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How To Get A Girl Without Even Trying

Updated on January 4, 2012

Background Info And How To Start

Okay guys, This is the Age-Old Question How do I get a Girlfriend.

Well you guys iv seen countless posts about people who are having a hard time dating, never had a girlfriend, im here to help. So to start im going to tell you a little bit about me.

I'm Dolian Grey, i am a senior in Highschool, im not a jock, im not anything extrodinarily special, im a lot like normal people. On the contrary i am a musician not a lot of people know this about me even though i have played some shows in sacramento; however i live about an hour north of sacramento. I started playing the relationship game my freshman year of highschool first girl i ever crushed on turned me down i never asked her out but i became her friend before i left. She didn't like me like that and i understood that so i didn't make a big deal out of this, its not the end of the world if you are rejected so she said no shake it off and keep trotting guys. I'll get more into some background when i need to use it as examples or for information.

So lets start with the reason you googled this, you want a girlfriend i understand. Look at it this way what most people really want deep down is to be happy right? This is what iv found to be true for me, even when i was dating girls iv found at some points im happier being single then i am in the relationship. My Senior year i fell head over heels for a girl and i really did think the world of her, however highschool drama came with this, first started with her family and friend throughing a fit that she was dating me and it seemed like every month was more drama, kind of high mantience, end of the story she broke my heart and it sucked. Now enough about that, (i brought it up to explain the situation i was in past few months) basically this is the perdiciment, if you want to have a girlfriend well you shouldn't worry about it. as counteractive as that sounds its true, my freshman year like i talked about earlier i wanted a girlfriend so bad and she didn't want anything to do with me, this relates to a push-pull theory, if you put all this time and energy into trying to make the girl like you shes obviously going to push you away, think of it this way if you know you can have something without trying how driven are you to get it? This coorolates us to Incentive if theres no incentive to do something people wont do it, if you make your self slightly alufe show her your interested however keep her at bay enough that she has to think about the situation shes pulling you back to her.

So Start with this guys, first think about body language. When you walk down a street watch people look how they walk, i do this at school a lot, look at their shoulders, (this is a key give away) usually people who are insecure or unconfident will have their shoulders slumped forward, they wont stand tall, less likely to shake hands with someone new, make eye contact with people just a lot of these normal things. Now look at the guy who walks talls his shoulders pulled back and chest pushed out, it screams confidence, even if you don't feel confident in yourself fake it till you make it, if you try to be happy eventually you will be. Now here is were im going to get into actual process of doing things.

1 Body Language

People you proboly don't know this but 95% of communication is body language! So i can scream at you until im blue in the face telling you that body language is a key thing, well yeah it is but its just one piece of the puzzle. People say all the time if your ugly your doomed to be alone its how it goes. Well that's not true!!

start working out, now i don't mean work out all day long and do this and that and by my product no! Just start working out lift weights get a gym membership. This is how it works when you work out or lift weights etc etc, your brain will release endorphomines, endorphomines are the cause of all hapiness. Not only will this help you become happy working out will make your body look a lot better not a bad thing right? Doesn't hurt anything. 1 it makes you healthier 2 it will help your self esteem tremendously, after the girl i fell head over heels left me i started working out, im 5'6 and was 115lb now im still 5'6 but 130lb at 7.2% body fat. started with 12 1/2 inch bicepts now im 16 1/4 inch, im telling you you feel so much better about yourself when you look good.

2 Keep Yourself Well Groomed.

This is going back to feeling good when you look good. Brush your teeth nobody likes it when you have yellow fangs and green gunk baked onto them! Acne it can be a complete pain in the ass. Some people really have trouble with it maybe proactive doesn't work for you well try myurad or other alternatives. Just because you have acne doesn't mean that you are completely out of the game, but not having any will at least get you a second look. there are a few things you can do if you can't get a hold of clincle stuff, you can try taking bakingsoda or power put a little water in it and apply, they clean out your pores, also surprisngly toothpaste! If you think about it toothpaste is used to kill germs and bacteria well if you put a little water on your face then apply a dab and rub it in and leave on for 30 seconds or so then wash off it will help clean out your pores. Use of salt or other anti bacterial substances will work just have to find out what works for you. Get a haircut my junior year i had long blond hair down to the middle of my shoulder blades because i was in a band playing guitar yadayada. Well after the girl left me i cut my hair got new clothes worked out, took time to make myself better in my own eyes. When you look good you feel good and boy is it true. If your going to have facial hair keep it trimmed and make it look like something otherwise shave it all off, your a lot more presentable this way. Now a key part to grooming yourself keep your clothes nice.. go out and buy some new ones if you can afford some. add a few nice key pieces to ur wardrobe maybe some nicer dress shirts a tie maybe. You need to be able to look the part. Now don't get me wrong i don't go to school in a full suit like im a lawyer or anything. But i try to pick out clothes that match, take time in picking what your going to wear make it look like you spend the extra few minutes to care for yourself. Honestly what is the worst thing that can happen from you doing this? You look good that's what! Fold your clothes when you put them away so that your not going in wrinkled shirts or torn up jeans unless your going to jeans as a look. Style it up don't be afraid to look good you guys.

