- Gender and Relationships
How to attract women as a guy
How would you describe your experience with women?
You've always dreamed of getting a girlfriend. You fantasize about being in a relationship with a girl. You long for affection and intimacy. You want to talk to women. You want to start a relationship but can't. You lack the confidence, ability, and knowledge to do so. You don't even know where to start. Your insecure and always compare yourself to other people, wondering "Why can't i get a girl? What do they have that i don't?" You defeat yourself and always find fault with everything that you do wrong. Your insecure in your life and who you are as a person. Maybe you've never been popular with women. Maybe you've tried but never had any luck. Regardless of the circumstances, this guide will give you some insights in attracting the woman of your dreams.
I confess i was once insecure as an individual. I've never had much success with girls growing up. I blamed myself for my mistakes and compared myself to other people. I felt inferior to those who were in relationships. People would make fun of my singleness and my flaws. I was a real mess. However as i walked down the streets, i would always notice something. Women of various ages somehow took an interest in me. Of course there were some who didn't, but several did. I thought "Why? What's there to like about me?" I kept meditating and thinking about what made me attractive. After much experience, i finally understand. However i learned what NOT to do first and foremost. I'll address some very bad tips that will destroy your attractiveness:
Using pick up lines - While they may work for some women, they won't work for women who place high value in themselves. Guys may boast of using clever lines to pick up women. They may find this attractive thinking women love their charms. What they're actually doing is making themselves seem desperate in the eyes of a woman. Put yourself in a position of a woman. If i were a woman and a guy used pick up lines on me, i would not think that's attractive. I would be thinking "Wow, really? You barely know anything about me and your resorting to lines that you've probably looked up on the internet?" I'd probably slap him in the face or humiliate his pride. That's how women feel about pick up lines. They're not magnets attracted to a several words that you say.
Being a jerk - Some guys reason that because they never got any women being nice, being mean-spirited is going to get women. They think that women will go for the "bad boys" because it's manliness that attracts women. What they're actually doing is isolating themselves from others. By harassing her, by hurting her feelings, and insulting her - Your making yourself unloved. Strong women will not put up with a man who treats her like garbage.
Being nice - Just as being a jerk is bad, being nice is also not enough to attract women. You can shower her with endless compliments. You can hold doors for her. You can be extra polite. You can be such a gentleman and still get no women. Some men think that by doing this, they're attracting women. This is wrong. What they're doing is simply being a great friend - nothing more. Smart women know that guys who do this are simply setting a conditional love. Guys with this mentality think "If i'm nice enough, she'll go out with me." This is self entitlement and women detest this. As soon as the women refuses to return interest, guys will see no reason to continue being nice.
Treating her like a sex object - Some men will touch women inappropriately thinking that women enjoy the pleasure. They think that because women love their bodies, they will appreciate being touched. This is far from the Truth. Many women dislike being treated as sex objects and have expressed their utter disgust. Touching them is sexual harassment and will likely get you slapped, punched, or worse. Women who are looking for casual flings may entertain this, but even these types of women hate it. Just because they're looking for a sexual encounter, doesn't mean they like being groped. No one likes being reduced to a mere piece of meat.
Flirting - Yes, even flirting can bring short term results. Flirting for the same reasons of pick up lines will annoy women if your a complete stranger. Flirting gives them the impression that your thirsty, not clever.
There are generally only two types of women you will meet. 1) Women who want short term relationships 2) Women who want long term relationships. If you want a short term relationship then by all means follow the advice listed above. However you will only get women who want a fling. Don't be surprised if she cheats on you or humiliates you. Don't be upset if she lies about your charms and intellect. You reap what you sow. If you sow momentary encounters then you will reap momentary encounters with your actions. Your self conceited actions and so called "skills" will only attract gullible women. A strong and faithful woman will never be in the slightest bit attracted to a man who only cares about himself.
I've had plenty of guys do the above and the results were disastrous. Many men go to the wrong people for advice. These are the same men who are downcast and depressed asking themselves "Why can't i find a committed woman?" It is this advice that is continually being fed into the minds of many confused men. As a society, we are pressured to value manliness. We hear it everywhere we go. What turns off women fast?
