and little self-confidence.
There are no easy answers to this problem of two guys fighting for the same girl. The only adult thing for the guys to do is for one to bow-out letting the other guy win the girl.
But you know and I know there is not a chance of this happening.
- When you show up for your standing Wednesday-night date, and “Mr. Perfect,” is sitting on the couch with your girlfriend laughing and chatting up a storm, you walk in with confidence and simply charge into battle by stating, “You ready?” Your girlfriend (for now) will reply one of two things: One, “We cannot be rude and leave “Clay,” or two, “Sit for awhile and we will go later.” You do not show weakness. You reach and get her by the hand and say, “Nice seeing you, ‘Clay,’ have a nice evening.” Girls for the most part, I have been told, love a man who takes charge. So really, what have you got to lose?
- If you drive up to your girlfriends house and she is walking out with “Clay,” do not panic. Smile, greet them, and (this will take practice), without ‘Clay’ detecting anything, drop a vial of fire ants into his suit pocket. Stand back and let nature take its course.
- If you know that ‘Clay,’ is going to be with your girlfriend to just talk, as your girlfriend tells you ahead of time before you go to her house, take them both a steak burger with all of the trimmings. “Well, hey, ‘Larry,’ this was some gesture. Thank you,” ‘Clay’ remarks as his signature jaws open and close on the delicious burger. Your girlfriend eats hers dainty like a bird. Just wait about fifteen minutes and the Ex-Lax laxative you put in ‘Clay’s’ burger will kick-in and he will suddenly have to ‘answer nature’s call’ for a long period of time.
- Note: you are already asking what is clean and fair about the fire ants and Ex-Lax attacks? These are not life-threatening.
- Pay a buddy who is down on his luck a hundred dollars to sneak up to your girlfriend’s house when ‘Clay’ is there before you arrive and let the air out of two of his tires and “accidentally” spill a cup of sugar into the gas tank of his Bentley. And tell this man if he is caught, he doesn’t know you.
- Another note: These first attacks are when ‘Clay,’ your competition is at your girlfriend’s house. The next offensive weapons are when you and your girlfriend are out in public.
- You and your girlfriend are having one great time at a football game and up walks ‘Clay,’ who invites himself to sit down. Then after a few minutes, you excuse yourself. Walk directly to the security guards and let them know that a known gang member is sitting with your girlfriend trying to extort money from her. Soon ‘Clay’ will be accosted and be made an example of in front of all the football fans as he is handcuffed and carried downtown for more questions.
- Your girlfriend wants you to attend a romantic movie with her, and you do so gladly. But before you can relax, ‘Clay,’ finds his way to where you are sitting. Be nice and let him sit on the other side of your girlfriend not in the middle seat. Again, excuse yourself and tell your girlfriend, “Stomach trouble. Sorry.” And head to the men’s room. Then speak to the theater manager about this strange man talking vulgar and making sexually-suggestive remarks to “a” young woman who is sitting beside you. Again, ‘Clay’ is asked to leave and your girlfriend cannot figure out why he is taken into custody every time you are out with her.
- You take your girlfriend to an expensive restaurant, not the one where ‘Clay,’ entered her life, and as soon as ‘Clay,’ walks to your table, invite him to sit down. Then ask him to tell every story about his life—one story after the other. You do not even order a meal. You literally let ‘Clay” talk himself into exhaustion and then he has to leave to rest. And to keep your girlfriend from becoming suspicious, you state, “That is the most interesting man I have ever met.” She is happy. ‘Clay’ is gone and you are looking good.
- If you know a Martial Arts expert, pay him two-hundred dollars to dress like a thug and talk vulgar to your girlfriend the next time you, your girlfriend and of course, ‘Clay,’ are in public. You of course, have rehearsed the counter-attack and you kick this man’s butt from Maine to Texas. ‘Clay’ tries first to defend your girlfriend, but Martial Arts, you found out, is the one thing he cannot do, and gets the ‘fire beaten out of him.’ Your girlfriend is grateful for you being such a “he-man,” and how she wishes that ‘Clay,’ were more like you.
But then as you are driving her home and you and your girlfriend are snuggling close together, she unloads a “bomb,” of a statement on you . . .
“Yes, I do wish ‘Clay,’ were more like you, ‘Larry.’ Maybe you can give him some “Manly Lessons,” when he gets out of the seminary.”