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How to Relight the Romantic Fire in Your Marriage

Updated on May 29, 2012

Do you remember the day you recited your wedding vows? It was without a doubt one of, if not the happiest and most memorable days of your life. But something has begun to change and you’ve noticed that the flame of your romance is not as hot as it was then, and because the light has grown dim you’re having a bit of trouble reading the rules of maintaining a good healthy romantic relationship in your marriage.

Here’s how you can relight that ever so important fire of romance that once fueled the marriage bond between your spouse and you. But before you strike the match you must settle in your mind that men and women are built quite differently. Men are by nature protectors and providers and are built to respond to logic before emotion, and women on the other hand, are concerned more with details than logic. Here’s what I mean:

If I were to call my friend John to confirm an appointment on Thursday of next week, as soon as John answers the phone I would go straight to the point which is, “Are we still on for our appointment on next Thursday?” But if Sandra were to make the same call to her friend Marcy, she would more than likely ask about each of her three children and her husband Michael before finally getting down to the reason for her call, which is to confirm their appointment for next Thursday.

So starting with the men, here are some simple rules you might want to adapt in your marriage that could yield surprising results.


Although it is not the biggest problem in failing relationships, listening is certainly worthy of being called one of the biggest problems of most failing relationships. This simply means that at least one of the people in the relationship is not very good at listening. Most often it is the man – and even if it is the woman who has a problem with listening, men, you know we’re the ones who get labeled for not listening. So you might as well learn the art of being a good listener. Here’s how:

Now as a male I can tell you that listening can sometimes be the most difficult and challenging of challenges in a marriage and this is why I refer to listening as an art . Fellas, it is extremely important that you learn how to listen to your wife when she is conversing with you. This is one of the ways she vents the frustration of her trouble filled day. She simply wants to be heard. You either listen to the frustration or become an addition to the things that are frustrating her.

As I said, listening is an art, and art takes time to perfect. The key to being a good listener is in the mindset of the listener. You should listen not only to hear what your wife is saying, but listen to understand what she is saying. Even if what she is saying is not important to you at the moment, in time it will become useful information, trust me on this.

Don’t Forget the Gifts!

Sometimes we get so overwhelmed with the everyday struggles of life until we often forget the little things that give so much meaning to our lives. Growing up as a child I remember the many gifts that my parents gave to me, but looking back, the big, expensive gifts are not as memorable as the little, seemingly insignificant ones. Like the time my parents gave me a pencil with the words “genius” inscribed on it because the kids in my 3rd grade class called me stupid. Every time I felt stupid, I pulled that pencil from my book bag and I felt like a genius.

One good way to light a romantic fire is to stop on your way home from work and buy your wife a gift, any kind of gift. It doesn’t have to be a diamond ring, although that would be a nice gift if you could afford it. Your gift could simply be it a card or some chocolates – but not the chocolates – you might get blamed later for the extra weight gain (just kidding ladies!) . Gifts of any kind are always romantic, and bringing home a gift is one of the kindest gestures that a man could make to his wife. The gift, no matter what it is, simply says to your wife, “I’ve been thinking about you”. Just remember men, romance starts with a thought.

Here are two well appreciated gifts that will rekindle that romantic fire:

Cleaning the kitchen – It has been said that romance begins in the kitchen. Fellas this does not necessarily apply to fondling your wife in the kitchen. Have you ever considered cleaning the kitchen every now and then? Such action will let you spouse know that you care about the daily events of her life and you really appreciate the hard work that she contributes to the family.

Time alone – Giving the gift of spending time alone should be utilized by both spouses. Both husbands and wives need time alone and allowing your spouse to spend time alone on a regular basis is a thoughtful gift that will not go unrecognized. This is certainly one gift that will do a lot for strengthening your marriage. All too often partners in a marriage are not afforded quality time alone to do things that they each want to do for themselves. This should not only be included on your gift list but it should be added to your list of things to do to keep the romantic fire burning in your marriage.

Now it’s your turn ladies!

We have just learned that the display of love and affection is at the top of your list of the beginning of a romantic encounter, but what about your husband? What is the principle motivating factor that ignites his furnace of romance?


Contrary to what you believe, men are romantic too. They’re just slower starters than women, but once you get your man rolling, he’s sure to sweep you off your feet the way he did before you were married.

To begin with, just about any woman you ask would say that men are predictable. Although men are capable of dealing with several projects in their thought process at one time, when it comes to their spouses they think singular. For example, what women call romance, men interpret as sex. So ladies, just how do you get your husband to be that romantic guy that you married in a way that pleases both you and him?

For starters, try going back to the time in your relationship before your glorious wedding day, to the time when you were dating. Do you remember the walks in the park, dates to the movies and to dinner?

Then remember this: the things that made for a good romantic beginning are the same things that you’ve got to do to keep that romantic flame burning. Try holding your husband’s hand when you walk through the mall the way you used to; spend more time together, alone, like you did before the kids were born, and you’ll be amazed at how romantic he can be.


Now here’s a word that irritates a lot of married women, but respect is somewhat of a missing element in many of today’s marriages. Women are driven by love whereas men are driven by respect.

To a lot of women the very mention of the word respect is like a dirty word. The perception of respect that many women have been taught is that it has to do with being subservient to men. But respect does not mean that you have to bow down to your husband, it simply means that you should value his role of leadership and position of strength in the marriage. Respect him now, and he will romanticize you later.

To sum it all up for both men and women romance has nothing to do with sex, but it has everything to do with the moments before sex. To women romance is emotional; to men it is interpreted as sex. But even the sex is better when you give it your all.

Romance… what a beautiful thing!


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