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How to Stop Dating Jerks and Start Dating Gentlemen

Updated on July 4, 2012

Whether you are 70, 35 or 16, most women make the mistake of dating a jerk at one point in time or another. I hate to dissapoint you but the truth is, no guy, will be exactly the same as when you first meet him. He may open doors and watch his manners and mouth on your first date but in a few years (if you go that far) things will change somewhat. He will fart around you and maybe even tell you about his bowel movements. I'm sorry but this is just the nature of long-term relationships. However, you should always have boundaries you refuse to let your partner cross.

Before you go out and try to find someone, the most important thing is to find independance and feel like no matter what, you can be alone if need be. The reason for this is, if you find a jerk again and get into a relationship without feeling you could be independent, you most likely won't leave that individual or will at least find it difficult to do so.

Find what you just won't put up with. First off, no matter who you are or what you're like, you should never be okay with a man putting his hands on you. So now, you should have your first bottom line. Are you okay with living with someone who doesn't bathe regularly? How about someone who smokes or drinks? Does he really have to be a hopeless romantic or can you be okay with a guy who shows he loves you just by being with you and making you happy?

Don't create unrealistic goals, he won't come home every night and rub your feet, make you dinner, say everything right and bring you roses every week. Look at how you usually choose your partners, do you go to bars or date online? Do you go home with the first guy who calls you pretty or does he have to lie about his life and make himself sound rich before you'll give him the time of day?

Be approachable but not overly eager. You're better off looking for an individual who hasn't been talking to anything with a chest. Take things slow, find out if he has a job, if not has he been applying, does he have interviews and heck, do you care? If he doesn't have a job and has yet to have any interviews for a year or more, chances are it will be a while before he gets back in the ring, if at all. Find out if he lives on his own, with his parents or has he been hopping between friend's houses. Does he have morals? Do they match up with your bottom line?

If you find a guy who you believe meets your criteria, don't hop in the sack with him on your first date, a good rule is at least 3 dates. If you have been dating a while and he starts to transition back into a more true version of himself and he stops meeting your criteria, let him go. There are many more men who would love to have you, no matter your size, shape, race or personality. There is no point in making a bottom line criteria if you won't stick to it. I know it can be nice to just enjoy having a companion and it may seem worth it to put up with his fatal flaws for the ability to have someone beside you at night but chances are you will regret that later.

Try to be honest with yourself about the situation, don't try to make yourself like someone you find you just don't. Once you make your bottom line criteria, stick to it no matter what. Don't change it just because you think it's okay this guy is cute enough to overlook that he still lives with his family. I hope that this helps and if you have more insight or want to dispute my advice, leave me a comment.

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    • thatchjl profile image

      thatchjl 5 years ago from Dayton, Ohio

      Here's some good advice, everyone should take it and go with it. Be yourself, be independent. Mark Twain said it best Never allow someone be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option". More good advice!

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