ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How to Tell if She’s a Drama Queen or a Friend in Need

Updated on February 22, 2016

We’ve all had those tumultuous friendships, the ones that seem to be nothing but ups and downs and excitement at every turn. Sometimes it can be fun, and other times it can be exhausting. There’s nothing wrong with befriending someone whose life is more adventurous than average, but how can you tell the difference between someone who is including you in the excitement of their life, and someone who is dragging you along in a game of drama and manipulation?



In basic terms, it all depends on the intent of the other person, which can often be tricky to determine. Everyone needs a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on from time to time, and indeed that’s what friends are for — to be there for each other in good times and in bad. But when it starts to seem like every event in this person’s life becomes an excuse to involve you in a way that you’re not comfortable with, you have to ask yourself if she sees the friendship as a two-way street, or if your main purpose in her eyes is to be there when she needs something.

Trust Your Instincts

In the end, you have to go with your gut instinct. It is important to determine what you expect out of the friendship, both in terms of your own needs, and how you see the relationship as its own entity. Do you find yourself energized by this friendship, or exhausted by it? Is the drama exciting, or draining? Are you giving up a lot of what you want so that your friend can have what she wants? If she doesn’t get what she wants in terms of attention, does she manipulate the situation so that the spotlight is always on her? There is a subtle difference between someone who honestly needs a lot of help and is willing to help in return, and someone whose game it is to manipulate others into doing what they want. If you’ve started to feel like it’s mostly take and very little give on her part, ask yourself if it’s because she keeps getting in legitimate binds, or rather because she has become accustomed to playing the role of protagonist, with you as her trusty sidekick.

Caution Hasty Decisions

Of course, if you have decided that this friendship isn’t what you thought it could be, that doesn’t necessarily spell out the end for the two of you. It seems that more and more, people think of others as disposable — if a friendship isn’t perfect, even a long-term one, you can just bail out and find another friend. Yes, you can do that, but this is not like trading in an old car for a better model. People each have their own perspectives, and it’s possible that your friend just doesn’t see the situation the same way that you do. Perhaps her intent was not to harm the friendship or manipulate you, but certainly she needs to be made aware of how you perceive the situation. After you have cleared the air, hopefully things will make a turn for the better. If they don’t, however, then you have to start weighing the benefits of the friendship against the toll it is taking on your mental and emotional health.

True Friends Can Handle Truth

Friendships don’t have to run at an even keel all the time, and of course it would be boring if they did. It can often be difficult to notice the difference between a friend legitimately needing you and a friend manipulating you, but if you’re starting to feel like being around your friend is more of a struggle than a pleasure, it may be time to reassess the situation and let your feelings be known. Maybe it will work out, or maybe at won’t, but at least your friend will know where you stand, and you can move forward with the knowledge that you have done everything you can. After all, good friends don’t come along all that often, so it’s worth giving your friendship every possible chance of making it through the difficult times.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)