How to Get Over Someone and Move on
How to Get Over Your Ex
When we split with the person we thought we were going to spend the rest of our days with, it feels like the end of the world. All we can think about are the good times. We forget about all of the other stuff, the reason they are an ex.
When we've been dumped it's even harder to move on because often we don't understand what happened. Where did it all go wrong? What could we have done differently? It's a natural part of the break-up process for most of us. The problem for us in doing this is that we make it all our issue. We start to think it's our fault, we did something wrong.
When we start looking for ways we could have done things differently, we start to think we can get them back by being the person they really wanted us to be. That's the first issue with wanting to get an ex back. We'll be coming from a point of inferiority. We're sorry, we'll be better next time, we'll hold back, we won't speak our minds next time...
If you've been left feeling devastated by the end of a relationship you didn't see coming, then the first bit of advice is stop for a while. Take some time out for yourself. You are important, you are special. Don't start looking for ways to get back with your ex. As soon as we work hard to get them back, we are done.
Consider this: How many times have you felt unhappy in the past few months in your relationship? Relationships don't end for no reason. Even if we think they do, they don't.
Stop Obsessing
Our minds just won't let go of the things we really want, or think we want. That's the thing here, often we don't give ourselves time to let what's happened sink in. We move right on to the 'how can I get him back' phase or 'I can't be without her'
What we need now is some time. Time to consider all of the reasons this relationship has ended. It' okay to consider what you did that helped end it. It's actually productive as it will make you think twice when you start another relationship. Don't beat yourself up either if you are thinking about your ex a lot of the time. Telling ourselves off, doesn't ever help. We can give ourselves a talking to for sure, but berating ourselves is not useful. Accept that you are hurt.
If you find yourself constantly thinking about them and other things are going out of the window, such as work, friendships, interests and family, you need to release a little bit. Allow yourself to think about them because forcing things out of our mind never works in the long-term. That goes for anything in life.
Be Grateful For The Good Times
It sounds un-productive, but being thankful for the good times you shared with your ex can make letting go easier.
You have probably spent lots of fun hours, days and weeks together. Those times were good and they shouldn't be forgotten in favour of drowning in sorrow and only thinking of those times longingly rather than thankfully.
Don't Rush Into A New Relationship
It's tempting to start seeing someone else as soon as possible. We are looking to fill the void and anything will do. They are attractive, quite funny, they'll do.
Either you'll end up doing to them what's been done to you, or you will get caught up in an unsuitable relationship. It might be okay, they might be nice, but you didn't give yourself the time you needed to heal from your past relationship.
Rebound relationships do occasionally work out, but not often. Don't be afraid to spend time in your own company. Work out what you really, really want from a relationship and don't compromise just because you feel lonely.
Time Heals
It really does. I used to hate that expression, because people only say it to you when you are miserable and can't see past the way you are feeling in this moment.
The best thing you can do for yourself when your relationship ends is to spend time with YOU. Do all of the things you didn't get around to doing when you were with your ex. Read, catch up on TV shows you love, go shopping...whatever you love to do, then do that.
Be open to new relationships of course, but don't force anything. See people for fun not with the end game in mind.
Getting Over Friendships
The same applies if you have lost a close friendship. If there really is no way back then all of the same advice applies.
I advocate an olive branch where friendship is concerned. If you feel that talking might help and you really want your friend in your life then do what you can to work things out.
