How to Recover When Your Significant Other Cheats
When you first find love, your heart seems like it soars and you focus on the bright and happy side of things. It seems your partner can do no wrong. The problem with this scenario is that there is a good chance that while your head is in the clouds, theirs is focused on someone else's cloud.
When your partner cheats on you, it will devastate you, bring your mind to dark places, and make you want to exact revenge. However we do not want this. Instead let me walk with you during this path and lets find a calmer solution.
How Love Can Be Blind
During the bliss stages of any relationship, we often turn our heads to any signs that our partners show. I know when I met my girlfriend last year, I did not even try to look for faults. I just felt lucky to have this beautiful woman by my side. We made plans for how our future would be and we were working towards our goals.
Life was grand and I was totally happy. Then one day the disaster hit. It started when she lost her job. My initial reaction was ok that is bad but we can work through this. The money was very tight but I did what I had to to keep us going. My hours were long, my body was exhausted, and I kept pushing myself.
One day after work, she called me saying she needed to tell me something. I was worried, as this can never be good news. So I was very anxious for the next hour till I saw her. She was not sure how to tell me, so finally she just blurted it out that she was pregnant and she had been seeing her ex while I was away at work.
I had so many thoughts and feelings, I did not even know where to start. I couldn't even answer because I did not want to say what was in my mind. I was working overtime to make sure she was well taken care of and while I was away at work, she was seeing her ex....the reasoning was well I was not there and he gave her emotional support. It was a mistake and she was sorry.
For me, that is a huge mistake and that sorry has a lot placed on it. I should have seen it coming though, since she was off of work, and I was working twice the hours, I didnt see much of her. And now I wish I had looked for the signs when they were happening. Hindsight truly is a 20/20 thing!
As this article continues, I will explore some details and then a solution that anyone reading this may need. I know it helped me recover very quickly.
Light At The End of The Tunnel
This is a very long tunnel we travel on this road of recovery. It may not be as bad for some people, but we all have to go through this tunnel.
When it starts, we feel rejected, angry, bitter, maybe even homicidal. Whatever the feeling that goes through your mind, just know that this will get better. When it happened to me, I felt nothing at all. My mind could not process the information and in the end I did not respond at all. In fact, it was not till the day after that I truly grasped what was said and what happened.
One of my friends really helped me out when they told me that the best way to get over it is to not let the thought consume you. The more time you spend on that thought the angrier you will become. What happens next is your mind will start to formulate a plan of revenge. Once this happens you may be past a point of help.
Remember, you do not want to go to jail or do anything that you will regret for the rest of your life. Once they cheat, the ball is now in your court. The next move you make will put into motion a very emotional chain of events. Your choices are actually simple, do I stay or do I leave?
Surround Yourself With Positivity
Depression can sink in when you feel vulnerable and through depression you might end up doing something crazy. It is not uncommon to hear about someone crying uncontrollably, doing things that normally wouldn't, becoming very aggressive, or even committing suicide.
You have to break the chains that bind you! Negative energy feeds off all these things and the more time you spend around those thoughts, the harder it will be to get yourself back from that dark place. Go out with your friends, watch a funny movie or TV show, eat out at a restaurant you enjoy, or go for a walk in nature. Whatever it takes to take you out of your depression zone and put your mind into a state of peace and happiness.
You will learn the happiness can be contagious. A little laugh will go a long way toward your healing. But once you feel better, you still have one very important choice to make.....
Do You Take Them Back Or Break Up?
Once you get your head clear, it is time to make the big decision. Do you want to keep the relation going or end it?
I wish there was an easy answer to this question. The only real way to figure out what answer to give is to look into your heart. Look at the good times, look at the bad times, and look at everything in between. If the good outweigh the bad, then that means that you can forgive and continue. But one word of caution is that it happened once before, it can very well happen again. Also, if you forgive, then forget as well. If you keep bringing up the cheating then it means you never truly forgave and that you still hold anger. At that point, it would be easiest to just walk away than to keep telling yourself a lie.
If you choose to break up, then you will move on your way, nothing really to say there lol.
Could you forgive your partner if they cheated?
Revenge sex what happens when you decide to have sex just to make your partner feel the same way you do. This is a very low road to take and even if you feel like crap, there is no need to have revenge sex for any reason.
You bring another person into the situation, and you run the risk of everything to blow up right in your face. If it is just someone off the street you met, you could run the risk of STD, not to mention now you are the one having to live a lie and when you stay inside of a lie for too long you start to loose touch with reality.
Personally, I would say if sex is where you want to go, watch a porn movie and get it out of your system. Then after its over you wont have it on your mind that you cheated to get revenge on a cheater. It is just as easy to break up and move on so you wont be cheating at all.
Where To Go Next?
Take time for yourself. Just do things you like to do and don't let this situation consume you. Hang out with friends and family and remember at the end of the day, you did nothing wrong. You cannot control the actions of other people. We want to think we can, but we have no say at all over what goes on in their mind.
Your partner could cheat for any number of reasons. But if they never voiced a concern or dislike, then there is no way you would know that you needed to change or that the situation was not in their liking.
The ball is always in your court. The question is what will you do now?