- Gender and Relationships
How to Win Her Back After a Breakup and Make Things Right
How to win her back
Winning her back
Patience and self-control are what you need to win back an ex that previously broke your heart, or vice versa. Right now, you’re probably thinking that now is the right time to make your move. Maybe she’s sending signals or maybe you just feel the urge to be part of her life again, and are leaning towards asking her to come back.
Not so fast! The biggest mistake most guys make during this process is to speed things up, when your ex actually wants you to slow down and get to know you as a friend for a little while. Be careful not to seem like you’re in a hurry -don’t rush!
Pick the Right Moment to Bring Up the Past
Perhaps you do feel remorse and compassion for her and have numerous feelings that you want to express. However, the last thing you want is to waste your energy getting every emotion out and yet she receives nothing of it because of a distraction. Think about the situation of a man planning to propose to his fiancée at a restaurant. Unfortunately, just as he’s ready to ask, something distracts him, maybe a crying baby, a spilt glass of water, or even a singing waiter at the next table.
If he goes ahead and asks, she will feel awkward. The mood will be ruined. His instincts should be able to guide him through this, though not all men are capable of reading emotions that well. Rest assured though, most women do want the perfect romantic experience, and your “I still love you” speech will be captivating. For the best results, avoid saying “Take me back” or “let’s get back together.” A little bit of uncertainty is good right now and you don’t want to pressure her to do anything.
That said, you can only imagine how crucial timing is in this scenario, since it’s not about a cute wedding proposal—it’s about a major decision on whether to trust you or not. Keep in mind:
- Start slowly. There is no rush and you can always wait for another moment to start talking heavy if necessary.
- Wait and take your time speaking, as you should use an inviting tone.
- Try to be the man she first fell in love with when life was much easier.
- If you notice any distractions taking place around you wait until they stop so you can have her full attention.
- Always maintain eye contact and speak with a warm voice; reach for the heart when you speak, giving her the emotion she wants to hear.
How to Win Her Back with Meaningful Words and Actions
When she broke up with you it was because she lost the man she first loved, even if you don’t see it that way, and even if it’s all in her mind. The point is, she believes it. She thinks you have changed for the worse, and may keep that fresh in mind all of your past mistakes. What are you willing to do about that?
Persistence is not what she’s looking. Don’t beg. In general, women don’t like men who whine like children and beg for attention. It’s not attractive and worst of all, it reinforces her notion that you haven’t changed
Knowing that begging is not going to do the trick, it’s time to start concentrating on building observable evidence of these life changes. You want to demonstrate physical or emotional proof that you have actually changed. You don’t want to just give promises that everything is going to work out, because words are meaningless. Actions are what count. When she sees that you are a new man inside and out, she will be intrigued all over again.
Try to think in terms of A.F.F –otherwise known as Apologize, Forgive and Forget.
- When You Apologize: Don’t wait until you are in the wrong. A mature person can apologize for anything, including the possibility that he said something offensive, even if it wasn’t deliberate. He apologizes because that’s what his partner needs to hear to feel safe and secure.
- When You Forgive: Forgiveness means treating people kindly, and not holding grudges even if you feel justified. In a relationship, this is important because if you hold on to any hostility and continually throw it in her face, you are antagonizing her without reason. This is as much a protection for you as the person on your “never speak to” list. The more you hate, the more you feel it in your heart. You’re only hurting yourself by refusing to forgive what happened.
- When You Forget: Finally, when you forget someone’s mistakes and flaws, you don’t bring it up and you don’t use it as a means of punishment or parody. Simply put, you support your partner rather than remind her of any imperfections. You accept what happened and wipe the slate clean. You throw away the bitterness of the past so that the two of you can trust each other moving forward.
These are all things you can use to show your ex that you are truly a transformed man, eager to start wooing her back. Once you have her attention, hold it—don’t let it go until her heart joins yours