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How to Avoid Being Catfished While Online Dating
What is Catfishing? What is a Catfish?
According to Magazine.Foxnews:
A catfish is a person who pretends to be someone they’re not, and often uses social media to create a false identity in an effort to mislead.
Have you ever been catfished?
Why do people catfish?
Here are some of the common reasons for catfishing:
- Emotional Affairs or cheating
Some people are in serious relationships or even married and out of boredom in their current relationships, in search of an ego boost or on the spur of the moment after a fight or argument with their partner, decide to seek attention and affection online.
Many of these often maintain online relationships in the form of an emotional affair without the intention of ever meeting but as a mental and emotion fix, while others eventually turn things physical resulting in actual affairs.
- Boredom and a need for excitement or variety
As mentioned above, boredom often results in cat-fishing. Other times people feel the need for a bit of "excitement" and experience a thrill from making up a fictitious identity, telling others what they think they would like to hear or the feel of leading a double life by pretending to be someone they are not.
- Low self-esteem or insecurities over something
Some people lie about things they are insecure about:
They pretend to have a job or a lot of money.
They pretend to look a certain way by using someone elses photos.
They pretend to be a particular gender (gay / lesbian)
They pretend to be a certain race.
They pretend to have a certain body type.
They pretend to be a lot younger or older than they are.
- Crime
Another, more serious reason is criminal related.
Some people work towards gaining your trust so that they can scam you out of money, assets or even worse "kidnap" or assault you.
Please be extremely careful and vigilant when considering online dating or anytime when interacting with people you do not know personally.
How to avoid being catfished
The following tips may help you avoid being catfished or at least escaping before things get too serious and you get hurt either emotionally or physically.
1. Don't get too attached
It is sometimes hard to avoid this as the more you keep in contact with someone, the more you naturally become "attached" to them in some way. It is for this reason that many believe emotional affairs to be just as big (if not bigger) an infidelity as your usual physical affair.
An emotional connection to someone can be extremely hard to let go of and can often result in you believing the seemingly impossible when dealing with them. It is for this reason that many believe the most outrageous lies they are told by those who attempt catfishing them,
2. Be open-minded
Take everything you are told with a 'pinch of salt' and don't be naive. Do not believe everything the other person tells you until it has been proven in some or other way.
Rather be the skeptical person then the one who gets taken for a ride.
Trust is earned so the pother person should be understanding of the fact that you're not just easily going believe everything he / she says.
As the saying goes:
When something seems "too good to be true" - it usually is.
3. Ask questions and take note of answers
It is important to pay attention to EVERYTHING he or she says. This will help you spot lies a little easier.
If he / she claims to be Vegan but is suddenly enjoying a juicy steak a few weeks later - that's a sure sign that he / she may be lying about other things too.
It is common that even the worlds greatest liars slip up occasionally.
Asking many questions also leaves a lot of room for him / her to make a mistake if they are lying to you.
4. Do your research
Make use of the information obtained through your conversations and the questions you ask (as mentioned above). Use what you gather to conduct your own private investigation.
Doing a search online is relatively easy. Once you know the persons name, surname, nicknames, contact number etc you can google any of this information and you're bound to find something. It is EXTREMELY RARE that you will find someone who has absolutely nothing online. Usually if you can't find anything valuable about them online, it means they may have given you a fake name.
Similarly, the person should have at least one social media profile if they are part of the younger generation.
A good question to ask, which I definitely wouldn't consider irrational, prying or too forward is what they do for a living and where they work.
Once you know the name of the company they work for it only takes a simple phone call to contact the company and ask to speak to them. If the company says they've never heard of such a person then your questions been answered.
This would obviously be a bit too extreme if you've just been speaking to someone for a few days or a week or two but if things seems to be getting a little more serious and / or you have some very strong suspicions then it is definitely worth a shot.
5. Video chat
Video chat or video messaging chats like Skype or Omegle help a lot if you are concerned that the person may be pretending to be someone they are not. If you think they may be using someone elses photo for any reason, then they would be unlikely to hide this in a video call.
This of course will not help you if they are the person in the picture but are lying about their finances, age, sexuality or whether or not they are in a relationship.
If you have a recording app, this would help serve as evidence especially if the person is catfishing for criminal reasons. They are also more likely to try and avoid a video call or video message for this reason.
Online dating meeting tips
Don't:
- Ever meet someone for the first time at your home or his / hers
- Ever meet someone for the first time without telling someone else where you are going and who you are meeting. It may also be a good idea to provide them with a photo, contact details or any other relevant details of the person.
- Ever send anyone money or assets
- Ever give out overly personal information (bank details, pins, social security / ID number, etc)
Always:
- Meet in a public place
- Use your own transport to get to and from a first date or meeting. Don't let them pick you up or drop you off until you are really sure that you can trust them.
- Be vigilant even when on a date:
Keep an eye on your drink at all times to avoid spiking and on your belongings like you cellphone to avoid spyware
Further Reading
- What are Emotional affairs? Emotional affairs vs Physical Affairs | Love, Life and Relationships
What is an emotional affair? What causes emotional affairs? What’s the difference between an emotional affair and cheating or a normal affair? - Online Dating: First Meeting Tips
Tips and Advice for the first meeting. - Online Dating Cons and Scams
Take this quiz, and learn how to spot online con artists and how to avoid them. Real-life examples of dating scams and online cheaters.