- Gender and Relationships
Relationship Advice - How to Avoid and Settle Dispute With Your Partner
Relationships are not perfect. Every once in a while we quarrel with our partner over some serious or not so serious matter. You have a bad day at work and you are stressed out and she/he starts to annoy you (it is another story if you are annoyed by just her/his presence---relationship burnt out). Whatever the reasons for your quarrel, I will recommend some tips on how to settle and avoid dispute with your partner.
Reasons for quarreling could be serious, like some financial matters or just mundane things like where did she put the toothpaste etc. Sometimes couples quarrel with the slightest provocations and it usually a symptoms of some bigger problems in the relationship.
The earlier that you can resolve your dispute, the better because sometimes it affects daily activities and output specially if you are living together.
Tips on how to avoid and settle disputes with your partner:
- Give each other time to collect their thoughts and wait for a good timing to talk to your partner after you quarreled with them. Give each other space for reasonable amount of time. Approach your partner and ask for his/her when he is ready to talk. Don’t try to approach him/her when they are doing something or busy watching favorite sports etc.
- Be positive and do not immediately challenge your partner for a separation.
- Try to calm down and talk when you are both settled in. Here is a nice conversation statement for you to approach him/her:
Hey, want to have time to talk to your honey? I will buy you dinner later or your favorite food? Why use the food, everybody loves to eat their favorite food, it is a come on. If you approach them this way, it gets the impression that you care for them and want to share time for them. Or have a joke with them/inject humor say “Hi honey, a man from United Nations came here, and is looking for you, somebody sent him to settle our dispute. They don’t like to have another World war III in the making.
Honey, I prepared something for you, c’mon join me if you like, (then offer him/her some food which you know he/she will like ), then you can proceed from then on. Talk after you eat or whatever time he is available.
A note will do, say, I am sorry sweetheart, big lettering will do. Post it in a place where she can see it. You can overact on it and say. Honey you have to talk to me or else, I will kill my self and you are going to miss me. (just jokingly).
- Whether you think you are the one who cause the quarrel or not, it is good if you settle it immediately when the two of you are ready to talk. It doesn’t mean lowering yourself to the other person, but bear in mind that a relationship is not about oneself it is about the two of you together, making each other happy, in essence you become one. Always try to preserve a good relationship, nurturing it always. It is you who know your partner well so you know what approach is good for her/him.
- Be prepare on what you are going to tell your partner, try to avoid unkindly words and don’t try accusing them.
- Understand where the other is coming from.
- Be honest and tell your partner that you have been hurt and want to patch things up and ask what you can do to improve.
- Be sincere about it and if you tell your partner I promise to avoid doing it next time, then mean what you say. Actions speak louder than words. If you keep on promising and not fulfilling them, this is another story.
- Listen while they are talking and always try to understand where they are coming from. Always put your self in others shoes, try to ask yourself, if I do that to her, will she get hurt?
- Best confrontations are avoided if at the start of the relationship you lay your expectations.
- Apologize if you think you have mistake and you must mean your apology.
- Don’t nag and point an accusing finger at your partner
- Don’t dwell on the past and bring out past quarrels with your partner. Concentrate on the cause of your latest quarrel.
- Be sensitive to your partners wants and needs so that you will not quarrel in the first place
- And lastly the most important thing is to respect and love each other.