You Are Unconsciously Destroying Your Marriage -- Here's the Solution
A Serious Problem You Need to Be Aware of
Lately, I have come to realize that many people are unconsciously or unintentionally destroying their marriage by doing something they should not be doing in the first place. This is a rather serious problem that they not only need to be aware of, but also should immediately try to address before it's too late.
During one of my weekly bible study sessions, in which we were discussing the subject --- unforgiveness, I asked the attendees if any of them have ever been hurt in a relationship, and if so, what was the cause of the hurt; was it due to something their partner had done, or was it related to something he/she had said?
It turned out that there were people who have been hurt, and consequently divorced, due to their partner's action, as well as the things that were being said to them.
One of the general conclusions I immediately drew from this discussion, is that most of the times when a marriage go awry, it’s either due to one of the following:
1.One partner DID something that did not meet the other's approval
2.One partner SAID something that the other didn't approve of
However, in this hub I will be discussing not only the potential danger of the things that are being said or verbalized( to your marriage)but also the "only" solution.
The Common Problem in a Lot of Marriages
One of the reasons many marriages are falling apart, is simply because some spouses have been saying bitter things to their significant other or to each other, out of rage. These remarks, or verbal attacks(verbal abuse) are sometimes so hurtful that they are creating deep psychological and emotional wounds which usually result not only in months or even years of unforgiveness, but also prolonged period of resentment, and unhappiness.
The Negative Consequences
This prolong period of resentment, and unhappiness often lead to separation or sometimes painful long drawn out expensive divorce, and ultimately the breakup of a happy marriage. Often, child custody battles may even come into play.
For those individuals who are having problems dealing with anger (or taming the tongue), If you can learn to control your anger or just think before you say inappropriate or bitter things that could potentially hurt the other party's feelings, most of these bitterness, resentment and consequently divorce, can be avoided. Because words, once spoken, can't be taken back, you need to think before you say hurtful things to your significant other.
The Positive Consequences
If you just try to be always mindful of the things you say out of rage to your spouse, or to each other, you can prevent losing or leaving your family(wife and children you love so dearly) behind, or even living with regrets for the rest of your life. You can also avoid having to deal with the financial stress, and loneliness that often accompany divorce. Why sacrifice your happiness for sadness?
How to Control Your Tongue
You may ask yourself the question, but how can I control my tongue? The answer to this is simple,yet somewhat profound! According to the Holy Bible, the tongue is uncontrollable. No man can tame his tongue(on his own)! This you can find in James 3:7-8, which reads as follow:
"For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison." Our tongue has to be taught what it can or cannot say.
Pray to God
Only God can help you to tame the tongue, so like Job you have to ask God to teach you to hold your tongue. Job 6:24 reads as follow:
"Teach me, and I will hold my tongue: and cause me to understand wherein I have erred.” You can also use this same quote above, whenever you pray. However, not only should you ask God to help you, you should also make an effort. Here in the following verse Job is making a pledge:
Job 27:4 --"My lips shall not speak wickedness, nor my tongue utter deceit." You can repeat this verse each time your are tempted to say bitter things. You can also repeat Proverb 15:1 "A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger."
There are so many scriptures in the bible that make reference to the tongue as being a deadly weapon; so ladies and gentlemen/husband and wife, the bottom line is this simple --- at all times, you should be very careful not only of what you say to each other, but also how you say what you say!