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How to Get Over from a Narcissist

Updated on August 10, 2017

Narcissists are people who have excessive admiration of themselves. They are selfish, vain, self-centered and basically, everything revolves around them.

So how does it feel to be in a relationship with one? For people who have been with them for some time, it's like experiencing hell on earth. It's consuming, frustrating and depressing. At first, they will make you feel like you have found the right one until they get your trust and become clingy to them. After some time, they will lie excessively, cheat on you and dump you without any remorse. They are called the emotional vampires because they will suck your happiness, attention, love, self-worth and confidence.

People who have been with narcissists are similar to those who had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They crave their ex-partners like how drug users crave for their pot. They fell in love with people who never existed and lose their identity in the process.

Is it harder to get over a narcissist? Or do people get to have happy endings with one? It's no different in getting over someone compared to getting over a narcissist, but people with narcissist ex-partners tend to have lower self-esteem and self-worth. As for the happy ending, it is possible if the narcissist will change, which rarely happens.

So if you have been with a narcissist, here are some helpful tips to help you move on for good:

  1. Your value doesn't depend on him/her. There is nothing wrong with you even if you've been left behind, lied to or cheated on by one. Narcissists are not looking for love but for victims who will give them endless supply of narcissism. You are more than good enough, you just deserve someone better than a narcissist.
  2. Never seek revenge. It's painful to be with a narcissist. They don't show remorse and you can't hear them apologize for hurting you. They treat you like crap, as if your feelings never mattered. But as people usually say, always be the bigger person. Your healing is your utmost priority and your goal. You can't heal by plotting on your revenge to your narcissist ex.
  3. No contact. The most effective thing to do after a breakup. There's no need to stay in contact or be with friends with a narcissist ex. You will only be manipulated if you do so. Protect your heart and mind by going no contact.
  4. Acceptance. You loved an actor/actress who portrayed a very good role just to win your heart. They are not the people that they pretended to be. They are the manipulators, liars and cheaters who played with your heart. Accept the fact that they never really loved you, they just loved themselves. They always care about their needs and wants, regardless of who could they possibly hurt in the process.
  5. Work on yourself first. Your self-worth stealthily dismantled after being in a relationship with a narcissist. Try to focus on gaining your self-esteem first to avoid attracting narcissists in the future and to know what you deserve in a partner. Focus on becoming a better person so you could attract a better partner the next time.

Breaking up with a narcissist is thousand times harder than breaking up with a normal person because it will affect your character. But don't let a bad breakup bring you down. Maybe it's meant for you to discover yourself, transform yourself to be a better person and partner. You will be a lot stronger, wiser, happier and more emotionally mature after the breakup.

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    • schoolgirlforreal profile image

      schoolgirlforreal 6 months ago

      Very painful.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 9 months ago

      "Narcissists are people who have excessive admiration of themselves. They are selfish, vain, self-centered and basically, everything revolves around them." That may be true.

      However narcissists are (created) by those who worshipped them early on. Maybe it was their parents, siblings, friends, peer group, those on the sports team, an audience of some kind, newspaper reviews, or other outside influences that convinced them they are "special". (Society creates and feeds the beast!)

      The best way to get over a narcissist is to first recognize or acknowledge that (you) are ATTRACTED to them!!!

      For example a lot of women are drawn towards "Alpha Men" over what is called "Beta Men". Many of the characteristics of a an "Alpha Man" read like the description of a narcissist.

      You may not be able to control who is attracted to you but you can control who you say "yes" to. Figuring out why you said "yes" to a narcissist is the key to learning how to avoid and get over them.

      The real challenge is learning to overcome one's natural "impulsive connection" towards people with traits you'll ultimately decide are toxic in a long-term relationship.

      Being with a "take charge" person or someone who is revered by others may make (you) feel "special" because they're spending time with you but once you realize they're going to always be the "star" and you're just part of the entourage things get old quickly.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      If your mate never takes a sincere interest in what is going on with your life, never apologizes to you about anything, or makes any compromises it usually means he/she doesn't think (you) are "special".

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Choose wisely!

    • profile image

      AmySwasey 9 months ago

      I'm married to one and he puts me DOWN everyday and is hateful constantly.... he has no emotion whatsoever!... help!!!

    • profile image

      Sarah / Diamonds N Denim 9 months ago

      Yes! I once dated a narcissist -I'm now married to someone else, thankfully- and it was so painful. His desire to be the center of attention, combined with his mild OCD had me feeling inadequate and drained just like you mentioned. When he broke up with me I never spoke to him again, and, like you said, it made the "grieving" process so much easier.

    • profile image

      Crystal Eve Kelley 9 months ago

      Oh man, I have had to go through this and it is horrible. When you finally get over that person though, you think to yourself "HOW DID I EVER LIKE THAT PERSON?" because you finally are able to open your eyes as to how toxic they truly are.

    • TimFilmoore profile image

      TimFilmoore 9 months ago from Los Angeles CA

      the recent gf i had was someone like this, she's nice at the start but as soon as you get serious on things, they flip hard, i hope i meet nicer people in the future, i enjoy your works, keep it up!

    • June Liandra profile image

      June Liandra 9 months ago from State of Wyoming

      i remember my mom crying a lot over my asshole father (sorry for the language but he is an asshole) my mom just do everything for her and when she ask him a little favor, he gets worked up and a fight breaks out, he think the world is about him, i hated him

      great hub by the way :)

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