Arrogance - When you expect all the girls to be attracted to you, you end up isolating yourself. When you belittle, ridicule, or think yourself better than those around you - You become unattractive to women. They'll think "Wow that guy must have some low self esteem. He's not a good person for me to be with. Look at the way he treats his friends and family. I'm not going to like an immature childish person who thinks the world owes him." Arrogance is a masquerade for false confidence.
A hunger for sex - Most women that i know will not have sex unless they're in a committed relationship period. When your committed to fulfilling your sexual desires without attending to her other needs, you become a pervert. You become someone with no self control.
Desperation - Desperate guys lack confidence, joy, and other necessities. They're not satisfied with their lives so they resort to filling it up with relationships. They think that a relationship somehow makes their life better. In reality, it turns women away. By getting on your knees and pleading her to go out with you. By degrading yourself and expecting her to save you, you show a lack of discipline. A woman cannot save you from your problems and would feel very disturbed by your neediness.
Low self esteem - People with low self esteem compare themselves to others. They set an unreasonably high standard on themselves and think "I can never reach this.." They fail to appreciate what they already have and bring themselves down. They let others dictate how they live. They may even bring others down to build up their self esteem but the result is they live in defeat. If you can't love yourself or feel good about yourself, why should someone else love you? When you fail to love yourself, you fail to give women love. When you fail to give women love, you fail to spark attraction. When you fail to spark attraction, a relationship cannot be established.
Inability to connect - The biggest attraction killer is the lack of the ability to connect with a woman. Perhaps your a guy who rarely smiles as a friendly gesture. Guys who shy away from emotions, intimacy, and sex make themselves unavailable to women. That's why if for instance, a woman tried to seduce them, they would probably flee because they hadn't explored their sexuality. Closing yourself from others repulses women from you.
Which type of problem do you have with women?
Mindsets of attractive men:
To answer my earlier questions on what women found attractive about me, the answer was simple. I stood out from most people. I had potential. I didn't try to act like the other guys. Though i had many flaws and things i needed to work on, i was approachable nonetheless. Attractive men are committed to instilling several mindsets to attract women:
* Expect nothing, give everything - These types of men don't get upset when things go wrong. They're not selfish in their needs and wants. They selflessly give and keep on giving. They realize that to get what you want in the world, you must work hard for it.
* They don't try at all - They don't bother sending signals or interpreting them. They're not worried about whether or not she's lost interest. They're focused on certain behaviors. They're interested in coming off as a strong and confident person.
* They're independent - I'm not talking about financial independence and having a job, i'm talking about emotional, metal, and spiritual independence. Attractive men are disciplined enough to provide for their needs and wants. They know what they want and are motivated to get it. They're well balanced in their lives. They don't depend on others to evaluate them. They don't put down others to boost their self esteem, but build it up themselves. Attractive men are more than capable in handling a woman who's just as independent as they are. If a woman rejects them, they don't take it personal. Independent men trust in their judgement and ability to maintain a relationship.
Throwing out old habits
Before you decide to become this type of man, you must throw out some old habits. You've probably had some of the following:
Obsessing over a woman - Being obsessed over a woman will make her cringe. The reason being is that she probably knows that she's not your one and only. Constantly obsessing over a man by texting and calling her excessively ruins your attractiveness. It shows a lack of love not just for her but for yourself. Your life doesn't depend on another person. Obsession to the point of neglecting yourself does more harm than good. There is however nothing wrong with losing yourself only when the relationship has matured enough to do so.
Making a woman a goddess - Kneeling before her in front of everyone and worshiping her can turn ugly. She'll probably see you as a fanboy than an actual partner. If your extremely nervous at her beauty and see her as a perfect person, it's because your perception is wrong. No woman no matter beautiful is perfect. They have weaknesses. They urinate and defecate just like everyone else. They have insecurities that you must be aware of. Treat her like you would any other person.
Being a people pleaser - Doing everything to gain her attention and admiration at your own expense is unattractive. Strong woman know that spells insecurity. She wants a man who can hold his ground in the face of disagreements. Stop looking for others to evaluate you as a person.
