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How to See Red Flags in a Relationship

Updated on May 22, 2013


Learn the signs of an abusive relationship.  Understand that people are not always what they appear.  Learn how to uncover possible future abuse.  Stop justifying all the negative signs in relationships that sparrow you into unhappiness and fear.


Before Entering Into any Relationships.

You meet someone and their is an attraction between you. You know what you want but you really don't know what the other person wants in a relationship. After all you don't know this person so you aim to find out about this person.

The best way to get to know someone is to be friends first. During this stage you should not focus upon only that person. You should be spending time with other friends and making new friends while getting to know this person.

Red Flags: The new relationship takes to much time away from your other friends. Expresses they don't like certain friends of yours. Basically picking your friends for you. Tells you your spending to much time with your childhood best friend. It don't matter if your best friend is the opposite sex. Your best friends has been their your whole life. Your new relationship should not feel intimidated by your best friend or jealous.

Healthy Relationship: New relationships encourages you to spend time with your friends never enter-fears specially with your best friend. Never tries to cause trouble between you and your friends. Never makes you feel badly about spending time with your friends.

Get to Know this Person

See what types of people this person associates with because this will tell you a lot before you decide to commit to this person in anyway. Their friends reflects how they really are in reality. Example: if most of their friends have a positive contribution to society and live normal productive lives chances are they will live productive lives if not their at least trying to have friends that have a positive influence on them.

If most of their friends have a negative influence on them like always jobless don't seem to care about a future,has no respect for others. Chances are this new relationship will drag you down or worse. You might find yourself in jail or ripped off.

Red flags to Look for in New Relationships.

Still lives with a parent or parents for no valid reason.

Put one or both parents on a pedestal. Relies on a parent to do things for them they can easily do themselves. Example: laundry

Someone who cannot get a drivers license because of to many speeding ticks or D.U.I.'s.

Jealous for no valid reason. Accuses you of stuff you wouldn't or didn't do but demands you did without any proof. Looks for reasons to be jealous. Has outburst of jealousy for things they have no reason to be jealous about.

Seems to be irritated if questioned about their family. No chance of meeting any of their family members. They are hiding something in their past they don't want you to know about their past. Like maybe they're a sex offender or worse. Maybe their family has rejected them for a good reason. Find out before you commit to this person.

What they say matters but what you say doesn't kind of like be seen not heard. Your opinion doesn't matter.

Someone who knows everything but really don't no much at all. Has nothing to show for what they know.

Stay away from a relationship when a person seems to have a problem with the opposite sex. Someone who says lots of negative things about the opposite sex. Expresses in a hateful way how stupid men or women are and how they should never be this or that because they are a man or women.

Prejudice: if they hate people from a different race to the point where you actually feel uncomfortable with their views about other races.

Someone who never lets go of the past. Keeps reliving the past never talks about tomorrow. You will never have a future with this person because you will never get them out of the past.

Someone who drinks too much often become violent. There lives always revolves around drinking then you will wound up being there caretaker.

If your friends dislikes this person find out why and take what they say as a warning.

If you have any fear in the relationship do not continue leave.

They avoid bring you around their friends.  They are either hiding something or they are  embarrassed of you.


Make sure you do not ignore the red flags. Red flags are anything that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable or less then.

Always take the time to get to know the person. Get to know they're friends and family.

Listen to your own instinct.


Their is no excuse for:  Do not justify their behavior.

Constantly apologizes but repeats the same actions.

Sudden outburst of anger.

Slamming things down.

Breaking thing in anger.

Raising their fist at you.

Accuse you of cheating.

Hitting and Shoving


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    • Laura in Denver profile image

      Laura Deibel 5 years ago from Aurora

      I liked this, Tamron. Every action is a clue to character. But there are Jeckyl and Hyde people with alcohol or drugs.

    • Levertis Steele profile image

      Levertis Steele 5 years ago from Southern Clime

      Hopefully, a person won't be so blindly stricken to see these signs before it is too late.

      This is a great hub. Thanks for sharing.

    • CM Sullivan profile image

      CM Sullivan 6 years ago from California

      The person you are describing here sounds like a straight out sociopath or psychopath! I would hope someone could tell if they were dating one. :) Vote up.

    • Neil Sperling profile image

      Neil Sperling 6 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

      Great tips..... as long as the tips do not promote judgements. best thing I find is following your own heart -- listen to it and do what it says - argue with it and for sure you will be going the wrong direction.


    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 6 years ago from North Carolina

      Coming from a man's perspective I can only agree with everything you've written. I have seen many relationships falter over the negative things some men can do...and women too. Wise tips, advice and warnings Tamron.