- Gender and Relationships
How to Feel Better After Being Dumped
The Worst Dumping
So, we have all been here. Either we have been the dumper or been dumped. As with all important life events, what goes around comes around. Many of us who have been the dumper ended up getting dumped at some point down the line. The chances of this happening to you are pretty high as relationships are a part of life and many of them end by a dumping process. The worst kind of dumping is when someone just drops you like a hot potato. She/He stops all contact with you and leaves you with no real reason for ending the relationship - you only know that your partner wants nothing more to do with you or the relationship. These breakups do not involve a big fight or defining moments where both parties agree to end the relationship. You are simply just dumped with no chance to talk it out or work out the problems of the relationship.
Now You Feel Alone in the World
You are left asking the following:
- what is wrong with me
- why didn't she/he love me
- what did I do wrong
- will someone ever love me.
Such thinking sends you on a downward spiral of despair and depression that will leave you feeling like you will never get over being dumped.
There are times in life when you feel all alone in the world, and this post-dump period is one of the worst. The plans you made as a couple, the hopes and dreams you had for the relationship and the constant companion in your life all disappeared overnight. You have been robbed with no police report or justice in sight. The person you want to yell at the most is not even around to feel your wrath. Those close to you sick of you talking about your ex.
Feel Better Now
You are allowed the time necessary to mourn the end of your relationship. You are allowed to feel sad, cry and wallow in your pain. Once you have accepted that the relationship is over and felt your pain, you are also allowed to begin to feel better.
These are things that I did to help me move passed getting dumped. They will help you to feel joy, take care of yourself and eventually help you realize that you will survive getting dumped:
- Make a list of the little and big things in you life that you are thankful for. This list helps to remind you of the good things in your life and sheds some perspective on the end of your relationship.
- Make and keep a list of things you like about yourself - force yourself to make this list. Store your list in an easily accessible place and pull it out every day and read it. You will realize you did not cause the dumping and that you are lovable. If you can't think of anything likable about yourself, please ask others to help you build a list.
- Focus on self-improvement. When you feel down, a good way to boost yourself back up is to build your skills or improve something about yourself. You might start an exercise routine, get a makeover, concentrate on an artistic expression, take a class or develop an interest. This process give you something active to do to take your mind off your pain and rises your energy level.
- Develop your other relationships. Spend time with friends, extended family or even your pets so that you are not always focused on your solitude.
- Establish a goal or project that you can work towards so that you can see a vision of your future self. This process will help you spend less attention on the past.
- Go to counseling if you need to. Talking to an objective party helps you understand your feelings and see things with clarity.
Notice that none of these suggestions involve revenge. Revenge only feels good in the short term. If you have been dumped, you need to focus on healing yourself instead of negative thoughts. It is a painful process. Know that we all have been there and that you will survive.