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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
How to Keep Men from Cheating
I'm often surprised by how self-deluding so many women can be when it comes to sussing why a man has cheated on them. Many women think that all men cheat, but this isn't true -- only those men who are dissatisfied cheat (and the same goes for women who cheat). While it's certainly true that some men are impossible to satisfy -- and therefore total pigs for cheating at all -- most men capable of commitment are also capable of faithfulness. At the start, anyway. And that's really the key point here: If you start a relationship with a person who eventually evolves into another person, this is a good bit like breaking a contract. Two people get together because they like each other as they are. If one or both of those people changes for the worse, the other is going to feel cheated in their own right. Mind, I'm not condoning cheating at all, I am just pointing out that there are ways to avoid it.
Ladies, if you don't want to hear this, too bad: If you weighed 150 lbs when you started dating and then weigh 250 a few years later for reasons unrelated to a medical condition, you have changed significantly. Sexual attraction is very important in a relationship; it's basic biology. I am not saying you have to look like a supermodel, but you should feel obligated to at least maintain the original shape that attracted your man in the first place. Yes, you can love anyone no matter their size -- but wanting to be physically intimate with that same person is another matter entirely, and if a man is no longer physically attracted to you, he may well seek out someone else who appeals to him on that level.
No one finds paranoia sexy. If you're snooping around your man's bedside table, going through his pockets, showing up at his work or popping by the bar on boy's night out --- you're a stalker and I certainly wouldn't want to be dating you. Unless you have reason to believe he's cheating, believe that he isn't.
I don't care if you're Claudia Schiffer -- if you nag your man you're going to become less and less attractive every single day. Don't pester him about stupid crap that really doesn't matter. If you're involved with a man who never keeps his promises unless you do nag, you're not in a good relationship to begin with. But if you are involved with a man who keeps his word, give him a chance to keep it before you start acting like your mother.
Your man needs space. This doesn't mean he needs to hang with his mates at the pub every night (and if he is doing that he's either an alcoholic or doesn't like you much, or both) but it does mean that he should get to do some things without you tagging along. Let him have guy time if he wants it. And no, it doesn't mean he likes them more than he likes you.
Part of staying sexy but deserves its own heading. Flirting keeps passion alive and is a vital part of every good relationship. If you haven't got any passion, you've got major issues that need working on. A committed relationship is not supposed to be the end of romance; you should maintain your dating rituals for the duration of your relationship, even if only on a smaller scale.
If he wants to try a new hobby, be encouraging. If he's having trouble at work, be supportive. Men don't vent the same way that women do, but they will talk when they need to. Make sure you're there when they need to -- if he's suddenly withdrawn, ask him to open up to you, but be respectful if he's not ready to. Just let him know that you're there when he's ready to talk.
Get a hobby.
If you have your own hobbies you will have something to do when your man is too busy or when he's away on business. This will keep you from trying to smother or nag him long distance when your insecurities kick in. Have something to devote your excess energy to so it doesn't spill over into your relationship.