- Gender and Relationships
How to Please Everyone
Last time I was here, I was talking about how to please women. In case you missed that discussion, you can easily catch up on that post which is all on how to become a lady’s man. Today, I am taking it further. I am going to talk about how to please everyone.
Have you ever wondered if it is even possible to please everyone? If you have, let me see your hands. Yes, one…two…three…just three hands? Okay…four…five…six…okay…ten…that’s good…that’s good. If you have, chances are you must have also come to the shattering conclusion that it is very impossible to please everybody.
Well, you are not alone on that thought. That was my first thought, when I first dabbled with that idea in one of those interesting discussion sessions, if you recall I once told you, I usually have with myself!
As I contemplated further on this issue, I quickly told myself that it was of no point trying to please everybody simply because it was not just possible as different people have different tastes with varying cultural and religious background as well as their age-bias which have helped them in forming their whole personality and what they stand for making it almost practically impossible to even try to please them.
But I found myself asking myself if it is really true that there’s no point in trying to do so? Of course, I instinctively knew the importance of getting peoples’ cooperation and help so as to make life easier for you. I knew it was necessary to please people if you want them to persuade or seduce them to do something for you. I was well aware of the importance of having people as your companion, of getting people to love you, and of people to respect you and see you as pure gold.
So, I knew it was worthwhile to learn to please people. I already knew it was very possible to actually please everyone and the best part is that you can even do this all the time!
And I mean all the time!
Unbelievable right? Never mind. Very soon, I will be letting you into what I know on the simple secrets of how to please everyone. It is not even supposed to be called a secret because I can bet that you already know them and you might have been applying them, albeit unconsciously and/or surreptitiously as the case might be.
So, first things first. Do you know the first reason why you might have been thinking it is quite impossible to please everyone? I have to make it clear for you now. Listen, it might simply be because you have been looking at the whole picture from the wrong side and that has been the distorting your views and making it seem as if it is impossible to please everyone.
Most likely, when you hear the word ‘everyone’, your mind starts thinking of a very large group of people but in essence, when I say everyone, once you are able to put a single person into your frame of mind, you will quickly start realizing why and how it is very easy and possible to please anyone. So the truth is that for you to please everyone, you have to start thinking along the lines of pleasing just one person, one at a time.
So let’s dive in and see how we can actually please everyone. To please people, you will have to:
Be cheerful and friendly to everyone
A cheerful and smiling persona is very pleasing to people. Your smile could go a long way in making people to like you because it shows that you are open to being their friends. Your smiling conveys your confidence, your happiness, your enthusiasm, and most important, it shows your acceptance towards people.
You have to learn how to be friendly to everyone. You should be able to make them see you as their friend who has their interest in your hearts. You should get ready to do some of those things that friends do for each other like giving them a helping hand when they need it, like making them happy with your company, by bringing them good news that will uplift them, giving them encouragement, having some interesting and enlightening conversation with them, etc.
Recall that a good friend is not strictly that person who is with you when you are in sorrow. A true and good friend is also that person who congratulates and rejoices with you in good times without any traces of negative envy.
A friend is also someone who gives the other person his deserved respect. A friend is also someone who is ready to do some sacrifices for his friends. Loyalty and honesty is another quality that a true friend is expected to possess so be aware.
You have to be diplomatic to please people. You have to be able to give them that justice that makes them feel happy and satisfied. You have to show them that you are no their side and you can see their own point of view.
You have to show them that you can identify with their situation simply because you can understand how they feel. You will agree with me that being diplomatic is going to be quite a tough thing to handle simply because you have to do the same thing to the other side and you also have to be careful not to appear as a double-crosser whose vote goes to the highest bidder.
Well, if you are a good diplomat, you will find out that the best way of doing such a thing without appearing as a double-crosser is by simply maintaining your independence and neutrality at all times.
You have to also master how to convince people with your voice and body language. You have to give them the opportunity to say their minds.
But most of all, you have to learn how to chose your words carefully because words are powerful and they can have different connotations and interpretations to different people if they are not carefully worded. Simply put, you just have to master the art of saying the right things at the right times!
Don’t forget you also have to be confident at all times when you are dealing with people because confident people are always attractive with that assurance feeling they create and what is attractive is pleasing to the senses.
Let them speak their mind
We just said it's also part of diplomatic. You see, the thing is that if you allow people to speak their minds, they will simply appreciate you. You don’t have to close them off because that will certainly make you come off as a know-it-all and I am yet to see a person who likes a Mr. Know-it-all.
People are full of ample ideas. People are also full of weird and stupid ideas. But one surprising thing is that we all tend to think that our ideas are so great and wonderful and you will really be a kill-joy if you are the type of person that cuts people off without letting them to speak their mind.
If you are in a higher position, they will quickly resent you even though they may not be so vocal about it but that resentful feeling is the enzyme required to wish you bad and hope that something terrible happens to you so that they will have a reason to rejoice over your bad fate.
