How to End a Blind Date Before it Starts

guys love girls. Girls love guys. They love to date each other. Some resort to what is called a "blind date."

Frankly, some "blind dates" work. Some do not.

But (for guys and girls) if you do not want to spend an evening in misery with a guy or girl you cannot stand, here are easy ways to . . .shoot! Just read my headline below.

SPECIAL NOTE: these easy-to-do tips are deigned for both men and women. I sure didn't want to shun either gender. (Kenneth).

A Few Reasons Why Some "Blind Dates" Should Be Broken

• Personalities clash suddenly (He is a Democrat. She is a Republican)
• She doesn't know what "hygiene" means.
• He wears too much Dollar Store shave lotion.
• Weight problem--when he gets into the car, it scrapes the ground.
• Her best friend liked about him looking like Dick Van Dyke.

on how to break a blind date before it starts, at this point I need to give you a typical example of "how" a guy breaks a blind date with the aid of my tips.

"Cal" is walking out of the office on a Thursday evening. Suddenly his best pal, "Chad," runs up to him out of breath.

CAL: Hey, sport! What's up?

CHAD: Oh, man. (gasp) Cal, I have the most-amazing news.

CHAD: You know that girl (gasp, cough) who works in Accounting, uhhh, Millie?

CAL: Chad. I work in my cubicle all day.

CHAD: My sources tell me that she's "available," and you have a date with her tomorrow.

CAL: A "blind date,"? I don't know . . .

CHAD: Awww, Cal. She is so hot, you have to wear an asbestos suit to dance with her. And my sources say that she is the best-looking babe in the Accounting Department.

CAL: Oh, well . . .okay. You and Jessi, and this Millie girl can pick me up at 8 at my place.

Moving time forward to Friday night

Cal is not that anxious about this "blind date." He has went on "blind dates" before, but he is somewhat excited to see what Millie looks like. He recalls how pretty his ex-girlfriend, Sammi, looked, but she wanted her freedom. It is time for Cal to start dating again.

Suddenly, Cal hears a car drive-up outside his apartment . . . .

Show-time, Cal says to himself checking is appearance and breath one more time.

As he walks up to the car, Chad opens the door for him to see Millie, his date.

Time stand still like you see in those futuristic sci-fi films . . . .

"Hold it a minute," Cal says to Chad as he runs to his vintage Chevy van parked beside is apartment. Chad, his girlfriend, and Millie all look surprised--and look at each other.

"Heyyyy, cool cats," Cal says as he reappears dressed in a greasy-shirt, dirty slacks, torn sneakers and a dirty face.

"Get me outta here! I am not being seen with this pig," Millie screams.

Chad, Jessi, and the upset Millie roar off into the night.

Cal, the sharp-thinker, knew from his experience with "blind dates," that the law of averages says that a girl who looks like his granny would show-up one night. And tonight was the night.

So as Cal explained what happened to Chad the next day at work, "I had that disguise and a whole lot more disguises in my van that I knew would come in handy." "And you, ol' buddy, said your sources said Millie was hot and great-looking."

But being that Cal and Chad are best buddies, they laugh and walk away to their offices.

• Frequent-cursing if you cannot afford tacky disguises
• Biting your fingernails
• Scratching your butt in-front of the bind date (for guys and girls)
• Scratching your privates in-front of the blind date (for guys and girls)
• Smoking cigarettes, dipping smokeless tobacco, chewing tobacco

Now it's time to give the girls some useful tips:

• When the introductions are made, "you" start talking marriage
• Pass gas in front of him (and others) at the table in the restaurant
• Wear too much make-up fooling him into thinking you are a hooker
• Yell at him every chance you get and explain why you yell is that you are a physical ed coach
• Instead of "playing footsie" with him, kick his shins then say it was a nervous reaction
• Interrupt him when he is talking
• Ask him if he will go with you to the ladies room
• Do not wear any deodorant or perfume
• Pull a tampon out of your purse and announce that you have to go change "the cotton pony."
• Give him a lot of bear-hugs each chance you get
• Sit in his lap in the restaurant--when the waiter scolds you, you pout, talk baby talk, and say that "your fiancé," told you to do that
• Growl, bark, and do other animal impressions
• Spill the expensive wine on his pants
• Start licking the expensive wine off of his pants
• Tell the other diners you are his first-cousin, but you two are in-love
• Yell his name out and where he works to the entire restaurant

" . . . . As always, THANK YOU so MUCH for reading my hubs. You will never know just how GRATEFUL I am for YOUR Support . . . . "

Kenneth

• The hot-girl says to her bestie, "I wore my shortest-skirt, and that jerk looked off when I crossed my legs
• The hot-guy says to his best buddy, "She wore flats."
• The hot-girl says to her sister, "No! He never tried to put a move on me when we met."
• The hot-guy confides in his older brother, "I wanted to kiss her, but I think she wears a partial."
• The hot-girl unloads on her mother, "He was so clean-shaven that I thought he was a preacher."
• A hot'-girl talks to her aunt, "I hated his socks."

These things might happen if you break an awful "blind-date":

1. You could get cursed-out, but take-it and wish her a nice day as you hang-up.
2. If an upset girl shows-up at your office wielding a shotgun, duck.
3. You might hear of your "blind-date" having to get professional help--if so, send her an anonymous cash gift to help her with the bill.

Now three tips for the girls:

1. He, your "blind-date," could become a monk, but that is good. Our world needs more Godly-men.
2. Every time he sees you, he might start mumbling to himself.
3. He could decide to move to Spain and start his life over.

" . . . Aren't you glad that you read this hub instead of going to the opera with your wife? . . . "