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How to Land a Second Date by Mastering the First

Updated on April 20, 2015

Be The Man

Everyone's read the articles written by people who sit at home and have never been on a successful date in their life. You've all tried the "sneaky arm stretch" at the movies and still can't figure out why you're still getting stuck after a certain point. The fact is: women want to go on a date with a man. This doesn't mean you have to be a construction worker or spend countless hours in the gym perfecting your overall symmetry (although, this never hurt). The problem that I've seen time and again is that people read "be ascertive" and turn into assholes; "be kind" and turn into puppy dogs that can't make a single decision without consulting their date for approval first. The words "be a man" are not just a statement, but an entire paragraph; a book! Those three words can mean the difference between never making the interview and getting a promotion.

The Leader of the Pack: Men are meant to be leaders. If you look at the defintion of a great leader in any peer-reviewed article you'll see that all of the definitions refer to a person who is able to listen (which involves understanding), guide and adapt to challenges as they arise. If you've noticed your date talking several times about her love for Batman, the beach or any other subject that seems to be recurrent in conversation, find a way to incorporate that into your date in a fun (and not creepy) way. Leaders have a plan. Be sure you know what you've got in store for the night so that you aren't fumbling over yourself making last ditch efforts to appease her. You'll look unprepared, and in a female's mind that translates to her not being important enough to plan for. Remember, life happens and even those of us that seemed to be the most prepared get surprised every once in a while. Don't freak out if everything isn't perfect. A leader is able to take the circumstances that are in front of them and make the best out of it. Turn a flat tire into a chance to talk about crazy events that have happened in the past to the both of you (leaves the exes out of this conversation), or even a nice walk if the scenery allows for it.

Timing is Everything: You'll know when the time is right. Don't expect a kiss just because you've shown up to a movie and paid for some popcorn. As a matter of fact, not going in for a kiss at the end of the night can show that you really care about her(especially if you tell her that's why you didn't lean in during a later discussion). It's perfectly fine to be nervous. Tell her. She'll be relieved to hear that the reason you're sweating so much is because you're nervous and not because you have overactive sweat glands.

Dyno-Mite! Don't come out guns blazing. If you overdo it on the first date, she'll know. Remember guys, women are also human beings; they have brains. Don't take her to the nicest restaurant in town if you can't afford to eat there regularly. It's deceitful, and they know what you do for a living. Staying within your means shows that you're confident in yourself and don't have to overcompensate for any short-comings. If a women is interested in what you can monetarily do for her, she's looking for a wealthy father, not a relationship. Hit the "next" button and move on before things get worse.

Lead by Example: This old addage holds meaning in all areas of life. If you want a woman to know you're interested, don't just tell her: show her. It's the simplest things in life that give us clues for things to come, and most are non-verbal. If someone is on their cell phone during the date, not making eye contact and sitting back in their seat then it tells us that they are bored; uninterested. Make the subtlest cues speak the loudest for you. A simple touch on the arm during a laugh, slightly leaning in during conversation and eye contact go a long way.

Ending Notes: Relax. Although your nerves are telling you to jump up and down, take a second and just breathe. The best way to show someone who you really are, is to just be yourself. Not every date is going to end in true love. Yes, she's beautiful and has everything you think you want in a partner, but she may not be the one for you. Don't be afraid to end the date with a smile, hug and an "I'll talk to you soon." If you "forgot" to tell her something on the date like how beautiful she looked, call her on the ride home and tell her you were nervous, but that doesn't change the fact that she looked gorgeous (hey, it worked for me and my fiancé!). Give it some time after that but don't wait for her to make the move, you're the leader right? Call her; don't waste your time on a text message, it's impersonal and makes you looked scared. If she doesn't answer, leave a good 'ole fashioned voice message. Be short but make your intentions to see her again known.

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    • Akriti Mattu profile image

      Akriti Mattu 

      3 years ago from Shimla, India

      This is such an interesting post :)


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