ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How to Get Over Someone and Move on

Updated on May 12, 2019
EvieSparkes profile image

Evie Sparkes is a published novelist, content writer and company director from the UK.

How to Get Over Your Ex

When we split with the person we thought we were going to spend the rest of our days with, it feels like the end of the world. All we can think about are the good times. We forget about all of the other stuff, the reason they are an ex.

When we've been dumped it's even harder to move on because often we don't understand what happened. Where did it all go wrong? What could we have done differently? It's a natural part of the break-up process for most of us. The problem for us in doing this is that we make it all our issue. We start to think it's our fault, we did something wrong.

When we start looking for ways we could have done things differently, we start to think we can get them back by being the person they really wanted us to be. That's the first issue with wanting to get an ex back. We'll be coming from a point of inferiority. We're sorry, we'll be better next time, we'll hold back, we won't speak our minds next time...

If you've been left feeling devastated by the end of a relationship you didn't see coming, then the first bit of advice is stop for a while. Take some time out for yourself. You are important, you are special. Don't start looking for ways to get back with your ex. As soon as we work hard to get them back, we are done.

Consider this: How many times have you felt unhappy in the past few months in your relationship? Relationships don't end for no reason. Even if we think they do, they don't.

Stop Obsessing

Our minds just won't let go of the things we really want, or think we want. That's the thing here, often we don't give ourselves time to let what's happened sink in. We move right on to the 'how can I get him back' phase or 'I can't be without her'

What we need now is some time. Time to consider all of the reasons this relationship has ended. It' okay to consider what you did that helped end it. It's actually productive as it will make you think twice when you start another relationship. Don't beat yourself up either if you are thinking about your ex a lot of the time. Telling ourselves off, doesn't ever help. We can give ourselves a talking to for sure, but berating ourselves is not useful. Accept that you are hurt.

If you find yourself constantly thinking about them and other things are going out of the window, such as work, friendships, interests and family, you need to release a little bit. Allow yourself to think about them because forcing things out of our mind never works in the long-term. That goes for anything in life.



Be Grateful For The Good Times

It sounds un-productive, but being thankful for the good times you shared with your ex can make letting go easier.

You have probably spent lots of fun hours, days and weeks together. Those times were good and they shouldn't be forgotten in favour of drowning in sorrow and only thinking of those times longingly rather than thankfully.

Don't Rush Into A New Relationship

It's tempting to start seeing someone else as soon as possible. We are looking to fill the void and anything will do. They are attractive, quite funny, they'll do.

Either you'll end up doing to them what's been done to you, or you will get caught up in an unsuitable relationship. It might be okay, they might be nice, but you didn't give yourself the time you needed to heal from your past relationship.

Rebound relationships do occasionally work out, but not often. Don't be afraid to spend time in your own company. Work out what you really, really want from a relationship and don't compromise just because you feel lonely.

Time Heals

It really does. I used to hate that expression, because people only say it to you when you are miserable and can't see past the way you are feeling in this moment.

The best thing you can do for yourself when your relationship ends is to spend time with YOU. Do all of the things you didn't get around to doing when you were with your ex. Read, catch up on TV shows you love, go shopping...whatever you love to do, then do that.

Be open to new relationships of course, but don't force anything. See people for fun not with the end game in mind.


Getting Over Friendships

The same applies if you have lost a close friendship. If there really is no way back then all of the same advice applies.

I advocate an olive branch where friendship is concerned. If you feel that talking might help and you really want your friend in your life then do what you can to work things out.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)