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- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
How to Overcome Lust
Lust is currently defined as unfulfilled sexual desire. It should not be confused with the actual act of sex or the desire or intent to have have sex. I feel that many religious people have failed to draw clear distinctions which has resulted in confusion. They simply tell you that ‘lust’ is bad but fail to remind you that sex is good. Or, even worse, they package lust in with sex and/or pre-marital sex and/or homosexual sex with the label that it is all bad. Lets use logic and intuition to figure out what’s going on...
Lust prevents sex
Sex is good. How do we know it’s good? Other than how it feels in the moment it allows our species to continue to spiritually evolve... we call this: Procreation. The act of sexual intercourse is different than the feeling of lust. When you have sex you are (hopefully) enjoying the unity of bodies and souls. When you lust you are simply craving that act.
In most occasions staying lustful will prevent you from having more sex. This is because whatever thoughts you focus on you give power to. If you give power to the idea “I want sex” which implies “I’m not having it right now” you are continuing to stay in a mental state of wanting that which you don’t have. The feeling of lust will grow in your awareness, taking away room for actually having sex.
Biological & Egoic Origins of Lust
Lust is typically more pronounced in men than in women (duh!). Archetypically the masculine represents the creative and the feminine represents the receptive. Biologically men have a tendency to be the life creators while women are the life nurturers. This translates to totally different mating strategies. Men want to impregnate women as their primary goal in mating (hence, higher craving/desire for sex). Women want to find the best provider for their children which supersedes their desire to have sex. Sometimes this manifests in an unhealthy dynamic between the masculine and the feminine: The woman sees the man as just wanting sex and instinctually equates that to: poor provider... if he just wants sex he may not provide for our children. This is why women need to feel safe and secure before having sex and men need to have sex to feel safe and secure.
Lust is the ego’s distorted vision of sex. It has all the elements the ego feeds on. It has the desire of things externally which the ego feels it deserves, coupled with the negative evidence that at that moment of lust you’re not actually fulfilling that desire. It even includes a hint of victimization... “Whoa is me, I can’t have that sexual experience!” The ego, to the best of its ability is trying to incorporate sex into your life the worst way possible. It knows that without sex your genes wouldn’t get passed onto the next generation and our species would die off. This is when you’re higher self steps in to guide the ego to a healthy view of success...
Healthy view of sex
When you have your ego in check you can actually enjoy sexual relationships from the point of view of your higher self. Your higher self knows that you are an attractive, lovable human creature deserving of healthy sexual relationships. Thoughts and feelings of lust must be replaced with better ones that suit your pursuit of happiness. Appreciation and thankfulness must take the place of lust and desire in your mind. To this you must deliberately change your mind. If the thought is, “Wow what a hottie! I so want to...” replace it with “Wow a truly physically beautiful person,” and/or (if you have self-confidence) “I’ll bet if I flirt with this person we may have a connection and a mutual desire to have sex. I’ll never know unless I try!” When your beliefs are closer to your actual desire (to have sex not to lust) you have just gotten a step closer to manifesting your desires into reality. Otherwise you will stay in the trap of lust, unnecessarily feeling empty rather than fulfilled.