How to Deal with "Ghosting" in the Dating World
Don't you just love living and dating in the modern age? What a time to be alive! We have all these cute names for when guys or girls behave in a less than lovable way. One of these cute names is known as "ghosting." In the past, if you dated someone, and then they just fell off the face of the earth, never to be seen or heard from again, you would just say he was a jerk and move on. Now we call this behavior ghosting; he was in your life one day and the next day poof, he's gone just like a ghost. That's your typical ghosting behavior. Then we have the more determined ghoster who makes more than one appearance, and then disappearance. He might date you for a few weeks, and then poof he's gone. But then he'll reappear after a month or two like nothing happened, and say he was just so busy he couldn't manage a call or text. Ah yes, let's examine this ghosting routine so much of society has started to see as the norm these days.
I think it's safe to say that guys are the ones who do most of the ghosting. They fit that stereotype well. They get what they want and then they just leave with no regards for anyone else's feelings. Women are typically used to this behavior and most don't really expect more from guys anyways. Girls can ghost too, don't get me wrong. But we just do it in a nice way. The main difference between girls and guys who ghost is the timeline. Women won't typically go on more than two dates before calling it quits or ghosting the guy. Girls don't really want to waste their time when they don't see anything more developing.
Guys, on the other hand, can date a girl for months and then suddenly ghost her. She won't see it coming, so she'll be shocked and probably heartbroken because she's already invested in the relationship in a significant way. To open your heart to someone for more than a month and then have them disappear is pretty devastating. Men will continue dating a woman for months even if they don't see a future just because the sex is good. And when they ghost her, it'll be because they meet someone else that they do see a future with and leave the first woman behind with not even a goodbye. Gender roles huh? It's pretty harsh.
Ghosting in its essence is really just a lack of manners mixed in with a strong sense of narcissism. It's basically saying that I don't care about you and what you think, I only care about me and my needs because I'm so important. It's really not hard to tell someone right after the first date whether you're interested in pursuing a second or not. You can probably tell even before the first date is over whether you're interested in seeing someone again or not. Men know this right away. There's a certain spark and connection. They know the difference between this and just plain attraction. They know exactly when they meet a woman whether she's wife material or a one-night stand. There's no faking it. That's why cutting ties after a date or two should be no big deal. Just being honest about it is something a woman will appreciate. It's better to be let down easy then led on and ghosted in the end.
There's really only one excuse you can have for ghosting someone, you died and you're a ghost and that is your reason for avoiding them. Seriously. I understand there's circumstances that can happen like an accident, family emergency, or some natural disaster, but really if you respect someone you can find the ten seconds it takes to text and say your house just blew away in the tornado and you're going to need a few weeks until another date. Most people are reasonable enough to understand that this is life and things can happen without notice. It's not a big deal to just be honest and tell the truth. I think that's the big problem with this generation, everyone's so afraid of saying the wrong thing and not being PC about everything. It's okay to tell someone that you're just not that into them as soon as you realize it yourself. Why waste each other's time?
So what do you do after you've been ghosted? Nothing at all. Let them disappear like the ghost that they are. Many girls will have the opposite reaction. They'll try to "get to the bottom of it" and text the guy incessantly to find out the reason why he just disappeared. The reason is obvious though. He's not into you. It's harsh but it's true. A guy who is into will never ghost you. He'll be too afraid to lose you to waste time playing games.
You might not be too disappointed if a guy ghosts you after one or two dates, but what if it's a few months or even a year of non-stop dating? That's tough to swallow, but the answer is the same. Do nothing. You want a reason why he did this? He doesn't respect you and he doesn't care about you. You had to have seen it coming though. The signs were all there. Everything was always on his terms. He only wanted to do things he wanted without regard for your feelings. He only wanted to hangout when he was free, even if you were busy, so you dropped everything and ran whenever he called. Those are exactly the things a guy will do before he ghosts you. That's his MO. If you want to know right now if a guy will ghost you, ask yourself if he's doing any of above things listed. If he is, run. He'll only hurt you later. The guy who you're meant to be with, will never be the one who ghosts. Know that if he ghosts you, he just did you a favor and be happy he is out of your life. He just made room for someone better to arrive.
It's kind of ironic that this is the generation that came up with the term ghosting. This generation in which it is literally impossible not to stay in touch with so many channels of communication. You can Facebook, tweet, slide into someone's direct messages on Instagram, email, text, or just call them the old fashioned way. And I guess you can just show up at their home or work, but that's kind of creepy if you just met the person. There's really no excuse for ghosting unless you're just a jerk or have really bad manners. Like your teachers taught you, you have to "use your words." When it comes down to it, be careful who you let into your life. If he even displays one characteristic of a ghoster, run. It's better to let the ghoster become the ghosted.
Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye
Have you ever been ghosted?
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