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How to Make Eye-Contact with a Girl

Updated on November 1, 2015
"Sudden, spontaneous eye contact is a sign that two people should talk."  -James Redfield
"Sudden, spontaneous eye contact is a sign that two people should talk." -James Redfield

Why is making eye-contact with a girl so important, especially the first 7 seconds with a girl you do not know and who you have never met before?

It turns out that there are exactly 7 steps from the moment you look at the girl to having sex with her. It is as follows.

STEP 1: Make eye-contact with the girl

STEP 2: If she signals her approval, go over and talk to her.

STEP 3: Take her phone number.

STEP 4: Call her number and at the end of the call ask her out on a date.

STEP 5: Go on a date with her. Get to know her. Become close to her mentally and emotionally

STEP 6: Repeat step 5 a few more times until she feels physically comfortable with you.

STEP 7: Connect with her through SEX.

If you screw up the first step, the other 6 steps will fall flat and may never happen.

No matter how good you are at the other 6 steps, you are likely to waste your time doing it, if you fail at step 1.

Even if you do the other steps, you might struggle to carry them out because eye-contact is the only step that is required at all the remaining 6 steps too.

David Deangelo in one of his programs says, ‘The Beginning and the End are the Same’.

Now what does he mean by that?

It turns out that, woman at the very first 7 seconds of making eye contact with you are at an unconscious level already calculating whether you are a suitable mate for them or not.

The beginning of eye-contact (Step 1) reveals whether she will be open to having SEX with you at the end (step 7)

A hundred thousand years ago, when our ancestors were living in the African savannahs, survival and reproduction was difficult. The faster and more accurately a woman was able to identify a suitable mate, the better genes she was able to carry forward. Time saving meant efficiency and quality.

So, within the first 7 seconds a woman is able to come to a conclusion whether you are a potential mate for her or not.

If the signal from her unconscious is ‘YES’, then she communicates it to you non-verbally and indicates that they would like to be approached. If the answer is ‘No’, then even if you approach her and are likely to carry out the remaining steps, you won’t be getting the last step i.e having sex with her, because she have already rejected you as a potential mate at an unconscious level.

So, the first seven seconds of eye contact with an unknown woman determines if she is going to have Sex with you provided you follow the other 5 effectively.

If you are trying to attract a girl who already knows you, it may be difficult to get her to like you through eye contact, early enough. She has already considered you not as a potential mate (friend?). But, through consistency of your eye-contact skills along with some alpha male habits, you can awaken attraction inside her towards you, through time.

The Inner Mind Psychology

What is going on in your mind before making eye-contact with her?

If you have never made eye-contact with a girl before to attract her towards you, then the biggest challenge and resistance will be put by your own mind.

When you start practicing the eye contact technique, your mind will put up thoughts and emotions that will prevent you from even trying.

Some of them are.

  1. Does she have a boyfriend?
  2. Will she be attracted to me?
  3. How will I deal with the approach to minimize my chances of rejection?

Our ancestors who did not have such a thought before looking at a girl usually ended being beaten to death by the guy who was already in a relationship with that girl. But times have changed. Even if the girl is in a relationship and she signals you to approach her, what are your chances of you ending up DEAD or hurt even if she has a boyfriend? Nil.

So, it is better to get over such thoughts that reduce your confidence and come in the way of you and your future life partner. Some techniques you can perform quickly to reduce your fear of making an eye contact are as follows.

  1. Relax and breathe slowly.
  2. Listen to some motivational videos before you go out
  3. Practice meditation
  4. Remember your past failures and use it as a motivation to break the obstacles that are not allowing you to get outside your comfort zone.

What is going on in her mind during the first 7 seconds of making eye-contact with you?

  1. What is he thinking? Am I attractive enough?
  2. Does he have a girlfriend?

Imagine for a few seconds, that you are a girl looking out for a man who is highly confident and good at making eye contact with you.

How many men do you think there are that walk around the planet confident and good at locking eyes with a girl?

The answer is VERY FEW.

Now, on top of trying to attract such scarce men, she is also competing with other woman for attention.

If she is able to get the attention of such a man, she goes into the insecure mode of being good enough. Scarcity builds insecurity.

If you can connect with her through your eyes and are confident, you have already done 50% of the work of getting any girl. It’s your chance then to choose the right girl for you.