Being self conscious - Insecure men pick out their flaws. Perhaps your too fat. Perhaps your a nerd and don't feel any beautiful woman would want you. The problem is within you, not her. In reality, women love a man with confidence and a solid foundation within himself. I've seen fat college guys wearing clothes that don't match at all and their arms around gorgeous women. What you look like doesn't matter at all. It's the confidence and the way you carry yourself that women love so much, some would compromise their standards.
Listening to bad advice - Some of your guy friends may ridicule you and try to hurt your self esteem. They may interpret the signals for you such as "If she says she's busy, it means she's not interested." They don't know the situation behind it. They may peer pressure you into behaving differently than what you are used to. In my opinion, you should seek advice from women. What better way to understand women than from a woman's perspective? Comments such as "Your crazy! No woman would ever want a guy who (blank)" are overgeneralized. "your too nice, your hair is messy, your dress is wrong" are all lies. It is from my experience that when i stopped listening to this advice, i attracted more women. Why? Because i stopped listening to negativity and trusted in myself. What women find attractive is different than what men find attractive.
A few things before you begin seeking women..
1. Love yourself - I've met plenty of men who have short term flings and still suffer in misery. They seek approval from others. They compare themselves to others and think "At least i'm not a loser like this guy.." This is because they don't love themselves. When you fail to love yourself, you don't grow and you continue to be empty. Women with strong sense of character will never be attracted to these men. How do you love yourself? By knowing who you are and tending to yourself. Spend time with yourself figuring out your weaknesses and strengths. Praise yourself for what you do right and forgive yourself for what you do wrong. Feed yourself, tend to your emotions, and admit your flaws. If you lack confidence then write down all the things you like about yourself. Think of at least a few accomplishments your proud of.
2. Find yourself attractive - Attraction starts with you not with another woman. Taking the time to make yourself look good and feeling good is attractive. Waking up in the morning and just be grateful to be alive says alot about you. Going out to celebrate your life shows that you love being yourself. Choose a certain style of clothing you are comfortable wearing. Compliment yourself for your own desirable traits.
3. Know what kind of woman you want - You cannot attract all women because this is impossible. No man no matter how good looking, wealthy, healthy, knowledgeable, and so forth can attract all women. Why is that? Because all women are unique in their own respect. Some like intelligent men. Others like spiritually invested men. Others love wealthy men. The list is endless. It is impossible for you to be all of these things being a limited human being. You can however attract a certain type of women. Write down a list of desirable qualities you want in a woman. Some examples are: Intellect, honesty, humility, love, kindness, responsible, the list goes on. Do not set your expectations way too high as it is unrealistic for one person to fulfill every one.
- Gender & the Brain: Differences between Women & Men
Differences between women & men based on studies of the brain. This might be a handy list to show to your other half to avoid future misunderstandings!
Many guys approach women the wrong way. They overcomplicate things when they're much simpler. Approaching women is actually the easiest thing you can do. It must however must be done right.
* Dress attractively - Dress somewhat decently and practice good hygiene. Don't shower yourself with axe or dress immodestly as this is a turn off. Studies show that women are attracted to a guy's natural scent as it reveals much of his genetic make up. A little amount of cologne isn't harmful. Wearing a suit will probably enhance your attractiveness.
* Give a friendly smile - Just smile at her in a friendly gesture. Don't give anything suggestive or naughty, just a simple smile. Don't even say much. Studies show that the longer your in the visual presence of a potential mate, attraction is more likely to spark. Make sure she notices you.
* Walk up to her and say "hey" - Don't say things like "hey beautiful" or "hey sexy" because it's going to give the impression your thirsty. A simple "hey" is attractive. I've tried it many times before and it always works because of the mystery behind it. By a simple "hello", you come off as a confident person with possibly sincere motives. This says alot about what kind of person you are.
