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How to Truly Let Someone Go

Updated on September 8, 2015

The Realization

So you've had your heart broken. You've watched all the Nicholas Sparks movies,cried all the tears, and eaten all the ice cream. Now, it's time to get off the couch and get your life back together. You know that. Your friends know that. Heck, your neighbor down the street with the puppy knows it. But you're stuck. It seems the harder you try, the more you fail. You've tried and tried to get him/her out of your head but you find yourself constantly checking their social media page to see if they've found someone else,gotten married, and had 3 kids yet.Here's a list of steps to get you started on the right track.

Step 1. Don't Do It

Don't. You're going to want to stalk them, You're going to convince yourself that you NEED to talk to them..for "closure". You're going to want to strategically place yourself in areas where you know they will see you and have to "deal with what they lost". I repeat-don't. Yes, nothing sucks more than a breakup. I know how hard it is to consider the fact that this person you dedicated yourself to for what feels like forever may replace you with someone..better.I know how much it hurts to see someone you're crying over be perfectly fine and dandy without you-like you never mattered to them at all. I know what it feels like to miss someone so much it literally hurts. And I also know that fantasizing about getting back together and scheming to make him/her realize they're making the "biggest mistake of their lives" only makes it worse when the raw,brutal truth finally hits you-it's over. They're actually not coming back. They technically do have every right to move on..and so do you. This doesn't just apply to recent breakups. I know there are some loves that die extremely hard. Maybe you're someone who lost your love months or years ago but you still find yourself comparing potential S.O.'s to your ex. This also applies to you. If you still haven't let them go, it's because you skipped this part of the process from the beginning. It's time to let go now-it will be okay.

Step 2. Take Them off that Dern Pedestal!

Our brains are evil,merciless things and tend to only remember the wonderful,Disney-status moments from our past relationships. Let's be real. Even if the person you were with is as close to Jesus as it gets, they're still not perfect. It's of the utmost importance to remember both the bad and the good, because then you will be free from putting all the blame on yourself. Think about it-if you keep reminding yourself that you ex was an angel, then any problems in the relationship couldn't have been caused by them, right? WRONG!It takes two to tango, love. Remember the: negative things,the hurtful things,the ugly things. Not to torture yourself-but to free yourself. This might help you realize that your loss really isn't as bad as you originally thought. By the end, you might even feel like you really dodged a bullet with this one. I'm not saying that the person you were with was a horrible person-they could've been Mother Theresa-status for all I know. However, that doesn't mean that he or she was perfect..for you. Think about it.

Step 3. Treat Yo'Self!

It's impossible to just quit something cold turkey. You're used to texting someone 24/7-to someone always saying sweet nothings to you and always having someone to confide in. To go from all that to nothing is going to drive you crazy.. UNLESS you take necessary steps to ensure your sanity. Find a really good friend that you can talk to whenever (and I mean WHENEVER) you're feeling extra lonely. Don't feel bad about moments when it feels like too much to handle on your own-we're only human. You're normal. Also,make note of the times when it's hardest for you. If it's at night right before you fall asleep, start watching a movie every night or find a good Skype buddy you can talk to for awhile. The point is-do what you have to do. Everyone thinks there's a certain amount of pure agony and pain that follows a breakup before you can even think about experiencing happiness again and that's just not true. I'm not saying it doesn't suck or that you're not going to miss the person like crazy. However, that doesn't mean you have to mope around for a few months before you really start the healing process. Paint your nails. Buy a new video game or a nice outfit. Eat some bittersweet dark chocolate (hehe bittersweet-see what I did there?) Do something small every single day that makes you happy. It will give you something to look forward to each day which is SO important when you're dealing with so much loss.

Step 4.Believe in Yourself

In conclusion, yes breakups do suck but there is hope. There are things you can do to cushion the blow and make them suck signifcantly less. Be real with yourself and with your friends. Also, don't feel bad about unloading on your friends-that's literally what friends are for. And please don't beat yourself up if you slip up once or twice and hit up your ex or have a tub of ice cream in their honor-life happens. You're going through enough. To be honest, it's all just part of the process. Just make sure that those moments continually happen less and less as time goes by. Be strong now,love-it gets better. And soon enough, you'll be stronger and happier and wiser because of this experience. In the meantime, be your real,wonderful,authentic self and everything else will eventually fall into place. Remember, just because one person doesn't see your worth anymore,doesn't mean it's not there.

"A masterpiece is still a masterpiece even when all the lights are off and everyone has left the room."

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    • Imani Jane profile image
      Author

      Imani Jane 2 years ago

      Yes ma'am. Self-love is of the utmost importance!

    • Safari Chic profile image

      Marlene 2 years ago from FL.

      Good tips & suggestions. In many cases, they do come back once they see you have really moved on and happy without them in your life. And if there happens to be another guy in the picture then they will try to win you over again. You have to start by loving yourself and treating yourself right as you mention in your hub. That is the most important thing.

    • ThatMommyBlogger profile image

      Missy 2 years ago from The Midwest

      Thanks, Imani Jane. I really appreciate it. I'll check out your other article this evening.

    • Imani Jane profile image
      Author

      Imani Jane 2 years ago

      I think my article about "Why it's Okay not being "That Girl"" might also be beneficial to you :)

    • Imani Jane profile image
      Author

      Imani Jane 2 years ago

      Thank you so much for sharing. I know that took a lot of courage. I am truly sorry for what has happened to you. That man does not deserve you in any way. No lady deserves to be treated that way. I pray you continue to find healing from loved ones and your support system at Church. You are so strong and such an encouragment for realizing how you should be treated and then doing something about it. I'm so glad my post could help you even if it was in a small way. May God bless you!

    • ThatMommyBlogger profile image

      Missy 2 years ago from The Midwest

      Great post. I've been having a hard time moving on from my kids' father. He moved out 3.5 years ago, but we spent the next few years "working on things". I finally realized that "working on things" meant he treated me just like a girlfriend, minus the commitment. He swore he was only with me, but I learned he had someone else...and he's still dating her now.

      She knew about me, but I didn't know about her. Before I blocked her on social media, she used to send me messages bragging about her "fantastic relationship" with him. He has taken her on 3 vacations, and they've only been together a few months. I had to wait 6 years to take a vacation with him, although he took more than 10 without me while we were together.

      He paid $0 for shared bills while we were together and was really just a bum, but I was young and naive. I wanted to keep my family together. He spends tons of money on her and takes her on lots of expensive dates.

      I've had a hard time getting over him because I don't understand why he is so nice to someone he barely knows when he was so cruel to me. I also hated feeling like I lost my last shot at having a family with someone (my daughter has a different father, so now I have 3 kids with 2 guys). I joined a group at church, and that has helped me finally take some major steps toward moving on.

      Thanks for sharing this post. I wish I had read this years ago. Take care.

    • Imani Jane profile image
      Author

      Imani Jane 2 years ago

      Thank you love! I'm so glad I could help :)

    • Sunnyglitter profile image

      Sunnyglitter 2 years ago from Cyberspace

      This was perfect and exactly what I needed to read today. I've been struggling with this lately. Thank you.

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