Making Eye-Contact With a Girl: STEP-BY STEP

“She looked him directly in the eye. A colleague of hers had once told her that eye contact with another person for more than six seconds without looking away or blinking revealed a desire for either sex or murder.”  ― Lisa Genova
“She looked him directly in the eye. A colleague of hers had once told her that eye contact with another person for more than six seconds without looking away or blinking revealed a desire for either sex or murder.” ― Lisa Genova

STEP 1: Make eye-contact with her. The girl becomes curious and makes eye-contact with you.

STEP 2: You and the girl continue to make eye-contact for more than 5 seconds. Do not break eye-contact with her first. Let her be the one to do it. Once she does, you do it too.

STEP 3: Now repeat step 1 and Step 2. If you and the girl lock eyes for more than 5 seconds again, then consider this as a signal of approval. It’s time to approach her.

(If a girl doesn’t make eye-contact with you then switch to another one. By your 3 attempt you are sure to find a girl who would follow all the 3 steps till the end.)

How To Practice Making Eye Contact

1. Create a Goal.

-‘Begin with the END in Mind’ –Stephen Covey, Author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

The best way to ensure that you struggle to make eye-contact with a girl for the rest of your life is to not begin with a goal in mind. What is your goal? What are you trying to achieve by learning this technique?

How are you planning to practice it?

It is necessary to be as clear as possible.

E.g. establish eye-contact with at least 2 new girls/day. Then next month when you have practiced enough you can change your goal to approach and talk to 2 new girls/day.

2. Practice with the Pic of a Girl.

If you are too shy to even look into a walking/talking girls eyes, then practice looking into the eyes of the image of a girl first. Practice the 3 steps of eye contact with her. Count the seconds if you want. Do it atleast 1 time a day and do not forget to use a different image each day.

3. Take the help of another girl.

Catch a girl you know well. Especially, if you like her. Tell her your problem of shyness and how you want to land up a hot girl as your girlfriend one day. She might feel jealous here. Tell her you want to improve your eye-contact skills and need her help in solving your problem. If she says yes, practise 30 seconds of SILENT eye-contact with her.

WARNING: In spiritual circles this technique has known to make two singles fall in love with each other very quickly. So, proceed with caution. If at any moment you start having feelings for her. STOP immediately. i.e. unless she too begins to have feelings for you.

4.Practice the technique on strangers

When you practice this technique on unknown girls what you will realise is that there are a great number of girls out there who want to connect with a guy in a deeper way.

I have found it to my surprise, even girls having a boyfriend giving signals saying how much they long to connect with a guy that really understands their non-verbal signals. Majority of the guys are POOR at understanding non-verbal signs as simple as an eye contact.

If you get this game right you will already stand out way more attractive than other men.

5. READ The Power Of Eye Contact by Michael Ellsberg

This book goes into the DEPTH of the subject. It is a combination of psychology and a how to guide. It even has some experts talking specifically about eye-contact and its power to influence anyone especially a GIRL.

This book also covers other areas of your life where eye contact can play a crucial role like work, community and spirituality.

Inner Mindset To Have Before You Make Eye Contact With A Girl

There is a scene in the movie ‘Top Gun’, where in a bar Tom Cruise accepts a bet of 20 $ from his friend. But before he goes out and approaches Kelly McGillis, he has already created a positive mind-set of making the girl feel the loving feeling that she has lost.

Project through your eyes what your mind is thinking. Before you go out and make eye contact with a girl have a mind-set of connecting with a girl deeply. Be curious, what does she want in life? What are her fears, frustrations and ambitions? How could I make her day that she would never forget in her entire life?

Go in order to give and create value for her and you will be surprised by the ways in which a girl would return you the favour of making her day.

Keep away from the mind-set of ‘ What will she give me’ or ‘ How can she make my life better’

Types Of Girls To WATCH OUT For

1. SHY

Eye-Contact Skill Required: Moderate

She is the most difficult to read and hard to make eye-contact with. It is not that she doesn’t like you. Even if she is attracted to you, she might not even try. But whenever she tries, even for once, consider this a good sign.


Eye-Contact Skill Required: Beginner to Moderate

Most girls fall into this category. Unlike most guys who do not know the rules of the game, most girls do know how to play it. However, since they play it unconsciously, keep your approach as simple as possible.


Eye-Contact Skill Required: Beginner

This girl will look at any guy who looks at her. She displays the image of a girl wanting help. She makes you feel like an alpha even when you are not being one. Such is the reason why many fall into her seduction.

