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How to Stay Friends With Your Ex

Updated on May 30, 2019
EvieSparkes profile image

Evie Sparkes is a published novelist, content writer and company director from the UK.

When You Want to Remain Friends With Your Ex?

If you are hanging onto the hope that your ex will fall in love with you again if only you can stay friends, you might be heading for a whole lot of hurt. You have split for a reason, whether you agree with their reasoning or not. When we attempt to keep hold of someone we love by pretending that we are quite okay with the friendship thing, we close ourselves off to other opportunities and we lay ourselves wide open to being used.

Being desperate to get back together with your ex means that you might become his or her go-to, when there is nobody else in the picture. You might end up feeling used and in the end, you'll find your self-esteem decreasing. Being anyone's plan B can only lead to heart-ache.

If you are holding onto them by offering a friendship that might end up being very one- sided, it's wise to think again, take the inevitable pain of the break-up and give yourself some breathing space. If you are in a good place a few months later, and friendship is still an option, then this is the time to give it a try, but only if you are reconciled to the fact that it's over and that you might well have to see them with another at some point. Can you handle that?

Is Your Ex Your Friend Already?

Are you and your ex great mates? Did you simply run out of steam as a couple but still have loads in common and enjoy each other's company? If this is the case then why not stay friends?

Good friends are hard to find, so one that you already knows you inside-out and who cares about you shouldn't be disregarded just because you are no longer sleeping together. Ask your ex if he or she would like to remain friends. If you are both in agreement, you might well find yourselves becoming closer (in the non-sexual sense) and find a really deep appreciation of one another as people.

Some ex-couples remain friends and some even close friends. I was speaking to a guy the other say who has been divorced for ten years and still pops round to his ex-wife for breakfast or just to read the paper!


Do You Have Kids With Your Ex?

Kids make a break-up a whole different ball game. The ideal scenario is one where you are friendly towards each other and respectful. You both understand that kids come first and whatever your feelings, they should not be subjected to them. The chances of you being able to stay good friends are probably slim at the moment. That's not to say it won't happen later-on.

I have seen too many couples dragging their children into their personal battles with one-another and I want to shake them. You may not even think you are letting them see what's going on between you, but there's a good chance they know. Children are very perceptive.

A friendly break-up is desirable when kids are involved. Just because you don't love each other anymore, it doesn't mean you have to hate each other. Think of your own well-being if your partner is being difficult. Shouting and screaming at them will only impact negatively on your health.

What Are The Benefits of Maintaining a Friendship?

Friendship can be a wonderful thing for couples that are no longer romantically involved. Where there is respect and love of a platonic kind there can be friendship. If you do have children together, then this really is a fantastic way to help them accept their new situation.

You might like doing the same things, perhaps you like the same movies, TV programs, have mutual friends and generally have fun in each other's company. Why then would you want to throw that away just because you no longer have romantic feelings towards each other?

As with every friendship, this one will take some work. You are transitioning from one sort of relationship to a completely different kind and there will be some adjustment necessary. As long as you both want the friendship to work it can.

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