- Gender and Relationships
Where Are All the Good Men?
Having trouble finding a good man? Looking for Mr. Right? Then who better to consult than a real, red-blooded, American male. Believe it or not, ladies, men are everywhere. We frequent stores, supermarkets, sporting events, bars, and other popular places. I bet that if you go outside right now, wherever you are, you will see a man. Finding men is just not that hard.
I found this guy in the woods
That being said, many women have a hard time finding a man. It's not just any man they want to find. It's a man with character. It's a man who captures their heart. It's a man with honesty. Women of the world (well, American women mostly), this article will show you the way.
So what specific things do you need to do and what specific places do you need to frequent to find a man? Read below, I can guarantee you will find a man easily and quickly.
- Go To The Place Where the Men Are- Ever read that book "Where the Wild Things Are"? Max didn't find the wild things until he went to where they were. It's pretty similar with men. Here are some common places men do not frequent generally: hair salons, the tampon aisle of your local supermarket, your women's reading group, Sandra Bullock retrospectives (except "Speed"), the romance section of your local bookstore. These are just a few suggestions of places not to look for men. What I'm getting at here is that you can't find a man if you're looking in the wrong places and you can't find a man if you're not looking. Thus, if you're complaining about not being able to find a man and the only place you ever go is to your friend Charlene's house, you're going to be in trouble unless she's got a plumbing problem or needs an appliance installed.
- Place Types = Men Types- How many women do you know that meet 90% of their men at bars then complain about how much their men drink and bar hop and flirt with other women? Men who spend most of their time in bars are quite likely alcoholics and/or unstable. When you see a barrel of coal and you stick your hand in expecting to pull out a diamond, it's just not going to happen. While that doesn't mean you can't meet a good man at a bar, it does mean you need to be particularly attentive to what that man says and does - and more importantly, how he acts. It also doesn't necessarily mean you're going to meet the perfect man at church. It's a generalization, but there are always exceptions. Just realize that if you're meeting with a lot of failure, you might want to look for your men in different locations.
- If You See Something You Want. Go For It- What I mean by this statement is that being active is better than being passive. Active people usually make their own reality and passive people get their reality made for them. The sad fact of male/female relationships is that culture emphasizes that men be the aggressors and that women be passive. In simple terms, it means that men do the asking and women wait to be asked. Inevitably, finding a man really means waiting for a man to find you. Women who are looking for a man, really looking, need to make their own reality. In some situations, this may actually mean asking a man out. In others, it may simply mean initiating situations that you would have formerly expected the man to initiate. Start a conversation. Buy a man a drink. Learn how to be active without being overbearing.
- Put Yourself Out There- You are not going to find a man sitting on your toilet, weeping into a piece of tissue. You are not going to find a man by complaining to your girlfriends that you can't find a man. You are not going to find a man by depending on other people to do it for you. There's this little thing called the Internet and while you do hear stories of pathetic women who are having Internet romances with men they've never met, dating sites do actually work. Join one. Learn how to create an attractive interesting profile and post it. You can even be proactive and send messages to men whose profiles you find interesting because you read my previous point and have decided to go for it.
- Decide What You Will Compromise and What You Won't- In dating, relationships, and one-night stands, most people forget this one. Ask yourself what you're looking for. Are you looking for a smart man? Then don't go out with a dumb one. Are you looking for somebody who's physically fit? Then don't go out with somebody who's overweight. Do you want a Christian man? Then don't go out with an Athiest. Hey, when you buy a piece of cheese, you don't let the grocer give you something with mold on it because it's mostly okay, do you? You have values so decide which ones are important to you in your man and when you run into a man who lacks one of them, move on and don't look back. This isn't just important for the future of any relationship, it's important for your self-esteem.Have standards and stick to them. Compromise where it makes sense and don't compromise where it doesn't.
- Always Remember That There are Other Fish in the Sea- Men are like worms. Find the right patch of ground, apply a little water, and men will spring up all over the place. Don't fret your dating failures. Make sure if a man isn't working for you to move on quickly. Don't let the man think you're into him if you're not. And if a man isn't into you and you wish he were, just remember that there's probably another man right around the corner because there is. There always is. Just walk outside. There are men everywhere. If you think you have a 10 and you lose him, there are plenty more 10's and even more 9's. Just don't worry.