3 Smell nice

A huge mistake coorilated with this is that guys will hear this and they'll go grab a can of axe and spray themselves like crazy with it. Don't do that. You can pick something nice and spray just a little bit on your neck, in the neck of your shirt somewhere were it wont get arrated out too quickly and do not overdo it otherwise its overbearing and no one can stand you!! Something i like to wear is Drakkar Noir you can find it at macys for 45$. Its not super expensive and if your only using a little bit at a time it will last you months if not years.

4 Don't Worry About Girls! Let Them Come To You!

So im willing to bet that a lot of you guys are just like what?!?!?! but trust me here for a little bit. So instead of worrying about finding a girl just have fun. Do things that you enjoy doing, now don't go home and play world of warcraft all day because you enjoy being a NightElf or something. Go to social events maybe plan a night out with some of your friends, go to an amusment park whatever you do have fun! I can riddle off a million places to go, you can go play a game of basketball, go to the movies with your friends, (amusment park is my favorite) have a small get together and play small buy in poker do something that you'll have fun doing and your being social. If you have a lot of connections with friends and theres some type of party going on well go to it, be responsible of course... but go and have fun communicate with people. Go with your friends especially because you can have a lot of fun with people you know, or go out on a limb and talk with some people you don't know real well whatever you do communicate with everyone. If you talk to everyone the ones that are usually beating all the guys off with a stick will stop and think everyone talks to him yadayadayada maybe i should too. Well spunky this is where we get to talk about communication ;)

5 Communication: The other 5%

So remember how i talked about body language being 95% of communication? Well that's true but the other 5% is important too. Whenever you talk to somebody is too be interesting, the best way to do that? ask questions keep them talking about themselves and try not to ramble on too much about your ownself. If you see a girl who you think is pretty well first stop and think why is she pretty? is it because of the clothes she wears, her gorgeous eyes? the way she does her hair, what is it specifically? tell her you love the way she does her hair be specific about what though! A huge mistake i see people my age making is they do the compliments but they arent specific about what and the girl is just taking in generic compliments; oh i love your hair. well what do you like about it? Well spunky looks like you ran straight into a wall there.. be specific about what you think is nice don't give generic compliments because your going to get generic responses back. Now with small talk make it non shilant; where are you from, what are your hobbies, tell me a little about yourself. this is all kind of generic, take an interest in something if you see a necklase ask her about it, where she got it tell her its beautiful ask her if it has any special value, just completely lather her with compliments about this necklase who knows maybe she got it from her dieing grandma or something. if you can keep the conversation about them then they will have plenty too talk about, now don't stare at her blankly and pretend to listen, be interested be sincere. Don't spend all your time on 1 person, back to push pull theory you spend all the time on her she'll push you away so after a while of talking maybe say "hey im gonna go say hello to some other people ill talk with ya later" now the balls in her court you pushed her away well now i can pretty much guarentee shes gonna at least attempt to pull you back in some way shape or form. She may not be interested in you, well no big deal! that's why you went and talked with other people your socializing with everyone.

6 Be Nice To Them All

Here's the thing guys' if your nice to everybody then the girls who are used to getting special treatment are going to be wondering why their being treated just the same as all the other girls.

7 Be Happy & Confident in Yourself

So look if you can't be happy and confident without a girl, your not going to be with a girl. It's as simple as that. If your doing your own thing and having a good time not worrying about stuff then i guarentee someone will find you and it'll work out. So just don't worry about the pressures of relationships, trust me after the first heartbreak you swear them off for good but you always come back. Be happy and have fun just enjoy what you're doing and it will all work out.

One last thing before we end this you must know these last few pointers i have 2 Rules

1- Don't sweat the small shit.

