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How to Make Friends as a Loner

Updated on February 10, 2013
That Grrl profile image

Laura believes holidays and events should be celebrated whether you are alone or with family & friends. Celebrate yourself & being alive.


Just because you prefer life as a loner doesn't mean you can't have some friends and enjoy being with other people, on your own terms and at your own pace. You might even find you like being social once you break the ice and find people you have interests in common with.

There are people who feel being a loner (someone who likes being alone) is awful, like having a plague. Being a loner does not mean there is anything wrong with you, it doesn't mean you are stuck up or snobby just because you're quiet and don't join in with everything.

One way to deal with stress or a lack of energy for socializing is to have a portable distraction. Keep keys in your pocket which you can take out and play with here and there to get your mind off the shyness, unease or impatience you are feeling in the moment. With a little distraction to get your focus off yourself and your feelings you can last longer and have your mind on the conversation.

Chances are you will find something interesting to talk about and that is the best way to keep yourself involved in being social and enjoying it too.

A great way to meet people and get yourself out there in a good way is to develop some hobbies and interests then find others who share the same interests or are involved in the same hobbies. Introverted people tend to enjoy hobbies which are quiet and leave them alone to work or create most of the time.

So, a hobby like photography will work well for you when you are alone - but you can find others who share the interest and will have some social get together You might even find yourself getting more out of it than you expected. People who share your interest will have ideas, resources and opinions which could give you a new outlook and inspiration.

Don't be Quiet About Being a Loner

Don't pretend you're something you aren't. When you meet people and feel a connection or want to keep a connection, let them know you tend to be an introvert rather than the social butterfly type. This way they won't expect you to be at the middle of every social situation, always chatty.

The days or times you do get quiet they will know you aren't being snobby and you have not lost interest in the conversation - you just happen to be the quiet type.

Keep Communication Lines Open

Use all the sources of communication to keep in touch with people: email, phones, getting together in person too. Make sure you give friends all your contact information so they can choose which is the best way to keep in touch with you.

If you are the sort who does not like answering the phone, let people know this is an option but not the best option. Don't leave people expecting they can phone you if you ignore the phone when it rings. Chances are email or social networking online would be a better option for both yourself and the friends you make.

Schedule your Time for Being Social

Decide on the best time for you to be social. Maybe you're a morning person and could get together with friends for a Saturday morning breakfast. If you work all day chances are after work will be your time to unwind and recharge your batteries so that isn't your best time for socializing. Pick a day when you don't have so much public time or work hours. Those days you will have more energy and feel fresher for being with other people.


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    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      What a wonderful hub once more my friend. I used to be so shy and I know that these words will benefit so many.

      Today I have come out of my seall but still not brilliant in a crowd.

      Enjoy your day and I vote up,across and share onto my FB page; 'A Brand New Dawn.


    • That Grrl profile image

      Laura Brown 5 years ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

      It took me awhile to be ok with being a loner. I still have to accept family and friends who are determined to make me change. I get annoyed with the attitude that I have to be out there and have friends and so on and so on. I do have a few friends and I see them now and then. I'm not abnormal, I'm just a loner.

    • That Grrl profile image

      Laura Brown 5 years ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

      @rfmoran - Happy dollars is a nice idea. I know when I have sucked it up and gone back to a group they are always glad to see me. Some of the people I knew from before will even make a fuss over me which makes me feel good about returning and welcome.

      It is funny how we decide on things for ourselves, based on nonsense in our own heads.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 5 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      Thanks for letting me know that it is okay to be a "loner" and not be in the middle of the social circle. It has only been as an older adult, that I have desired to seek out and cultivate friendships with people who have similar interests. As I have done so, it has been much more rewarding than I remember friendship being when I was in high school.

    • rfmoran profile image

      Russ Moran 5 years ago from Long Island, New York

      Joining a club or group is similar to HubPages. You feel that you should contribute. But in reality nobody gets dissapointed with you if you miss some time. We're just happy to see you back. In Rotary we have "happy dolars" - you put in a buck for something you're happy about. So many happy dollars are for someone who shows up after a long absense.

    • That Grrl profile image

      Laura Brown 5 years ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

      Joining something is a great thing. I have joined a few groups. But, the downfall is missing a few weeks in a row of the scheduled time. Then I feel I can't really go back. Stupid, I know. But, that's all it takes for me to feel I've let people down and it's really hard to go back again. I usually do. Now that I'm not a kid any more and I can try to understand that I'm making a big deal out of something pretty small.

    • rfmoran profile image

      Russ Moran 5 years ago from Long Island, New York

      I have a friend and neighbor who is seriously introverted. I finally succeded convincing him to join me at a Rotary meeting. He loved it, surrounded by introverts, extroverts and all those in between. He now wants to join the club.