* Strike a conversation - I've noticed guys interact differently than girls. Most guys that i've seen talk about their hobbies and do things together. Women however are mostly conversationalists. Women love to talk about various topics. It's a socially conditioned behavior. You cannot speak to a woman in the same way you speak to your male friends. Cracking sex jokes in her presence makes her think less of you. However talking to her about things guys would normally discuss may bore her. Instead, talk to her about what she's passionate about. From my interactions with women, i noticed they talked mostly about these topics: politics, philosophy, religion, morality, society, and the like. They are more profound in nature. Observe her passions, goals, ambitions, personality, and take interest in it. Ask her questions like "What are you most passionate about?"
- The psychology of flirtation: how to know when someone's interested - Love & Sex - Life and Styl
Have you ever wondered to yourself, “Was that person just flirting with me?” This may not only happen at a bar or party. It could be after a pleasant exchange at the supermarket, a few shared glances at a coffee shop, or following a more involved con
* Treat her like any other person - Forget that she was ever a woman. Pretend that she's just another guy. This removes alot of tension and pressure from you. This demonstrates maturity and creates a good impression.
* Gradually pick up signals of interest - According to psychology, women reveal interest mostly through body language than by conversation. Mirroring you, keeping her toes pointed to you, physical touch, and other things are potential signs of interest. Don't become too focused on signs of interest. Meanwhile drop small hints of your attraction to her and see how she responds. Is she repulsed? Figure out why casually. Maybe she's still going through a break up and fears opening up to you. Does she return your signals of attraction? If so, this is a good sign.
* Emotionally connect with her - This comes through revealing your emotions, desires, thoughts, and so on. If she does the same then your off to a good start. This gradually builds intimacy should she pursue a relationship with you. Let her know that you are sincere in your pursuit of her.
* Compliment her - Never make the mistake of showering her with compliments. Don't go out buying her gift after gift. Women can see through this and will know your being insincere. When you do this, women think "Wow, this guy must be very eager to make me his girlfriend. He barely took the time to know me and he's already resorting to this?" Just think, how would you feel if you received compliments for things you've never earned? How would you feel if someone exaggerated your gifts when you've invested no time in them? Now think about how you would feel if you put in alot of effort in drawing and someone complimenting you for your hard work. This would greatly boost your self esteem and self worth. These compliments are sincere and make you more attractive.
* Sell yourself - Attracting potential mates is like the workforce. To be successful, you must sell yourself. What qualities, accomplishments, activities, hobbies, etc. make you attractive? What do you have to offer in a relationship? Why should women choose you over the next guy? Your going to be competing against many other partners in line so be prepared to show your best.
Taking the next step..
Once you've built up attraction, there are several things you should consider:
* Consider what you've established so far - Think about what you've learned about her so far. Does she meet your standards of a mate worth dating? Or do you need more time to know her as a person before you want a relationship? If so then continue to know her as a friend.
* Let her test you - Some women may test you to see if your a potential mate who's sincere in his approach. She may ask trick questions, make suggestions, or drop hints to see how you'd react. The best thing to do is relax and follow through what you want in a woman. For example, if she asks for your opinion on her art - What she's probably looking for is honesty instead of insincere praise. If you give insincere praise because you want to attract her, she's going to be turned off. Honesty shows that you value her growth as an artist and an individual, a trait she may look for in a mate.
* Give her what she wants - Women want more than superficial things like money, a job, and a career. They want a man who supports their ambitions, goals, and desires. They want a man who helps them fulfill their desires as a partner. For example, i contacted a woman i was interested in. Her response was the following: "I'm a little bit busy so can i contact you later?" I simply said "Sure..have a great time.." She giggled and told me she appreciated it. Two things happened here: 1) She wanted freedom and i gave it to her 2) I was supportive rather than selfishly demanding and she appreciated it. When you demonstrate that you are committed to give her what she wants, she will then commit herself to give you what you want.
The last step is simply gaining the confidence to ask her out on a date. If all goes well and you feel like she could be a potential mate then go for it. However be creative in your approach. Take the time to figure out her interests and plan accordingly. For example, if she's a poet then writing a poem as a request for a date may be a great idea. This will show that you took the time to learn about who she is as a person.
Has this article helped you be more successful with women?
Continually practice these principles. Expect to make mistakes. Expect the possibility that she may not return your feelings. This guide will not help you get the girl you've been longing for but it will give you insights in attracting the kind of women you want.