So, don’t allow this to ever happen. Listen to them. Encourage them to speak their minds. We know that you might have already decided what your next action will be but then, just give them the listening ear. They will respect you in return.
Learn how to say no without saying no
This might be such a difficult thing to do but then you have to apply tact here. It is not always easy to say no to people most especially when you don’t want to make them angry or disappointed in you.
To explain this more, let me remind you of a story. You remember that story in the Bible about those two boys who were sent on an errand by their father? The first accepted to run the errand but didn’t. The second refused but later went and the question was who amongst the two boys did his father’s will?
Well, the truth is that the one that refused but later went actually did but when it comes to pleasing people, the one that actually pleased his father was the one that accepted immediately but didn’t do it.
It might be strange to hear this but the fact that he accepted at first really pleased his father and if he could come up with other excuses on why he didn’t comply or fulfill his promises, you'd be surprised how much his father will be willing to accept or even make excuses for him, better than the other one who refused outright.
I know that might sound strange to you but then, be it known to you that that is exactly human nature at play.
Why is that so? Are you trying to say that it is good to promise and - fail?
Well, there's this thing called first impression and most humans judge most things by first impression. The first impression you create with someone might determine the way the person responds to you afterwards. And it can only get better if you can sustain that first impression thus created in subsequent interactions with them.
Okay, that reminds me. There's another reason why that is so.
Follow me let me you tell you now why it is so important that you master how to do this.
Tell them what they want to hear
Yes. Tell them what they want to hear. If you are intuitive and insightful enough, tactful enough and also observant enough, you will always have an idea what people want to hear.
Take my very good friend Paul for example. He wants to call it quits with his girlfriend. He tells me the girl is monitoring him so much and he wants me to tell him what to do. Paul is lousy. He knows this. The girlfriend knows this. I know it. We all know it. The thing is that Paul knows that any lady who chooses to stay and put up with his lousiness really loves him.
He’s just making those excuses not to chase the girl away but actually to know what I really thought about the girl. It was a real case of Caesar’s coin.
Guess what I did? Of course, I laughed and waited for Paul to give me the one real reason why the girl must go which he didn’t. That was when I told Paul that he should do whatever he wants to do but he should remember that it will be very difficult to find another girl who is going to understand him like her.
I guess that did it. He knew it. He just wanted to hear it from another person that his girl really loves him. Till date, he’s not given her the boot. I even heard they are now talking about marriage. That will show you the power of telling people what they want to hear!
In summary, generally, most people want to hear you tell them they are great, they want to hear that they are special and mean a lot to you. They want to hear you praise them and speak about their positives. They want to know that you are not judgmental and you wholly accept them the way they are. They want to know that you trust their judgment and choices they have made. They want to know that you do not think they are fools or stupid. Above all, they want you to give them hope or a reason/s to continue to believe in you.
Isn’t that not being cunning? Of course, of course, exactly! I never said pleasing people does not involve a certain level of deception, did I?
Be generous and kind
Kind people are usually attractive to us. We love them because we know that they will always show us kindness. You can easily see it from their faces that they are very generous.
The fact that kind people tend to care for us and show us so much love makes us very vulnerable when we are with them and we will always strive to return the love and care.
Let your kindness and selflessness speak for you. Let them know that your being generous is purely out from your heart and not because you are scheming for a payback later because once people sense that you have an agenda, they will scram or seek another way to protect themselves from your underhand manipulations.
Be free with them. Give them your time. Give them hope. Give them reasons to happy. Don’t be in the habit of highlighting their shortcomings or faults. And don’t be a complainer.
But then, you should also remember that you should not neglect the fact that people can be exploitative so you also have to make them see that you are well aware of what is going on beforehand, assuming they want to try their luck in exploiting your generosity and kindness for their own selfish gains.
Enter their spirit
By this, I mean you should be able to put yourself in their position. Put yourself in their position to be able to think like them. Try to see things from their own point of view so that you will be in the position to feel or see clearly what they are feeling or seeing.
It is not so easy to understand the other person simply because you don’t know what they feel or where they are coming from, which is why I suggest you learn to listen to them because most times, people will convey to you that type of information either from what they are saying or from their body languages.
Another reason why entering their spirit is necessary is because it gives you the opportunity to become flexible in your thinking and actions because by so doing, you will strictly learn how to avoid leading a stereotypic lifestyle which will always have a way of limiting your experiences and the intriguing lessons to be learnt about people and life in general.
Give them ample good advice
Master how to give good advice to people. Your ability to give advice shows that you are a wealth of experience and many will respect you for your knowledge.
Your advice should be very pragmatic and devoid of personal bias.
When you are giving them such advice, it will be better if you just let them know that you have no hand in what they do next as your job ends with telling them what they should know concerning the issue at hand and not necessarily what they should do because most people don’t like it when you give them orders.
They will always have reasons to return to you because they trust your judgment and opinion and they will always be pleased with you.
