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Coping When a Partner is Unfaithful
When a Partner is Unfaithful
Learning that a spouse or partner has been unfaithful can be one of the most emotionally challenging situations faced in life. It leaves a person feeling hurt, angry and betrayed all at the same time. Add to this the fact that they have lost the one person they always thought they could count on in difficult times and the result is often a person feeling lost, confused and alone. They often wonder what to do and who to turn to for support.
A relationship is a partnership and our partner is ideally our best friend. They are often the first person we turn to when we are in need of emotional support and understanding. Needless to say, when the other partner is the source of the problem, it can leave a person hurt and alone, with no place to turn.
Each person is different, as is each relationship. What works in one situation may not work in another. Dealing with an unfaithful partner is a very sensitive and difficult situation to face and I do not pretend to have all the answers. There are no shortcuts and no cure-all solutions. What I intend to do is to walk you through some of the basic steps in order to help you handle this situation in the best way possible.
Dealing With A Cheating Partner
Would you stay with your current partner if they were unfaithful?
Anger Does Not Help the Situation
Finding out that a partner has cheated is a major betrayal and feeling angry is a natural reaction. It is important to be strong and not let anger take control, you do not want to do anything that you will regret. Letting anger take control and acting out in revenge will not make you feel better and will only make a bad situation worse.
You will be better served to take a step back from the situation and gather control over your emotions. Avoid the temptation to immediately confront your partner, as this will likely lead to an arguement and do little to ease your hurt and anger. A clear head will allow you and your partner to communicate and decide what course of action to take next.
Avoid Thoughts of Revenge
This one goes right along with keeping your anger under control. You are angry and hurt, but entertaining thoughts of revenge of any sort is a bad idea. You are a better person than that and you do not want to inflict emotional or physical pain on your partner. Remember, this is the person you love and you already know how it feels when the one you love causes you pain. It is an old, yet wise saying, two wrongs never make a right.
If you feel that you are unable to control yourself, it is best that you stay away until you are under complete control of your emotions. Under no circumstances should you allow yourself to enter a situation that leads to emotional, verbal or physical altercations. As wrong as infidelity is, it does not justify violence or abuse.
Do Not Blame Yourself
"Do not blame yourself", that might sound like a crazy thing to say, but many people tend to blame themselves when a partner is unfaithful. It is a normal reaction to wonder what you did wrong, "what made my partner desire someone else?". The truth is, in many cases, it was not any fault with you that lead your partner astray.
You can drive yourself crazy trying to understand what it is that you did so wrong. You might find yourself reliving your entire relationship in your mind, looking for that one thing that drove them away. You are unlikely to find it. Your partner was not unfaithful as a result of one thing that you forgot to say, it was not because they suddenly found you unattractive.
Do Not Allow Yourself To Dwell On The Act Itself
It might seem an easy thing to say, but it is important that you do not let yourself fall into the trap of thinking about the act of infidelity. It will not serve any positive purpose to know the details. Trying to imagine the details of what happened will only increase your feelings of hurt and anger.
It is normal to feel that knowing the whole story will somehow make it easier to cope, but in reality, what happened has already happened and knowing the details will only make you feel worse. You can not change what has happened, but you can control your reaction to it. Concentrate on things you can control and keep your mind clear. You will be better prepared to make good decisions going forward.
Keeping Your Head Held High
It is never easy dealing with an unfaithful partner. When that trust is broken it is all to easy to fall into a trap of blaming yourself and feeling a sense of failure and even shame. Emotions tend to rule our actions, but it does not need to be that way. By keeping your emotions under control and believing in yourself, it is possible to overcome the situation and make the decisions that are right for you.
When a partner is unfaithful it is always an emotionally painful experience, but by holding your head high and believing in yourself, you can manage your way to healing. Infidelity can destroy a relationship, do not let it destroy you.
© 2012 Christopher J Wood