- Be Realistic- It is generally true that people of similar physical attractiveness generally end up together. It is generally true that people of similar intelligence generally end up together. So be realistic about finding a man. If you look like Mila Kunis and have a bank account to match, then you probably have nothing to worry about. Trust me though, Mila Kunis will never read this article. We all have inflated opinions of ourselves, but if you're shooting for the moon and find yourself face down in the gutter too often, just try walking slowly on the sidewalk for awhile.
- Don't Be Needy- This applies to men as well as women. Neediness is about the least attractive quality you can have when trying to find a man. Nobody likes it. If you want a man to run from you, just be excessively needy or excessively clingy. Sooner or later, no matter the situation, he will run. You can avoid neediness by being satisfied with who you are without a man. A man should just be a bonus. And if you can't pull this off because you really are desperate and needy, then pretend. Learn how to act.
- Ask Your Friends - Your friends probably love you and all, but if you're having trouble finding a man, sit down with your most trustworthy friends and ask them for some honest feedback. You might have to twist their arm and you might not like what they have to say, but look, you've come to the point where you're scouring the web for sites with advice on how to find a man, so why not consult people who know you? Go through the points I've listed above and just ask them: "Am I too needy?" "Am I being realistic?" "Am I putting myself out there?" It's preferable to ask your friends who have been reasonably successful finding a man. Don't ask your friend Carla who lives with her six cats and hasn't had a date in five years. And if you don't have any friends who've been successful finding a man, find some. You might even go so far as to have one go on a date with you. You know, secretly monitor your date from the next table at a restaurant or something.
I found this guy in the hospital
Know the Basics
You would think that a lot of what's listed below would be obvious, yet apparently not. Too many women create an elaborate "man plan" and then forget the basics. Below are some of the must do's if you're going to find a good man.
- Present Yourself Honestly - Whether it's in person or via an online dating site, make sure the person you present to a man is the person who you are. Of course it should always be the best version of yourself, but don't lie. Don't say you like football if you don't. Don't say you like cats if you like dogs. Don't say you can cook if you can't. It may seem like there's an advantage to lying at the beginning, but I guarantee it'll come back to haunt you in the end.
- Smell - You shouldn't smell like you live in a garbage can but you shouldn't smell like a candle store either. In fact, the latter is often the worst. Way too many women don't know the meaning of "too much perfume". The general rule here is that if a man can smell your perfume from a mile away, he's probably going to stay there. You want to use just enough perfume that a man can barely smell it and it makes him want to get closer to you to identify the scent. Seriously, some perfume can be worse than spraying a guy with a firehose.
- General Cleanliness - You should shower regularly. You should wear clothing that doesn't look like it was picked out of a dumpster. You should try to gargle a little mouthwash after sucking down your favorite onion and garlic pizza. If you've got ants and cockroaches in your house, you might want to clean up. You get the idea, right?
- Cooking - Most men like to eat, so if you learn how to cook and cook reasonably well, you're doing yourself a favor. It's a check mark on the positive side of your pros and cons column that the man will make when he evaluates you. Sure, it's completely sexist to assume that the woman will do all the cooking, but having a couple of "go to" dishes under your belt will at least create the illusion that you might be cooking in the future.
- Driving - This ended a relationship for me. Seriously, I was in a car with a woman and she was such a bad driver, lacking in any kind of confidence, that I thought I was going to die. Wherever we were going, when we got there, I was a stress bucket. The larger point is that you shouldn't show off all the stuff you suck at right off the bat.
- The Bedroom - It's not an absolute necessity to be a sexual dynamo, but it doesn't hurt to know your stuff and be open to a wide-range of experiences. Some men like things predictable and other men like adventure. The best thing you can do is simply ask. When you get to that point in a relationship, ask what your man likes and what he wants. Most men probably won't be that open about it, but you'll figure it out.
Hey, I realize that this might not cover the topic 100%, so if you have any insights, write them in the comment field and I'll use them and give you a little credit. An article like this should always be a work in progress. Good luck finding a man, ladies.
Generally, where do you tend to meet men?
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- photostock's Images - FreeDigitalPhotos.net
photostock - Portfolio at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
- Dynamite Imagery's Images - FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Dynamite Imagery - Portfolio at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.