How to Keep Your Cats from Ruining Your Love Life

Please re-read that subtitle a couple times. And if you don't understand this rule, here is Rule #2: Please refer to Rule #1. Seriously. Cats have an uncanny ability to weed out the losers from the keepers.

When I was in college, I had several people over to my apartment both friends and potential mates alike. Anyone that I decided to date would have to pass a rigorous test of meeting Narcissus, my keeper. My beloved gray and white long haired cat was a rescue from a guy I met at the front of my local grocery store. He told me the story about how her mother was found dead in the alley and all the kittens were crying from hunger. This last cat available was the runt of the litter and covered in fleas. I took her into my palm and was instantly in love. And that fact that I was really allergic to cats was completely ignored when I looked into her sweet eyes.

When my good friend Michael would come around to help me change light bulbs in my studio apartment (I could have done it myself but he had a terrific body and oh boy! It was fun seeing him go up the ladder! ha ha), Narcissus loved him. He had a way with animals and my cat adored him. Even though the rest of the world would sometimes avoid my overly hyperactive buddy, especially on days he forgot to take his Ritalin, my cat always knew that he had a good heart. And she was right.

She loved my friend Neal too even though she loved to scratch him to get a rise out of him, she would play with him for hours. He won a goldfish for me at a Purim Carnival (It cost him $12.00! ha ha) by throwing a ping pong ball into a goldfish bowl. I gave Hapi (my new goldfish, named after the Japanese snack cracker) to Narcissus. I told her it was a gift from Neal. How she adored him after this! To this day, over 15 years later, Neal and I remain good friends.

Oh, you need to know that Hapi was never a snack for Narcissus. I kept his bowl on the hard wood floor of my bedroom and Narcissus would hug the bowl with her furry arms and put her nose in the water so the goldfish would bite her. They played for hours like this, which was helpful when I was at college, they were good, albeit ironic, friends.

One night I brought home a man that was interested in dating me. He tried to pretend that he liked my cat and I knew that he was faking it to please me. I was going to change before we went out for the evening. While picking out my outfit, my cat kept hissing at him and literally GROWLING at him! It was so weird! She had never acted like that before. Needless to say, I faked a quick headache and got out of our date. I told him that I was not feeling very well and that I would love for him to call me in a couple days. I never heard from him again. Narcissus was right!

When I finally found a man that was worthy enough to be with, she loved him dearly. She would cuddle with him or between us at night. I knew that he was definitely a keeper. We dated for 2.5 years before he joined the military and went to fight in a couple skirmishes, including the 2nd Iraq war. He actually became a war hero during the Bosnia Herzokovena situation. He rescued a dozen men and got to meet the President! Narcissus really picked a winner for me.

Take it from me, your cats are really smart. I think maybe they can read energy or auras of people. You have to listen to your cats because it is the greatest advice you will ever receive about your potential mate.

Cats do not know how to lie, they are animals with integrity. They need to be loved, appreciated and respected and you will always get this back from them ten fold, if you keep up your end of this precious relationship. Remember that this is a relationship too, and this animal will love you unconditionally as long as you know and follow the rules. They don't give their loyalty blindly, you must earn their trust and respect.

Your cats will be very expressive in their opinions and they will truly surprise you in what they are capable of doing.

When my Army Guy came to the door, Narcissus would race to the door, jump on the handle and turn it, letting him in. She'd walk proudly in front of him with her huge squirrel-like tail in the air waving like a flag, to announce his arrival. This always made us laugh. She was right. He was important to her as much as to me and he became important to the world. He saved lives. In fact this is one of my regrets. Years after we parted ways due to circumstances, he called and asked me to marry him.. one week before I married my husband! He always loved me and I always loved him as well. He was truly the one that got away.

Narcissus was so proud of my Army Guy in fact that... and this is highly embarrassing for me... but it is worth telling so you can avoid this situation in the future. Okay here goes... My grandmother and mother came over one morning --a surprise visit-- and Narcissus was really happy because my Army guy had just come over the night before and had in fact, just left about 30 minutes before my folks came over. When my Grandma asked me, "What have you been busy with lately?" Narcissus ran as fast as she could to the bathroom, retrieved a used condom out of the trash and brought it to my Grandma, dropping it in front of her! I was MORTIFIED to say the least. Cats will always tell on you. (Note for future reference: Throw used condoms away outside!)

Cats will tell and cats will rebel. Let this be your mantra.

When a cat does not like a person that you are dating, he or she will leave nasty presents for this hated person and eventually, if you don't take your cat seriously, the anti-presents will be directed at you. This can range from peeing in his or her shoes, throwing up on his or her clothes and if you do not listen, cat poop may be involved. If you are still stubborn enough to ignore your cats warnings, your cat will rebel against you also. These are the passive aggressive behaviors. If your cat is a tough Tomcat, then he may resort to direct assaults: biting, scratching, attacking with growls and oh yes, there will be plenty of hissing and swishing of the tail rapidly back and forth. This sign of intense annoyance should never be ignored.

If your cat is more passive, he or she could simply run away. They don't need you, you know. They own you and they will fire you for not listening! If the person you are with is physically abusive, your cats will go out of their way to attack the person and will defend you to their own demise, if necessary.

Now what if your cats used to be well behaved around your Honey but now are acting out? What is going on? How do you keep your kitties happy so that they do not ruin your relationship? Cats are capable of deep emotions (I literally have seen a cat cry. My old roommate's cat Jupiter cried big tears when Narcissus rejected his sexual advances by scratching his ear. I swear I saw her laughing in my room after that! She was a tough, picky kitty!). Cats can feel angry, annoyed, jealous and spiteful. They can also feel love, sadness, tenderness and protectiveness, to name a few. Please understand and respect this about your feline furballs.

Your cats need you. They will never act like it, but they really love you and want you to show them attention and affection too. This is the only reason they stay with you. They actually like you. You need to spend one on one time every day with your cats. Pet them, sit with them in your lap while you watch TV away from your Honey. Always allow them to cuddle with you and eventually they will cuddle with your Love too when they are no longer threatened, jealous or angry.

This is a given, but it is worth mentioning especially if your love is new and you are so in love your daily chores tend to fall behind (and who has not allowed love to turn their mind to marshmallows at times?). Make sure your cat is always fed with fresh food, the food is always away from ants, the water is freshly changed at least once if not twice per day and the litter box is impeccable. Also, brush your cat often and give your cat that gooey stuff that comes in a toothpaste-like tube for hairballs prevention. A well-placed hairball can literally ruin your Honey's day! Taking care of the basics for your cats will help them to understand how much you still care for them. They need to be reminded in every way possible that you are capable of loving more than one creature at a time!

Buy your cats treats and new toys fairly often and talk sweetly to them always. Get on the floor with them and play with them. When you meet their eyes at their eye level, they will feel closer to you and better about the new person in the room. Get your Honey to do this also so that a bond can be formed.

Rule #3: When the cats are happy, everyone is happy!

Blessings to you and your furry four legged friends.

XOXO,

Mermaid Girl

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