- Gender and Relationships
How to Tell if You Need to Find a New Group of Friends
Friends are like clothes - sometimes we outgrow them, or something in our lives change and we find ourselves not connecting anymore. We exercise patience, because we're friends, but, there are moments of quiet disregard. In the past when there was nothing to say, we accepted the silence, and it was fine. But now, the silence is an uncomfortable static that reminds us that we no longer have anything to talk about.
It's easier if a friend betrays your trust, then you can just write him/her off as history. Sometimes, we are forced to find new friends, divorce does that, or a move that's hundreds of miles away.
In this hub, we will cover the following topics:
- Good Friends and Bad Friends
- What is Friendship?
- Making New Friends
- Friends with Benefits Good or Bad
Good Friends and Bad Friends
I think at one point in everyone's life you will have good friends and bad friends - why in the world would anyone have bad friends? Let's discuss this further...
We all have friends that are... eh, and we all have good friends, but why would we ever want bad friends? Sometimes bad friends enter into our lives because one of our friends left the door open and they snuck in under the radar. Sometimes our bad friends are good friends with one of our peers, but you can't stand them. You remain civil with each other because of your mutual friend.
With bad friends, you can dance around the outside edges of being mean to each other, but just staying within the 'friends' parameters. Here are a few examples below of how bad friends might react to certain situations that you may be facing.
A Good friend will...
A Bad friend will...
A picture of you naked surfaces
prevent anyone from seeing it.
promote it and show your mom.
You sneak into the house at 4am
check to see if the coast is clear.
throw a pack of firecrackers and tell your mom.
You are drunk out of your mind
make sure you don't do anything stupid.
film you and put you on youtube... and tell your mom.
Your other half is cheating on you;
be by your side to comfort you.
be out looking for that person with a few other bad friends to make things right... and tell your mom.
What is Friendship?
Friendship can be as simple as you want it to be, or it can be the most complex relationship that you'll ever have with another human being. Your friendship may make your spouse or partner jealous, and they may secretly admire some of the things that you share in your friendship that may be absent in your relationship.
I don't think I've ever been in a relationship when I was friends with a girl before we got serious... come to think of it, I don't know of anyone that were friends - I mean good friends with a person before they became involved. It doesn't count if one of them is in love with the other but the other is with someone else - that's not friendship, that's unrealized relationship.
For some - and I think I would fall into this category - their spouse is their best friend. I say this because I really don't have any friends, I have work buddies, but I'm always with my wife - that's the person that I want to spend time with. She's taken the place of all my friends, and I've been through everything with her. I think friendship - true friendship, is someone that you love as much as you love your spouse or partner, but on a different level.
You would do anything for your friend as you would with your family, and you would never have to choose between the two because your friend 'is' your family.
Making New Friends
I've said it before, but if you want to make friends, don't set out looking to make friends, just let it happen by itself. Treat people with respect, be approachable, smile (not scowl) a lot. People like being with other people that are generally happy - heck, even unhappy people like being with happy people - they just won't admit it.
If you are being yourself, and not trying to be someone that you're not, friends will just sort of attach themselves to you. Running into the same person over and over again just opens the communication because it becomes ridiculous to not notice someone - more ridiculous to even pretend.
It starts off with small talk that eventually gets longer until you find things that you have mutual interests, and before too long, you've got yourself a friend. Easy, it just takes a little time.
Do you know couples that were good friends before they became lovers?
Friends with Benefits Good or Bad
This is such a very delicate term to toss about loosely. It is the agreement between two people that consider each other, less than a friend for the mutual trade off of sex. I mean, you can still care for each other, but clearly, when you enter into this relationship, you are actually saying that I like you as a friend, but not enough to be my girlfriend or boyfriend.
It's kind of a thing that you would only object to as you grow wiser, and understand what relationships really mean in your life. I speak from experience, because I was involved with someone years back when I was still young and foolish. We had made arrangements, and agreements, but for some reason, we never acted on it. I think deep down inside, I knew that I was being selfish by not doing any of the building in a relationship, and just reaping the benefits of the relationship.
Only now that I've come to terms and understanding with what it means to be in a 'real' loving and nurturing relationship am I thankful that nothing developed further.
But, this is something that you would have to decide upon, but I caution, that eventually - as in every relationship, someone gets hurt. The worst part of it is, if things go bad, you not only lose a partner, you lose a friend too.