If you are new to this process and come around such a girl, you might feel an early success. But be warned and control your inner desires. It is very easy to fall into her trap.

You look into her eyes and she gives you a welcome signal. You approach her and she makes you feel like a king. You star believe for a moment that you are a natural and your problems of looking at a girl are over. But it is not your amazing skills but her natural seductive powers that makes any man fall for her appeal. Practice with her if you are a beginner but do not be swallowed into her seductive powers.


Eye-Contact Skill Required: Advanced

This type of girl doesn't for even a moment shy away from looking at you. She senses it very easily when you look at her. She isn't afraid to continue the eye-contact for a long time; more than 20 seconds. She does it consciously. She wants you the break the eye contact first.

If you are new to this game, try avoiding this type. Once you begin to gather confidence, such types will help you increase your eye-contact even further.

The Art Of Seduction by Robert Greene is a good book which will help you identify the different types of girl out there and how each girl is unique in different ways.

You will also get an idea of how each girl is struggling with her issues and what her HOT BUTTONS are.

Be Aware Of The Analysis Paralysis

No matter how many books you read or how much in-depth research you have done in the past to know if the girl is giving the ‘LIKE’ signal or not, your mind will still ask the question ‘Does she want me to approach her?

The problem is you’ll never know unless you go over and approach. The best you can do is carry out the above three steps and ACT.

Two Examples Of Eye Contact

The first video show how Mickey Rourke maintains eye-contact with Kim Basinger in the movie Nine and a Half Weeks throughout the 7 step process

The second video is of a man who looks into the eyes of a lion, maintains it and chases death. Take this video as a reference when you are going out to make eye-contact with a girl. Ask yourself ‘What is the worst that could happen if anything goes wrong? Surely you won’t DIE as this man in the video would.


Q. Should I look at just one eye, or try to look at both?

A. Choose one eye, either left or right and then stick with it. Don’t look at the point between the two eyes.

Q. For a shy girl? How to know if she is interested?

A. Shy girls often do not make eye contact for more than a second or two. But what they do is try to compensate it by making and breaking eye contact a lot many times. Those who want you to approach them might make eye contact with you at the most 3 times before they stop. The shy ones do it many times. If a shy girl is making and breaking eye contact with you for more than 3 times, then it’s time to approach her.

Q. If she refuses to break the eye-contact, what do I do?

A. If you practice making eye contact with a lot of unknown girls, there are high chances where you would end up locked eye to eye with a girl who refuses to break it first.

The BOLD ones are pretty aware and advanced at non-verbal communication. They know this game and have played it a lot. In this situation I’d recommend keeping eye-contact locked for 15-20 seconds. Then break it and approach her right away.

Q. I made an eye-contact with her twice for more than 3 seconds, but when I approached her she acted like I was a stalker/she acted like she wasn’t interested in me. Did I miss the signal anywhere?

A. No you did not. There are limits to understanding non-verbal communication. It is a universal given that if a woman looks at you for more than 3-5 seconds twice or more than that, then she is communicating to you that she wants to be approached. If afterwards she acts differently, then it is either that she doesn’t understand the social signal well or she is desperately seeking to put down any guy inorder to feel superior.

Such women are very rare. If you land up with such an experience, don’t think that you did something wrong. She misused the signal. There is something wrong with her behaviour.

Q. Should I smile when our eyes lock each other?

A. Depends on who you are as a person or who you want to be. If you are the serious types like me then you shouldn’t as you will come out as someone different then what your personality commands. If you are more of the funny types then you should.

It’s your call. How do you want to projects yourself as being? A bit cocky or a bit funny or a bit of both?

Q. What is the Difference between gazing and staring?

A. Gazing is a natural way for two people to connect through their eyes. When gazing is done by only one person for a long time, it becomes staring. Staring indicates the desperate need to connect even when the girl is not interested and has already indicated by not looking back again.

You can look at a girl and she can look at you, and then both of you can do it back and forth for 10 times. Even then it will be OK and considered not staring

Staring is ONE WAY.


To summarize, remember the 3 step process of locking eyes with her until she breaks it, then again locking eyes until she breaks it and then finally Approaching. You can call it Aim-Aim-Shoot.

Also, Be sure to also ACT as you do your own research or read. The Combination of Theory and Practice is the quickest way to become a PRO at getting a girl.

And lastly, if you like this post don't forget to SHARE IT. If you have any questions you can put it down in your comments below or you can contact me directly at


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