2- Everything is small shit.

When you finally get in a relationship and drama hits or whatever happens you gotta be able to fly steady when the world is falling apart because if your all over the place shes gonna leave so if you can play it cool you'll be fine, its okay for her to be around, its okay for her not to be. If you can remember that it will never fail you.

And just so you guys know i care, i stayed up until 3 am making this ;)

Also if you guys ever need help feel free to leave comments or if you are in dire need send me a message and i will talk to you one on one and help however i can.


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    • profile image

      Jackson 3 years ago

      So I'm a freshman. I mainly hang out with juniors and seniors the way things ended up (long story) but there's this senior girl that acts really nice to me and I really like her. Do you think it's worth trying to get her? (She has a boyfriend now but I was going to wait till she's simgle) (also keep in mind that I am very good looking and we are the same height) thanks

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      duvaughn hall 3 years ago

      im shy to talk to girls

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      doliongrey 3 years ago

      That's a tough one. Honestly hit her up in passing period after class. If you know how to flirt even better. Challenge her don't just he an open book. The how to talk to her is hard to give advice on honestly all you can do is try it's like that at a lot of clubs i go to. Truthfully just ask her out if she says yes then your in if no she didn't like you anyway. If she says no then be nice and play it off. "Haha it's all good you know upgrades don't walk by everyday though." You never know what will happen later. Good luck man.

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      Nick J 3 years ago

      Nick 3 hours ago

      There is this girl in my class,I like her and I made her laugh a few times when we did a group assignments but every time I try to talk to her again almost EVERY guy in my class try's to flirt with her. What do I do to get a chance to talk to her? I have no other classes with her and I barely see her in the hallway

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      Nick 3 years ago

      There is this girl in my class,I like her and I made her a few times we did group assignments but every time I try to talk to her almost EVERY guy in my class try's to flirt with her. What do I do to get a chance to talk to her? I have no other classes with her and barely see her in the hallway

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      howtogetthegirls 4 years ago from Global

      Don't forget to just ask her out, some guys just waste so much time over thinking stuff. If she likes you and you've taken the time to get to know here a bit then go for it. Nothing ventured nothing gained. So true on not sweating the small stuff. Smile, smile, smile.

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      zach flores 5 years ago

      Hey man I read your colum it was good. I ment this girl in my math class. I really like and I talked to her on firday and now I just can't stop thinking about her. She smiled at me on wensday and Friday and I think I should tell her that I'm falling for. What should I do thanks zach.

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      DolianGrey 5 years ago from California

      Okay kid-fearless; there is no way you’re going to make her like you. Based upon anatomy and how human beings are hardwired within the first few seconds of seeing you; you were either a yes, no, or a maybe. If you’re already talking to her good; that's a great start. If you make her laugh even better. Now just because you didn't say hi to her in the hallway doesn’t mean it was a dick move; you’re just not at the point in which you both say hello to each other when you see one another. Frankly now that I’m out of high school and into college I’ve learned a few different things but it's still similar to what I was talking about previously. If you want to ask her out; I would recommend definitely not in class; you will have to be hanging out with her via passing period or lunch after school etc. What it’ll come down to is being straight forward. She’s already going to have the answer predetermined so there is no point in beating around the bush mincing words. Make light conversation before asking; and to be honest I would do something easy since you’re in high school “how about we go see (name of movie) on Saturday?” always have a plan on what to do; if she doesn’t like that type of movie suggest a different one. Just know what you’re going to say ahead of time. You’re just going to have to put it out there it may be somewhat difficult; but it gets easier with time. Although if she says no; (which is possible) make light of it “oh no thank you” “that’s unfortunate you’re missing out girl” don’t get mad through a tantrum; 1 that’ll ruin any friendship you have. 2 it’ll ruin any chances you have in the future. So basically be yourself and have fun with it. If she say’s no; follow the famous advice given to me. Next!

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      kid-fearless 5 years ago

      So there's a new girl in my english class who sits in front of me, (I'm a Junior in high school), and I've talked to her; introduced myself, etc. We talk about various things throughout class. I'll pop a joke or say something funny to her, and she'll laugh. she'll talk to me without provocation.

      I did see her once outside of class, when I was with a friend walking in the hallways, I looked at her but didn't say hi, this was a dick move, wasn't it?

      so here's my main question: How can I get her to like me, like to the point where I can ask her out?