Be independent. Be detached and aloof. These are keys towards pleasing people. Your independence will show them that you are not going to pester them with your unending demands. They will be so much happy with you that you don’t trouble their lives. They will so much like you for that. I believe we all hate pests, huh?
Your independence will also give you that edge with which you can always appear and remain diplomatic like I mentioned before. Everybody who senses the aura created by your independence will surely become attracted to that power you possess.
Your being detached and aloof will also add a toga of mystery to your rising profile because mystery is also attractive as well as seductive. So many of them will try to come close to you or even befriend you just to know what makes you tick!
Your independence and detachment puts you in a very enviable position whereby you don’t always have to explain your actions to people, where they will start to cherish your freedom, where they instinctively know that you don't actually need them for anything, where they know that your involvement with them or whatever good you do for them does not come with a price tag.
And such things can be very pleasing to these people!
Instead of asking people for help all the time, try and see if you can become that person who will be offering them that help. If you like, you can make yourself even more powerful by making them to depend on you for help.
When you get this right, don’t be surprised when you suddenly find yourself becoming a rallying point for all these people who will be highly pleased with this individuality of yours which can also be enthralling too.
Never ask them for money
In line with being independent, it is also important that you know that you should never ask people for money. Not only is this behaviour so wearying for those you are asking for the money, it can also become disgusting at some point.
It is often said that most people are ready to be your friend – until you ask them for money.
Please don’t go there to maintain the strong relationship and rapport you have already labored so hard to build with them. Asking people for money makes you look like a beggar and most people don’t fancy beggars simply because they are takers and never givers.
So don’t be a beggar.
If you really needed the money badly, I believe you have a friend or group of friends you can ask and they will understand but you should also know that even doing such a thing with a close knit of friends will prove to be abortive at some point in time in the future.
Instead of asking them for money, why not seize the opportunity provided by that pressure and your need for money to develop a business or create a certain product or value that they will buy and by doing so, they will indirectly give you the money and they will feel better doing it that way.
Remember, your ploy is to get them to be feeling pleased with themselves – through you, of course.
I know that sometimes you might be pushed into a very tight corner where you might have no other option other than to ask someone for money and you want to know what to do in such a situation.
Now, listen to me. Go ahead and ask them. But don’t make the mistake most people make by failing to pay back on time! Don’t wait to be reminded. Unless the person giving you the money specifically mentioned that s/he is giving you the money as a present and does not need or expect you to pay him or her back, please don’t assume otherwise.
Do that to people and you’ll please them all the time!
Most people like humble people. Your humility will make you go places if you can handle it very well without appearing to be a shy, pompous, dumb, foolish or even fearful person who does not know anything.
Humility is good. It will help you to win lots and lots of friends to your side. If you are wealthy enough and yet so humble to the extent that that you are not controlled by materialism or pride, you will instantly become a big hit in the eyes of so many people who will come to adore you. These people will also be the ones that will now be blowing your trumpet for you, if there is need for that.
Your humility will also help in downplaying any huge success you have merited or earned and you will find so many people attracted to you simply because you are showing them that you are still human, no matter what, where they were expecting to see a demigod!
You may not know it but your acts of humility can also protect you from a lot of dangers like jealousy, enviousness, wickedness and so many other terrible things some evil people whom you don’t even know are hating on you might feel compelled to lay in your way just to make sure you are not trying to show them you are better than them or to expose their inadequacies or insecurities.
So, you have every reason to be humble.
Never overstay your welcome
It is very important that you learn how to avoid overstaying your welcome. It’s true some people will like you to be around them but as someone who understands the importance of pleasing people by giving them some space or privacy, you know that it is in your own best interest to be cautious of how much you spread yourself with them.
Understand that people usually associate their good or bad feelings with the person who is next to them. So it will be of your best interest to make sure that you are not with such persons when they are in a bad mood.
You can always judge a person’s mood by their mien. A warm smile, bright eyes, and open body language all suggests a jovial mood and such a person in this mood will most likely accept your company at such times.
One other reason why you should always know when your time is up is that it is always good to leave when the ovation is highest because that is when you will be remembered the most. It will enable you to create an everlasting impression on their minds.
Remember, pleasing people is not just about when you are with them. You can also project the good feeling you've created to be around them even when you are not present with them.
Keep their secrets by becoming their confidant
People will like you if you can learn how to keep their secrets. It is often difficult for most people to keep secret either because people are compulsive in saying things that first comes to their minds or they don't just understand the importance of the secret being entrusted upon them to keep. It doesn’t even get better in our world today when gossips are becoming so easy to spread with social networking.
You have to know one thing. Your ability to keep secret will also mean that you are very trustworthy. It shows that you can be depended upon. It shows that you are reasonable and you know that some secrets will come back to harm you if you are the one that disclosed them in the first place, most especially, if those secrets or allegations turns out to be a fallacy.
People want someone whom they can trust with their secrets. Please them by being that person.