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How to Cope With a Boyfriend With Wandering Eyes

Updated on December 21, 2016

Boyfriends/Husband With Wandering Eyes

How is your love life? Success and happiness in any relationship do not come by happenstance. Success and happiness in relationship depend on whether the partners give heed to simple principles that ensure the realization of their fond expectations. Relationship is what partners make it. If they are listless and indifferent toward those factors that ensure success in a relationship, the relationship will be definitely unsuccessful. During the infatuation stage, you are very close because you are in love. However, as the infatuation stage is over, both of you’ll start to see each other’s truer selves: real side and flaws.

This is when you will notice if your guy has a wandering eye. If your guy stares at girls discreetly, it's completely natural for people to look at those they find attractive, whether they are in a committed relationship or not. Often those fleeting glances at a pretty girl go unnoticed and cause absolutely no harm whatsoever. The way some women dress, men couldn’t help but notice them? But when glancing turns into obvious ogling when you are with him, well, which is definitely unacceptable.

If a man can’t control his eyes enough to avoid ogling at women, it could mean two things. He doesn’t respect you, or worse he lacks self-control. Respect means that your happiness, security, and welfare take a higher place in his life than anything else. Your boyfriend’s eyes wander because he doesn’t respect you. If your man truly respects you and values you, he’d avoid ogling at other women when you’re around because he’d care about your feelings and he’d be afraid of losing you. It takes a very secure, confident woman not to be a little bothered when her partner ogles at other women when she is with him.

It’s no wonder that you are feeling confused, numb and hurt because it’s very difficult to know what to do when you have given your all to a relationship and you can see your partner looking elsewhere to have his needs fulfilled. That feeling of abandonment will assail your heart.

If you dislike the fact that your boyfriend or husband gets distracted each time another girl is around or walks past him, don’t hate yourself because you may not be the cause of his ogling. It’s completely natural to feel angry or upset when your man gets distracted in the middle of a conversation with you and starts staring at another woman.

In order to ensure the rich experience which comes to those who are in cordial relationship, both partners must be willing to pay the price. The price of happiness in any relationship consists of disciplines, attitudes, loyalties, and commitment. Whoever desires respect must show respect to others and live in a manner worthy of respect. Respect is key to building oneness, intimacy, and trust. Many men grow up to regard women as little more than sex objects to be possessed and used at will. Such men are not physically affectionate other than when they want sex from their girlfriends or wives, because they see affection as effeminate.

You need to do something about your boyfriend’s wandering eye because the more you put up with it, the more he’ll take you for granted and continue to stare outrageously at other girls even when you’re around. As with physically attractive women, you must understand that if your shields aren’t up, and if you don’t recognize the threat to your relationship, you’re flirting with danger. Cheating starts with looks and with chats, later abandonment. A boyfriend with a wandering eye will make you feel hurt and unappreciated. Confront your boyfriend about his wandering eye if his behavior is becoming lewd. Men with wandering eyes who constantly get distracted each time a pretty girl walks by cause their partners to suffer low self-esteem. It’s the fastest way to make you feel unwanted and helpless.

There’s no excuse for a guy to mope at other girls when he’s with his own girlfriend. Even if a really attractive girl or a girl wearing very revealing clothes, he’d take a quick glance and look away from that girl in a flash because he respects you. And that’s what any man does when he’s with the woman he is in love with.

If your boyfriend often stares at girls or seems unfocused on you because he’s so busy gaping at cleavage of their dresses or short skirts, this guy definitely needs an ultimatum. He is supposed to apologize, ask for forgiveness, and try to make things right. Don’t be a doormat or a silly accommodating girlfriend who puts up with a man who disrespects you publicly. Do all you can to nip his wandering eyes before it becomes a threat to the relationship because the time to catch a black goat is before the day is dark. Your ogling boyfriends won’t suddenly realize just how inconsiderate and rude they’ve been except stamp your feet down.

Don’t hesitate to speak to him about it. And tell him that you can’t stay in a relationship where you don’t feel respected in a social setting. All guys have the will power to control their wandering eyes, if they choose to. But perhaps, in the case of your boyfriend, he had never been told in clear terms that the habit was unacceptable.

The first time you catch him sneaking a glance at another girl, don’t yell at him. Sit down with him and explain exactly how you feel when he stares at other girls when he’s with you. Don’t get angry, don’t raise your voice, but be firm and clear about your feelings. And tell him how he needs to behave when he’s around you if he wants the relationship to continue. Give him a few chances if you love him. When he continues to stare, you definitely need to give him a nudge or kick his shin from under the table. Sometimes, just pointing out his shortcoming can help him become a better boyfriend.

If there is a chance he is doing it for attention, think about how you treat him. If you take him for granted or don't show him enough love, try to redeem the situation. Make time for him. Ask him about his day and how he's feeling. Pay attention to his answers. Be affectionate with him and make intimacy a priority. Men stick with women who make them feel good, so be that woman, and you will outshine the rest of the room. Before you know it, you may find your man purposely trying to keep his attention on you.

As much as you may want to dump your water over his head, don’t do it. The more irritable you are, the more of a turn-off you are. Your tantrum may work in the short term, but if you make it a habit, it will backfire in the end. While the temptation may be to scream at your boyfriend, you might achieve a better outcome if you handle it with a little more grace and soft words. Let your boyfriend respond. He might not even have been aware of his wandering eye or may be oblivious to the hurt he was causing. In this case, you can help your boyfriend curb his wandering eye. If it's something he's been doing for a long time, it may take time to break the habit. Agree on a subtle signal for you to make if you notice he is doing it while you're out together, such as touching his elbow.

One of the quickest roads to conflict in a relationship is when the man has wandering eyes. Sometimes, no matter what you say or how hard you try to convince your boyfriend that staring at other girls is disrespectful, hurts you, shatters your self-esteem, and makes you feel unwanted, he may not change. If this is the situation, it’s probably too late to do anything about it than to end the relationship.

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Faithfulness and integrity are important character traits each partner must develop. If he is flirting with other women, he is not going to be a good lover. Success in all human relationships depends on commitment. Commitment is the lifeblood of relationship.

It may not appear threatening early in the attraction, when everything seems innocent. Remember, though, that attractions grow quickly and can destroy your relationship. Even if your relationship manages to survive, at the very least the lurking will weaken the foundation of your relationship

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    • Chuksm profile image
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      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      Bob thanks for your comment. I quite agree with you that both men & women should not allow their eyes to wander to prevent problems in their relationships.

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      Robert E Smith 2 years ago from Rochester, New York

      I love the phrase, "The time to catch a black goat is before it gets dark." It is true for women and men. One must draw a line of plain boundary so both know what is acceptable. I know people that think it's cute for the partner to flirt with people because they say that it does no harm in the presence of the other but you plainly wrote that it does, it's disrespectful and disloyal. God has created beauty and I believe noticing beauty is natural but beyond noticing when the eyes dwell and the mind has time to consider... that is another matter all together. Neither man or woman should allow themselves those stolen moments. Great article. Voted up and interesting. Bob.